Changes
by reen102
Summary: Brenda finds her life going through unexpected changes. Some changes are unwelcome and some surprising.
1. Chapter 1

Brenda frowned at the phone on the kitchen counter while she poured her morning cup of coffee, willing it to ring. It did not cooperate and neither did Fritz. She fed Joel and glanced at the clock. Being patient was not in her nature. She told herself it was the waiting it was making her ill. Sighing she punched a button on the phone and listened to her husband's voice, again. _'Hi honey. Guess you're still working. Keep missing you. Things are going slow here. We're getting decent cooperation but not fast enough for me.' _The laughter in his voice made her smile._ 'When I think about this slow pace I can only think how lucky they are you're not with the FBI. Miss you honey. And Brenda, please don't get so wrapped up in your cases that you forget to eat or work all night or drive your squad crazy or….. Just take care of your self. Bye honey I love you." _ She had listened to the message countless times over the last six weeks.

"Oh, why did Fritz have to take this case?" she asked Joel. And as with all her previous questions he remained mute on the subject. Brenda promptly began scolding herself for thinking of her needs and not his, again. But why isn't he calling when she was home? "Oh don't look at me like that. I know he's working hard and this is a difficult case and Abu Dhabi is on the other side of the world but you'd think he would be able to take a few minutes to call", she complained to Joel while she picked at a piece of toast she didn't eat. She rubbed her upset stomach and dumped the coffee down the sink. "Shoot, shoot, shoot, I'm going to be late." With a sigh Brenda turned and walked into the living room and grabbed her purse. Shoving a stack of newspapers out of her way she unearthed her car keys "I need to clean this place up…. Later" she muttered. A quick scratch for Joel and she headed to headquarters hopeful for a break in the oppressive heat wave chocking L.A,. and their current case. The image of Maria Lopez's mutilated body was stuck in her mind. Brenda saw her every time she closed her eyes.

"I'll be meeting with the mayor later today and I want to be able to give him some positive news. So where are we on the Lopez case?" Chief Pope asked.

"I think we should be wrapping it up today or tomorrow. We have a name and he's looks good for it. Has quite a long rap sheet." Brenda replied. "Likes beating women."

Will nodded, "Good, good. The sooner we close this case the better. We have really been taking heat on this, no pun intended. I know this has been a bad one and the heat wave had people on edge already. Please let your squad know I appreciate their hard work on this."

Brenda smiled, "I will."

Brenda reached for her black bag and Will cleared his throat. He watched her as he always did when they were alone, letting the memories of their past together drift through his mind. It was always a bit of an ego stroke to see how other men looked at her knowing they would never know her as he did. A piece of her heart would always be his. Will Pope took great satisfaction in knowing not even Brenda's husband Fritz had her love completely. Will missed her. "Sooo, Fritz still gone?"

"Yes."

"It must be tough. You know if there is anything you need…"

Brenda stood, "No, no. I'm fine. Everything is fine." Will moved to her side, placing himself between her and the door. Gently caressing her arms as he had done so often before, he asked, "How about I take you out to dinner tonight. I know you're just going home to an empty house."

She paused looking at her former lover. "No Will. Thank yew, but no."

Will felt an unexpected spurt of anger and possessiveness, tightening his grip he leaned in to kiss her. Brenda tried to jerk away, her level of disgust startling them both.

"Let go of me Will. What has gotten into you?" There was no hint of her soft southern drawl. She felt his grip tightened harder before releasing her and stepping back. Rubbing her arms she stepped around him. "I don't know what that was Will and I don't care. Don't tell me the heat got to you too. So we're clear here, I don't ever want a repeat of it."

Few people are conscience of the moment their lives are irrevocably changed. As Will looked into Brenda's dark brown eyes he saw the moment their connection was severed forever. That small spark of remaining love he coveted was gone, forever, replaced with….. contempt. His chest felt tight. "I'm sorry. Please Brenda forget this…"

"No Will. I don't think I can do that. Not this time." She exited his office shutting the door quietly behind her. For Will it was like a knife though his chest, slamming would have been less final.

Flynn was leaning back in his chair as the chief briefed the squad on their current case. As usual he didn't listen too intently, why bother when he had all the major facts he needed. And also as usual he allowed his eyes to scan her legs and let them move slowly up a figure he had spent years watching. His gaze stalled at her breasts. He was a dog, he knew it, but hey he's a guy and this was one his highlights of the day. He resisted the urge to smile, he had been watching her for years, and even when they couldn't stand each other he thought she had a great body. He shifted in his chair and let his eyes fall back to her legs, a much safer place to be should he be caught. All those years of watching had made it clear now that something was wrong. The changes weren't obvious, but he could see them and he couldn't dismiss the nagging feeling something was wrong. It was one of the few things he gave Agent Howard credit for, he took care of her, didn't allow her to get completely wrapped up in her cases. Since Howard had been gone she had not been taking good care of herself. When she frowned and absently ran her hand over her stomach he groaned loud enough to be heard.

Brenda turned from the murder board, propping her hand on her hip asked, "Lt. Flynn do you have something to add, a question perhaps or are we keeping you from something?" She stared at him, waiting. He didn't answer. The rest of the team swiveled to look at Flynn. Provenza recognized the vacant look. _Damn it Flynn, I am too old for this crap._ "FLYNN!" He snapped his attention back to the briefing, "What?" shooting Provenza a glare. Provenza shot it right back.

She finished up assigning tasks and headed to her office. She walked past Flynn again with her hand on her stomach. He started to say something when Provenza yelled, "Flynn, let's go get this asshole." Flynn hesitated looking from Brenda's office to his partner, "Now Flynn!" When he looked back at the chief she was on her cell. "Hello mama…."

"OK, OK I'm coming." Flynn grabbed his jacket off the back of his chair and walked out of the murder room.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Provenza hissed at his partner as they walked to the elevator.

"Me? Nothing is wrong with me…. But I think something is wrong with the chief. Haven't you noticed how she…?"

"No, oh no you don't. Stop right there. We are not having this conversation. You are not dragging me into her private life and if you have an ounce of sense you'll stay the hell out of it too. If there is something she wants us to know she'll tell us. Not another word."Entering the elevator Flynn punched the button with more force than necessary.

Andy Flynn did not deceive himself, he was man with a lot of flaws, but he was also a good detective with good instincts and in this case knew he would not be able to stop investigating…. Ok snooping into Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson's private life. Maybe he could get Tao to ask what was going on with her lately. He discarded that idea before the elevator doors opened. Tao had flat out refused the last few times the squad had voted he be the one to approach her.

Brenda didn't need to ask for an update about the suspect Flynn and Provenza had gone to pick up, she could hear them coming down the hall. Flynn was angry and was letting everyone within ear shot, including their suspect know it as he shoved him into interview room one. Provenza walked into the murder room looking cool and satisfied, "Mission accomplished chief."

"Lt. Provenza what has Lt. Flynn so upset?" Before he could answer Flynn walked in looking nothing like the dapper detective from earlier. He was utterly disheveled; his dark blue suit was torn and covered in mud. A bruise was forming on his cheek next to a small bloody scratch.

"Lt. Flynn what…?" Flynn shot a look at this partner then said to the room at large, "Chief the little bastard ran." He said through gritted teeth.

Lt. Provenza settled in his chair leaned back and raised his hands," Hey, everyone knows 'I don't run."

Brenda placed a finger over her lips to hold back a laugh as she took in the sight, "Where exactly did he run?"

"Everywhere!" He said waving his arms. "Through garbage, over a few fences, under one and through a yard of pit bulls. Oh and through some old ladies vegetable garden. "

Provenza piped up, "That old gal was not happy; she had just finished covering it with fresh manure. And I do mean fresh! But we got him chief." Provenza grinned as Flynn glared at him.

"Are you alright Lt?" He threw out his hands again gesturing for the squad to look at him, stared at the ceiling, counted to ten and too pissed to keep his voice under control "Do I look alright to you? My suit is destroyed, my shoes are ruined," pointed at his left foot he said, "One of those damn dogs got that one." With a hard glare he scanned the faces of his fellow squad members adding, "Him I shot."

"Well as long as it was a dog and not our suspect Little Paco I don't think Capt Raydor will have too much trouble with this. He was attacking you."

Flynn took a step closer to Brenda and she quickly held up one hand to halt his approach and the other to cover her nose. "Uh, Lt. we can take care of things from here. I'm sure you want to run along home and get cleaned up. And be sure and take care of the little cut. Lord knows what might be in all that dirt you're covered with."

"Are you sure, what about the dog?"

"Don't you fret about that. Y'all just run along now. Go on now, shoo. Detective Sanchez will join me." She waved her hand at him all the while holding her hand over her nose. "Lt. Flynn?"

"Yah chief?"

"Does Little Paco, um, uh?" She stalled.

Sanchez piped up, "Smell as bad as you Flynn?"

Flynn shot her a satisfied grin. "Yah he does. Took a little extra time but I made sure I dragged him back to the car through ever bit of crap he'd made me chase him through."

"Thank you Lt. Run along now." he gave her a snappy salute, spun on his dog chewed heel and left the murder room.

"Well Detective Sanchez we might as well get this over with."

Hanging up the phone he said, "In a minute chief, I called down for a change of clothes for Martinez."

She sighed in relief, "Thank you Detective. Let me know when he's ready."

'Sure chief."

Brenda went to her office and sank into her chair. _Lord I'm tired. _She thought as she closed her eyes willing this case to be done so she could go home at get some sleep, something that had been evading her for the last few weeks. The heat had been unbearable for the last few weeks leaving tempers on a hair trigger. And now there was whatever the hell had just happened with Will. _God I need a shower._

Sanchez tapped on her door, "Chief, we're ready. He's in interview two. Flynn had put him in one, still smells so…"

With a nod she dropped the file in her purse. "Thank yew Detective. That was very thoughtful of you. Shall we? "

He gave her a small smile. "After you chief."

Victor Martinez aka 'Little Paco' was no match for Deputy Chief Brenda Johnson. In less than an hour Martinez was talking….. a lot. "Yah I cut her. The bitch got what was coming to her." He pounded his fist on the table top, "Don't show the proper respect and you got to learn a lesson." He stood and moved to lean over the table at Brenda. Sanchez had his hand on the man in a blink, shoving him into the chair. "**Sit down** and don't move out of that chair." He remained positioned between his chief and the perp. 'Thank yew detective." Brenda lightly touched his ridged arm. He never took his eyes off the man in the chair; barely nodding he sat back down next to Brenda.

"And how did she disrespect you? It must have been very, very bad. What could she possible have done to make you so mad?' Martinez sat mutely his eyes on Sanchez. "Answer the question." Sanchez growled menacingly.

"Did she disrespect you to your fellow gang members? Should I be asking them what she did, what she said? "

The last question was a match to gasoline, he exploded. "The bitch laughed at me. Made a joke of my name, she laughed at me, no one laughs at me."

"Tell me what she thought was so funny about your name Victor? Hum, odd Victor I don't understand why she thought your name was so funny. It makes no scenes. Detective Sanchez I think we'll need to round up some of Mr. Martinez's fellow gang members and find out what Maria told them." Victor's control was long gone, he looked completely crazed as he yelled "Prick, the bitch called me prick. Little Prick."

"Was she right Paco?" Brenda demanded, pushed him further, "Is that it Paco …. Are you _little_? Because you didn't just cut Maria, you butchered her. So was that it Victor, did she tell everyone how_ little_ you were?" Victor Martinez slammed his cuffed hands on the table and screamed while he tried to launch himself at Brenda. Sanchez had Brenda behind him using his own body as a barricade to protect her. With one hand he pushed her behind him and grabbed Victor by the hair with the other. He had slammed the crazed man face first onto the table twice before the two uniformed officers staged outside the door rushed in to subdue Martinez.

Commander Taylor, Provenza and Gabriel had been watching the interview from the electronics room. "Get in there now." Taylor ordered. Provenza and Gabriel were moving before the order was given. Entering the room it took the four of them to haul him from the room.

"Are you alright chief?" Sanchez asked as he stepped away from her.

"Yes, Detective yes. Thank yew. I believe that should wrap up this case." She dropped back into her chair and focused on gathering the file and dumping it into her black purse. Brenda's heart was slamming in her chest and she felt shaky. The man's reaction had been so violent she couldn't help but think of poor Maria Lopez. The young woman never had a chance against such pure rage. It was frightening but Brenda wasn't going there, she would not give into the fear. Her purse in her hand she stood to leave the interview room. The floor under her feet shifted and pitched as the room spun, distantly she heard a muffled thump of something hitting the floor before the room dimmed.

"I've got you chief." Sanchez had his arm around her waist and eased her back onto her chair placing his hand in the middle of her back he gently pushed her forward. "Put your head down and breath, take it easy, give it a minute chief." He was speaking quietly in her ear as he reached under the edge of the table to switch off the camera.

Buzz was reaching to turn off the monitor when he and Taylor, who had just reentered the electronics room, saw Brenda pass out. He dropped what he was doing and rushed out of the electronics room and headed to the break room. Opening the refrigerator he rifled through the contents looking for his orange juice. Commander Taylor was at the door of the interview room watching with genuine concern.

"Better?" Brenda slowly sat up, her face still pale, nodded. "Yes, thank yew. Gracious I don't know what just happened. He certainly didn't smell as bad as Flynn." Sanchez grinned at that. "Let's go to the break room chief. Get some fresh air and something to drink." Arguing was beyond her at the moment. Leaning on Sanchez she let him help her stand. Taylor stepped forward and offered his support as well.

Buzz was waiting with a cup of orange juice. "Here chief this will help."

"Thank you, Buzz." Sitting, she gratefully took the juice but her hand shook so bad Sanchez took the cup from her hand and held it to her lips. After a few sips she felt her world right itself. "Thank you Julio." Before Buzz could ask Sanchez offered, "The room smelled like Flynn." "Ah."

He caught Commander Taylor's eye over Brenda's head, Sanchez jerked his head towards the door. They moved to the hall, "Sir I…" Taylor held up his hand and said quietly.. "Go get your car Detective. I want you to drive Chief Johnson home. We'll meet you downstairs." "Yes Sir."

"Chief Johnson I'm aware you out rank me, but I think you'll will over look it this once if I give you an order. Go home."

"Yes commander, I think I'll do just that, thank yew. I swear I don't know what happened in there." It seemed to take forever to walk to the elevator. The ride down didn't feel as if it would ever end.

She heard Taylor saying over her head as Sanchez helped her into the car. "I'll take care of things here Detective. See you tomorrow."

Detective Sanchez she discovered was a very bull headed man. Nothing she said would change his mind. In the elevator she had a passing vision of going home on her own. She chose to ignore how silly that would have been since his very solid hold on her was the only reason she was making it into her house, she still wasn't steady enough to stand on her own. Sanchez had looked at her and smiled. As if reading her mind he said, "Give it up chief." Brenda was home sitting on her couch within an hour of leaving work. "You need anything tonight chief just call." He added as he set a glass of water on the table next to her.

"I'll be fine Julio. I really appreciate you being there for me earlier. I don't know what happened."

"Get some sleep. If you're still not feeling yourself tomorrow you should take a personal day. We can handle things." She waived that thought away. Julio grinned "I'll see you in the morning chief."

When he saw her puzzled expression he reminded her. "You car is at the station."

She glanced around her too quite house resisting the urge to look at the cell phone she had been clutching since getting into Julio's car. No missed calls. The realization that she was alone seemed to steamroll over her. It was awful to admit she still felt unsteady and was beginning to fear there was something seriously wrong with her health. She had never completely dismissed the fear about her heath after her scare a few years earlier. Rather she had buried it with work or worry about her family or Fritz or Joel or anything, anything but something she had no control over.

Brenda absently rubbed her arm and winced at the slight pain she was suddenly aware of. She was shocked to see several round bruises left by Will. How did this day go so horribly wrong?

She missed Fritz terribly. It was a shock to discover how awful it was being alone. And worse to discover how much she had taken everything he did for granted. One look around the house made it impossible to deny, Brenda Leigh Johnson was a slob. A tear slipped down her cheek. She could attempt to justify the mess by claiming her work was too demanding to leave time for cleaning. But it wasn't true. Poor Fritz. Sliding down on to her side and curling into a ball, her eyes burned as tears that had been lurking for hours finally won the battle.


	2. Chapter 2

Brenda was ready though not so bright eyed and bushy tailed the next morning when Detective Sanchez arrived to pick her up. She had tried cold compresses over her eyes to take away the puffiness from her uncharacteristic crying jag the night before and had spent an hour rummaging through her closet for a dress with sleeves long enough to cover the dark bruises on her arms. On her way to answer the knock on the door she grabbed her purse and gave Joel a quick scratch. She had no idea what she would say if any of her squad asked about her fainting the day before. Opening the door she flashed her best forced smile, "Morning Detective. Lordy feels like we're in for another scorcher today."

"Sure does chief. If we're lucky this heat might keep some of the scum off the streets." He opened the passenger door for her. "There's a cold drink there for you chief. I stopped by my mom's this morning for breakfast and she made that for you. It tastes great." He assured her then closed her door.

Brenda picked it up and sniffed than took a small sip. "Umm. Oh my, this is really good. Your mama made this?" Julio grinned at her and nodded before pulling away for the curb. "She's been on this kick lately. You know healthy stuff. Today was my day to play guinea pig."

By the time they walked into the murder room Brenda was making Julio promise to get his mothers receipt. The cold mango drink was almost as good as chocolate. She felt good and her stomach approved. She humming as she walked into her office. Flynn watched her glide by all smiles. Turning to Sanchez he raised his brow and waited for an explanation which Detective Sanchez did not offer.

The squad worked through the morning completing the paperwork and finalizing the case against Victor Martinez. Brenda stood at the murder board collecting the photos, taking a last look at a smiling Maria Lopez before placing them on top of the files in the box of evidence destined for the D.A.'s desk. "Sergeant Gabriel, will you see this gets to the DA, please?" Brenda asked as she placed the lid on the box. "Sure chief."

Commander Taylor walked in to the murder room, "Afternoon everyone, just wanted to say good work on this Maria Lopez case. I'll be giving a press conference shortly. The community was real stirred up on this one. Knowing we have the perp locked up should calm fears."

"Well thank you, commander." Brenda said.

He crossed the room to where she stood. "Well I know you worked real hard to get this bastard, chief. Wrapped it up quickly too. And the confession you got out of him yesterday should send him away for a good long time." Taylor appeared to be directing his comments to Brenda alone.

"I certainly hope so commander."

Taylor looked at Brenda and gave her a small nod before leaving the room. Provenza watched Taylor's exit and looked at Flynn mouthing '_what was that_? Flynn shrugged in response. Commander Taylor was always under foot, but he sounded so… sincere, the man had to be up to something, but what? This was just one of the oddities of the day. It started with Sanchez and the chief, now Commander Taylor. Gabriel picked up the box of evidence and followed Taylor from the room.

Tao hung up the phone and announced, "Chief, bodies found in Griffith Park." All eyes turned to Lt. Tao. "Hikers were out taking pictures and got photos of a mountain lion eating what looked like a human leg."

Brenda made a face, "Eww."

Flynn said, "You said bodies. How did they figure that if they only have a leg?"

"Park Ranger found a head, which was white and the leg was…. Not."

"Oh for heaven sake."

"So we have a serial killer mountain lion?" Flynn said. "Is that even our jurisdiction?"

"A head? Just a head Lt?" She exhaled loudly her shoulders slumping slightly, "Guess it wouldn't look good to wait for them to find more parts before going to the scene?" Brenda said more to herself than the members of her squad.

"And a leg chief, don't forget the leg." Tao added.

"Look on the bright side chief, in this heat finding the rest of these guys should be real easy." All eyes stared. Flynn shrugged, "What? Oh don't look at me like that. It's over a hundred degrees out there and if there are any more parts of these guys lying around we won't have any trouble smelling them. Could be the mountain lion ate everything."

Provenza chuckled, "And Flynn is our resident expert on things that smell." That brought a laugh from everyone, but Flynn.

"Alright people lets go see what the cat dragged in." Brenda called to her team.

Three hours later the squad was finalizing the area search and gathering all the evidence bags to return to the murder room. "Lt Flynn, will you and Lt Provenza follow up at the morgue, please? And see if we can get any usable prints off the hands." She was wiping the sweat from her brow. Unfortunately for Brenda, Flynn had been gruesomely accurate in his prediction on the combination of heat and dead bodies.

"Sure chief. One thing nice about the morgue, they keep it real cool." He said as he picked up the vest and coat he had removed earlier. Taking a closer look at her he couldn't halt the question that just slipped out, "You alright chief? You're looking kind of pale." He finished lamely.

"I'm fine Lt. It's just this darn heat. Has us all a little peaked" She couldn't get to the air-conditioned car fast enough. But first she had to deal with Fish and Game, "I can say for certain that the cougar did not kill these men. The limbs were sliced from the body not torn."

"Thank you ma'am. We will be releasing further up the mountain. Glad we won't have to put the animal down."

Back in her office she pulled the blinds, shut the door and sank into her chair. Punching a number on her cell she closed her eyes and waited. "Hello, this is chief, I mean Brenda Leigh Johnson and I need to make an appointment with….." She listened to the cheery receptionist ramble a bit before offering a time. "Tomorrow?... Ummm…. Yes, lucky for me there was a cancelation. No, no it's fine the sooner the better. Alright then tomorrow at noon. Thank yew, bye-bye now." _This day cannot end soon enough, _she thought.

There was a knock on her door. "Yes?" Sanchez walked in removing the cap from the bottle of cold water and handed it to her. "Here chief. I think you should drink this. Today really took it out of all of us."

'Why thank yew Detective. You're right about that." He stood waiting to be sure she drank the water, not sure what he would say to her if she didn't. Placing the half empty bottle on her desk she smiled, "Oh my that tastes good." Sanchez gave her a small smile and left her office.

Brenda allowed herself a few more minutes to gather her strength and walking out of her office. "Lt Tao any word from Lt Flynn or Provenza on our victim?"

"Nothing yet Chief." She nodded, "Alright people let's call it a day. Hope it's a bit cooler tomorrow."

As soon as she finished Flynn and Provenza walked in to the room. "Dr. was able to get prints chief. We got lucky chief, those hand were pretty chewed up. But there was enough to get prints. Looked like something had eaten the rest of the fingers, other than the cougar I mean.." He was frowning, thinking, as he spoke. Then shrugged and added, "Rats. Most likely rats." The team gave a collective groan as they began walking out of the office. "What?"

Brenda scowled at him. "Well thank you for that completely unnecessary additional bit of information Lt Flynn. "

He ignored the groans of the men in the room as they left for the night. He gave her a snappy salute. "My pleasure chief." She turned and his cocky grin slipped away as Flynn sat on the edge of his desk and waited. Brenda went into the office to gather her things.

She came out, they were the only ones left in the room, he said, "Uh chief, how bout I buy you dinner. Neither of us has anyone waiting at home and I'd kind of like not eating alone again. What do you say?' He felt like some idiot punk kid.

Brenda stood staring at him. _Not Will, not Will _she repeated again and again. He wasn't sure what her silence meant since she usually had so much to say about, well, everything. Time to take charge he thought as he stood and walked towards her. "So what sounds good to you chief?" he asked as he gently took her elbow and steered her to the door. Once she was moving willingly he released her and walked next to her to the elevator.

She stepped in and stared at the doors sliding shut. Flynn took advantage of her distraction to check her out with a critical eye he couldn't do in the squad room. "So chief, when is Agent Howard getting back from Abu Dhabi?" he asked, unable to get husband out of his mouth. Her brow puckered slightly and she rubbed it away. "I'm not real sure. The case seems to be expanding and, well, I don't know."

His jaw tightened, _don't say it, don't say it._ Flynn told himself, and then promptly ignored his own best counsel. "What bull shit chief. He's been gone for what a couple of months now, and he can't tell you when he's coming home? At least it doesn't stop him from calling and seeing you're alright." He was about to say more but she was frowning and rubbing her stomach again. He could feel her close herself off again.

They walked to Flynn's car in companionable silence. It wasn't till he was opening the passenger door that she seemed to come out of her trance. "Mango."

That stopped Flynn in his tracks. "Mango?" She nodded and slipped into the car. "Yes. Julio's mama made me this wonderful drink with mango. It was just delicious. That's what I want Lt Flynn. Mango. And I'm buying my own dinner."

He was muttering as he walked around the car to the driver's door. Brenda heard what she thought sounded like kiss ass and Sanchez but since that didn't make sense she ignored it. Her mind and stomach were focused on mangos.


	3. Chapter 3

Flynn pulled up to Brenda's cruiser and killed the engine. He got out and opened her door all the while ignoring her protests. "I'm perfectly capable of opening my own door Lt."

"Never doubted it chief." He said as he offered his hand. She ignored it and handed him her big black purse and then climbed out, shaking out her skirt with more energy than needed. "Are you still mad at me because I wouldn't let you pick up your phone?" She didn't answer, just gave a little snort. "Chief that car came close to running you over! He probably would have if I hadn't pulled you out of the way." He insisted, frustration clear in his voice. He heard another snort. "You sure you don't want to swing by the mall and get a new one? It's no trouble, really chief. Won't take any time at all."

Brenda still couldn't believe she had dropped her phone in the parking lot. It wasn't Flynn's fault but she needed to be mad at someone and he was the closest. She hated when she did things this foolish and there were witnesses. "No, no Lt, I'll take care of it tomorrow. But thank yew… so very much. It's been a log day. I'll see you tomorrow thank yew for dinner Lt.." She said as she walked to her car. "That car wasn't so close, I still think I could have gotten it." She muttered into her purse as she dug for her keys.

Flynn rolled his eyes, "Night chief." Andy Flynn smiled like a fool as he drove home. If someone had told him seven years earlier that having Brenda Leigh Johnson pissed at him would make his day, in a good way, he would have shot them…. Repeatedly.

Chief Pope walked into the murder room asking, "Where is Chief Johnson?" Flynn looked around, exchanged a look with Provenza, realizing he hadn't seen her for a while. Before he could answer Chief Pope was demanding, "And WHY isn't she answering her phone?"

"I don't know where she is right now, but I know why she isn't picking up. Her phone was run over last night." Looking around the room he said emphatically. "And I don't care what she says, it wasn't my fault." That last remark got the attention of the rest of the squad. Provenza quirked a brow and Flynn glared. "She must not have replaced it yet."

"Well as soon as she comes in I need to see her." Flynn nodded as he answered the phone on his desk. "Major Crimes, Lt Flynn." He listened to the disembodied voice a frown growing. "Yah I got it. Look it was just a mistake I'll take care of it." Hanging up he headed to electronics.

"Buzz, I just got a call from the DA's office. He claims the Victor Martinez interview isn't there."

"Oh my gosh, I can't believe I forgot. I've never done anything like this before. It was a little crazy here after Chief Johnson fainted. I got so…" Buzz shook his head, completely flustered, "This really isn't like me Lt. I'm very sorry."

"Wait, Buzz, what are you talking about? Fainted, she fainted? When? Why the hell didn't you say anything? Buzz!"

Buzz stilled and slowly turned to face Lt Flynn. "Oh. Well. Uh, well Commander Taylor and I didn't think it was our place to say anything."

"Commander Taylor knows about this? The same Commander Taylor constantly lurking around Major Crimes, the biggest gossip in all of LAPD, that Commander Taylor? And he didn't shout it from the roof tops? What the hell?" Under Flynn's intense glare he eased into his chair.

"Well yes, he was here watching the interview with Lt Provenza and Detective Gabriel. At the end of the interview Mr. Martinez was very angry at Chief Johnson. And, well." He swallowed hard, "I'll just play it and you can see.."

Flynn sat next to Buzz and watched the last few minutes of the interview. His eyes glued to the screen, he watched Brenda push a psycho that had just murdered and butchered a young woman to the point of exploding and confessing. Flynn's palms were sweating and he could hear his pulse beating madly.

When it came to closing a case she was single minded and determined, he knew that, but with this case she was fearless, too fearless. He watched as Martinez was tackled by several uniformed officers and Gabriel, Provenza and dragged from the room raging like an animal. Sanchez had moved fast to put himself between Brenda and Martinez. He then reacted just as swiftly to catch her as she dropped like a rock. One moment she was talking putting things away as she always did, calm as you please, standing there and the next she just collapsed.

He was staring at the blank screen, struggling to get his emotions under control. As much as he would like to he couldn't be angry at Sanchez; he'd kept her safe from Martinez. "What the hell happened in there? Was she hit, did the bastard hit her?"

"Commander Taylor was sure Mr. Martinez didn't touch her." Buzz added sheepishly. "Detective Sanchez said it was the smell and heat."

Flynn frowned; sure he had seen marks on her arms. "Buzz back it up, I'll tell you where to stop." He watched as the scene played in reverse. "There, stop." There were marks on her arms. Flynn took a breath taking time to control a spike of anger. Commander Taylor was correct; she had not been hit by Martinez. But someone had put hands on her with enough force to leave marks. "I want that last part cut off the disk. They don't need that."

"But Lt."

"Just do it Buzz. You're not altering the interview. That piece of shit was out of the room. No one sees the end."

Buzz did as he was asked. All the while Flynn waited for the disk he couldn't stop worrying. Where the hell was Howard? Damn the man should be here. God only knows what is wrong with her but it can't be good. No wonder Taylor was hanging around checking up on her.

At one time Taylor had Andy Flynn's full respect and support. All had been destroyed several years ago and theirs had been a strained relationship. Grudgingly Flynn gave Taylor credit for keeping the situation quiet and that kept bouncing around in his head. But had Taylor seen the bruises? Had Sanchez? Who the hell had done it? When? Why the hell didn't she tell us…. Me?

"Here you are Lt. I'm sorry about forgetting." He said handing over the disk.

"It's ok Buzz."

Flynn took the disk and headed to the DA's office. He needed to get out of the office, to clear his head. He needed to get his feelings under control. _God I want a drink, _he thought as stepped out of the elevator and it worried him. _I should have been there. Damn, I should have been there. Fritz isn't even in the country. Who the hell put their hands on her?_ He pulled out his phone and punched in a number. The recording on the other end jarred him, slamming him with the memory that his long time AA sponsor was dead, died of a heart attack a month ago. He rubbed his ring, walked to his car and did what he had to do, put one foot in front of the other and take this shitty day a minute at a time.

Walking back to the murder room two hours later Flynn was feeling more himself. "Do we have a hit on the prints?" He asked the room at large.

Provenza looked up from the file he was reading. "Nice to see you decided to join us."

"Hey I was at the DA's office." Flynn shot back, Provenza waved him away then thumped the file open on his desk. "We wrapped up our jigsaw puzzle case."

"Already?"

Sanchez grinned, "Yah, wish they were all like this one. Crazy old dude was tossing out what was left of another old _friend_ in a dumpster behind a coffee shop. Shop owner called it in."

Sanchez and Provenza took turns filling in the facts of the case. It boiled down to one crazy druggie killing his fellow druggies.

Flynn was getting dizzy looking from one to the other, then looked over at Tao and Gabriel and addressed them. "Wait, wait, he was throwing out a_ third_ body?"

Tao grinned and nodded. Gabriel rolled his eyes, "Sick as it is, it looks that way. Got ID's on all of them. All had long histories of drug arrests."

Provenza settled back into his chair with a satisfied grin, "Yep. Said the only reason he was tossing this body in the dumpster was that he thought it would attract coyotes. Said he didn't notice the smell. Was a little surprised when Tao pointed it out." Flynn was looking slack jawed. Sanchez quirked his brow and shrugged. "Already have him locked up on a psych hold."

"Chief ought to be pleased to hear that. Is she back yet?" Flynn asked as he glanced over his shoulder at her office. Hearing the familiar click of her heels he turned as she walked into the murder room.

Flynn opened his mouth as she approached but she stopped him. "I'll be with y'all in a moment. Thank yew." She closed her office door and then snapped the blinds shut. Sinking into the chair Brenda felt like she was flying to pieces and couldn't move fast enough to bring the pieces back. She pulled the new phone from her purse and stared at it for several minutes before dialing a number she now knew without prompting.

"Hello, this is Brenda Leigh Johnson; my husband is Special Agent Fritz Howard. It's urgent that I speak with him. Please get this message to him as soon as possible. It's time sensitive." Brenda leaned forward, resting her head on her desk, rubbing her churning stomach. She listened to the agent on the other end giving his standard list of bureaucratic excuses. "Look damn it, I need to talk to him. Just get him the message."

Flynn was standing at her door, hand rose to knock frozen. _Oh God, oh shit. I knew it._ Flynn felt his world shift around him. He swallowed hard and knocked. "Yes?" Pushing open the door he stepped in, "Chief Pope was looking for you earlier. Wanted to see you as soon as you got back."

"Any idea what it is this time, Lt?"

Andy shrugged. "No idea chief."

Standing she tossed her new phone into her purse she swing it over her shoulder. Andy held the door for her, "Thank yew Lt." she called to the squad "I'll be in Chief Pope's office if y'all need me."

"What's the problem now Will?" She asked as she entered his office.

"I don't know." She huffed out a frustrated sigh. Brenda hadn't allowed herself to think about what had happened a few days earlier. It was all too raw, it would just have to wait till…. Some other time, she told herself.

"Hello Brenda, nice to see you. I asked Will to send for you so we could meet in private." She knew the voice at once.

"Andrew. I know y'all will understand when I say it is not so nice to see you. If you're here it can't be good."

He smiled, "Blunt as always. And accurate."

"Yes and with that in mind, why are you here Andrew?"

"I felt I needed to come to you in person. A …. Problem has been brought to my attention recently regarding a case." He motioned to a chair, "Please sit down Brenda. Does the name Hamid ring any bells?"

She sat up straight and nodded her body language and cold expression catching Will's attention. "Who is Hamid?"

"A very bad man, with very bad connections, which unfortunately we are currently unable to locate." Andrew answered.

"Can't locate?" she asked.

"And it was so important that you flew out from DC to inform Chief Johnson because?"

"Because he made threats against me…"

"Threats the agency feels were credible than and remain credible today. We have every belief that he is planning to carry out those threats."


	4. Chapter 4

Brenda took the secure cell phone, her second new phone of the day and slipped into her black bag. "Thank you Andrew. It was nice seeing you again.'

"Yes Brenda it was nice seeing you too. You will be carful I'm sure. If I learn anything new you'll be hearing from me." Brenda stood as did Andrew. She smiled at her old boss as he moved to the door.

"So, that's it? Andrew drops in out of the blue, tells you an old terrorist you interrogated and helped put away years ago has escaped and is out to get you and you just say thank you and go back to work? " Two heads turned in unison and looked at Will Pope still seated behind his desk. "Yes." Andrew took Brenda's hand and smiled before leaving.

"Brenda I want to know about this Hamid character." Will insisted. He looked at the woman he had once loved but more importantly had loved him. He'd spent many hours privately gloating over the fact that she may be married but her husband would never have her heart completely. When other men looked at her he'd stand a little taller knowing he had done far more than _look_. And she had welcomed everything. He had exploited that connection and her blind spot where he was concerned more than once to wedge himself between Brenda and Fritz. He may have over stepped earlier, but just like always she would forgive him.

"You know very well I can't tell you anything Will. Now I have a current case to get back to."

Will stood up so forcefully his chair slammed into the credenza behind his desk. "You will tell me about this case now Brenda." He demanded. She paused and looked at him, a small frown creasing her brow.

"Will I appreciate your concern, but there is nothing I can say. You know that. This has to do with the CIA, it's classified." On that she left his office.

As she entered the murder room her mind was racing. So far this had been a god awful day. She didn't dare contemplate what else could possibly happen; there was too much chance it would. Brenda resisted the urge to glance at the wall clock knowing too much of the day still remained for a quick exit. Her office, her sanctuary was just steps away; she could shut out everyone and have a few minutes peace. Her stomach was beginning to churn and a headache was hammering behind her eyes.

Flynn was scanning a report when he heard Brenda's familiar footsteps crossing the room. Those footsteps telegraphed she was angry, not always unusual after a meeting with Pope. He smiled knowing if she was angry it wasn't his fault, this time.

As if watching someone else from a distance, Will saw his hand reaching out for Brenda and was unable to pull it back. He was aware he had lost control and to his horror couldn't stop it. Brenda was his constant. His wives had come and gone. Other women had come and gone. But a part of Brenda Leigh Johnson had always been his, always.

Brenda as well as the rest of her squad was caught off guard when Chief Pope followed Brenda into her squad room and grabbed her by the arm spinning her to face him. "Dimmit Brenda, tell me what I want to know…. Now!"

"What are you doing Will? Let go of me." She tried to pull away. 'I told you I can't say anything. I won't. You have no right to the information. You don't have the security clearance, you never did." She was too aware she was babbling. Again she attempted pulling away from the hand locked hard on her arm.

Grabbing her other arm he shook her, hard, "I said I want to know, you have to tell me. I am your superior and I order you to tell me what I want to know. Now, this instant!"

"Let…go…of…me." Her words measured and angry.

The room was silent for a moment before all hell broke loose. Flynn was at Brenda's side, his hand clamped down on Pope's arm. "Chief Pope, let her go." His voice raised.

"Back off Lt. Flynn. This is none of your business."

Will continued to demand Brenda answer his questions, oblivious to the raised voices around him. It made no sense she was refusing, she loved him, and she was just being stubborn.

"Will, let go you're hurting me." Brenda was feeling panicked. This nightmare was happening in front of her squad.

Sanchez was on the other side and was less restrained. Grabbing the front of Will's shirt, shoving his against the wall, he growled. "Take your hands off her or I'll knock you on your ass…. Sir."

It was the quiet meanness in Julio's voice that reached him and he released her, reluctantly. She was his, why wasn't she cooperating?

Flynn had her in his arms and they both stepped back. "You okay chief?"Absently he stroked her back.

She looked into the eyes of the man who had played such an important role in her life. For years she loved him, even after his betrayal she had remind loyal. But the man she was looking at now was not the man she had loved, this Will Pope was a complete stranger. His actions days earlier had opened her eyes and cut the tie they shared. Today he had shattered everything. They may have been able to carry on as friends, now that would be impossible.

"No Lt, I'm not fine at all."

Will Pope couldn't look away from Brenda. The beautiful brown eyes that stared back at him were those of a stranger, filled with rage and contempt. "Brenda, I have to talk to you. Not here in front of everyone, in your office. I need to explain, make you understand."

Brenda's heart was pounding in her ears. Will was pushing at Sanchez trying to get to Brenda and each time he moved she pressed tighter to Flynn. He could feel her trembling slightly.

Sharron Raydor couldn't believe what she was witnessing. Moving swiftly, she positioned herself between the Chief Pope and Deputy Chief Johnson. "What in the hell is going on here? Chief Pope have you lost your mind? Leave now. Sign out and go home. I'll be in contact."

Detective Sanchez was still holding Chief Pope up against the wall. "Take your hands off me detective." Will said as he attempted to move towards Brenda again, ignoring Capt. Raydor.

"No." Sanchez growled.

"Chief Pope if you have any intention or hope of hanging on to your career you will leave now."

Flynn still had his arm around Brenda and walked her to her office. "Sit down Chief." He eased her into her chair before closing the blinds then returned to her side. New bruises were forming on her arms. Bruises that matched the ones he had seen in the video.

"Chief…?"

"Please Lt….. I don't want to talk about it."

"Chief, the son of a bitch attacked you."

"Please…. Andy. I can't ….." Her voice was no more than a whisper. A tear slipped down her cheek.

Sharon knocked on the door and walked in without waiting, followed closely by the rest of Brenda's squad. Sharon knew she was not going to get a private moment with Brenda, one glance at the faces of the men in room told her to give up the thought. "Are you all right?"

Brenda didn't look up just nodded.

"Bullshit! Capt she has bruises on her arms and not just from today." That was a bombshell no one expected. Brenda unconsciously covered her arms. "Something happened a few days ago."

"I need to talk to Chief Johnson alone. Please." No one moved. "I know you are concerned about her, as am I. The sooner I… we deal with this the better for your chief. Please."

Tao stepped around everyone and moved to Brenda's desk. Opening her candy drawer he took out her favorite chocolate, a ding dong and placed it in her hand. "It's going to be okay chief." He said quietly.

As the squad turned to leave grudgingly she added, "Detective Sanchez, Lt Flynn, I want to thank you for taking the action you did."

Sanchez asked, "What action? I didn't hit him."

"Ah but you wouldn't have hesitated if you thought it was needed." Sanchez smiled and nodded.

"You need anything chief you got it." Sanchez said as he walked from the office. Brenda didn't look up but mumble, "Thank yew, Julio."

Flynn couldn't make his feet move to the door. He wanted to wrap his arms around her again and protect her from….. everything. _Where the hell was Fritz, the son of a bitch?_

"Andy please. I have a job to do, let me do it." Capt Raydor said.

As Flynn hesitated he looked at Capt Sharon Raydor and realized he no longer thought of her as the in house enemy. She had come to his aid more than once. Now they were all on the same team.

"Okay, okay I'm going. But know this on the record, off the record, I don't care. I'm telling you straight up, I see Pope, I can't promise I won't knock him on his fucking ass." His anger made New York accent thick. Walking around Brenda's desk Flynn went down on his knee in front of her, taking a crisp white handkerchief from his pocket he gently wiped her tears away. "Hey chief, you know I'm lousy at all that political correctness crap. Whatever you need you got. That includes kicking a certain acting chief of police's ass." He didn't look at Sharon adding, "No one would ever know."

"Andy." She frowned at him and he relaxed.

"Just thinking out loud chief." He flashed his now familiar not so innocent little boy grin at her and tucked the handkerchief into her small palm. He was stalling, he didn't want leave her like this. "Want me to unwrap that ding dong for you?"

The thought of eating made her stomach lurch and she groaned. "No, thank yew, chocolate sounds awful." She said rubbing her stomach willing it to settle.

Flynn scanned the room, "He gone?"

"Yah. Soon as Julio released him he was out of here in a shot."

"Did the chief say anything? What the hell was that about?" Gabriel asked. Flynn glanced at Brenda's office and motioned everyone to the far side of the room.

"She didn't say a word. You know the chief. Thinks she can handle anything. You remember that first year she was here when that pervert bastard tried to rape her? She refused going to the hospital. Didn't want help from anyone."

Provenza looked at his, "How the hell do you know about that? You weren't a member of the squad. The chief had thrown your ass back to Robbery Homicide."

Flynn gave a one word answer. "Taylor."

Heads nodded collectively.

He narrowed his stare at Provenza, "I told you something was wrong with her, didn't I tell you?"

"Yah, Okay you were right. Feel better?"

"No. Mostly I just feel sick about this." Flynn glanced around the room. They all leaned in close. "She's crying."

"Aw damn over this? My god she's been through worse and didn't even get teary eyed." Provenza grumbled. They all know Brenda Leigh Johnson was tough as nails. She could handle crime scenes that had made more than one member of the squad weak in the knees. This wasn't like her, she doesn't cry, she gets mad.

Tao asked his voice also low. "You said she had bruises on her arms. When did you see them?"

"I spotted them when I saw the Martinez interrogation." They were all lost momentarily in their own thoughts. "Son of a bitch!" Flynn muttered.

"Jeez Louise Flynn what now?" Provenza asked.

"Didn't any of you hear what they were saying? Pope wanted information. She said he didn't have_ clearance_."

They all muttered, "CIA," in unison.

To Flynn what he said next was the most significant bit of information, "She didn't eat the ding dong. Said they don't taste good." All eyes turned to stare at her office.

"Chief Johnson I want you to listen to me. I know you just want all of this to go away. That is not going to happen, it can't. I'm a witness for god's sake. You have visible injuries. I want you take a few days. Get some rest. You have an exceptional group of men out there." She paused and made a face. "If you tell Flynn I said that, I'll deny it."

Brenda looked up and gave her a watery little smile. "Trust that they can handle things." She softened her voice, "Those men out there care for you chief. You better believe they will do whatever they think needs to be done. I'm going to have a few sleepless nights worrying what Flynn may be plotting." Sharon shuttered a little. "I'll have a word with him before I leave. I'm hoping he doesn't take Detective Sanchez with him to the dark side." She told herself.

Brenda stared at the handkerchief in her hand, baffled where it came from. Wiping her eyes the subtle scent of Flynn aftershave filled her nostrils. Peace washed over her as a flash of memory, Flynn's arms wrapped protectively around her, soothing her frayed nerves.

"Okay, alright. A few days, I'll do that." She looked a Sharon, her chin wobbled, "Why the hell did this have to happen? I know you have to do your job. I wish you didn't but…" She couldn't finish.

"Please don't fight me on this, but…. I have to photograph the bruises on your arms." Before Brenda could protest, Sharon held up her hand. She paused then asked, "Are there others?"

She didn't answer right away and that concerned Capt Raydor. Flynn said she had bruises from days earlier, could there be other injuries? "No. Just my arms."

Brenda returned to her office after having her injuries officially documented. She wanted to wrap herself in her beige sweater and huddle in a corner, but it was too hot for that. She sorted through a few files on her desk, prioritizing what the squad needed to focus on.

"Do you fell up to driving?" Sharon's voice startled her out of her dark thoughts.

"Yes. I'm fine."

"I'll walk you out."

Brenda looked at the men gathered near her office door. Sharon was right. They were all exceptional police officers and more importantly her friends. She swallowed the lump in her throat. "Um, I'm going to take a couple of days off. I know y'all will all do just fine." She had to leave it at that, tears were threatening to spill again.

"Chief, I'll drive you home." Flynn stepped forward.

"No, no. Thank yew, Lt Flynn, I'm fine, no reason for anyone to fuss." She said, squeezing the white cloth square still clutched in her hand. It was so difficult looking them in the face. But she wasn't going to slink out of her murder room as if _she_ had done something wrong; she resisted the urge to cover her arms. Looking at each, she smiled, "Y'all need to get back to work now." She absently rubbed her forehead and fiddled with her hair. "Here are the files y'all will need.' She said handing the files to Lt Provenza, "I know y'all will give Lt Provenza your full cooperation. I'll see you in a couple of days. Bye now." Head high Brenda Leigh Johnson walked from her murder room, feeling all eyes focused on her.

End of shift felt as if it would never arrive. Provenza closed the file he had been working on. "Well this has been one hell of a day. Anyone up for a drink at Muldoon's ? First round is on me. I know I could sure use one." Lt Provenza asked the room at large.

Both Tao and Sanchez agreed. Gabriel answered, "Dinner first. I may have that drink too."

They were walking out when Provenza turned back to his friend, "Flynn, you coming?"

"You go on. I have a meeting." Provenza smiled and nodded, "See you in the morning."

Flynn looked at those seated around him and stood, "My name is Andy and I'm an alcoholic."


	5. Chapter 5

By the time Monday morning rolled around Brenda was thoroughly sick of herself, Joel and her now spotless home. She had missed Fritz's calls twice, but at least there was something new on the answering machine. One last look in the mirror assured her she looked much better than she had in a week. The dark circles were gone and there was color in her cheeks. Taking the doctors advice she had gotten lots of sleep. Brenda had been skeptical she would be able to sleep at all, but had slept like the dead for nearly fifteen hours straight.

She was just as surprised she was able resist the urge to call Sergeant Gabriel to see what was going on with the squad. Several times she had had the phone in her hand and dialed but hung up before it rang.

And to add to her cheerful mood all evidence of the bruises were gone. Only a faint green tint remained.

/

"Morning y'all." She said as she strolled in. "Lt. Provenza, I have a budget meeting down town this morning but when I get back I'll want to know where we are on those cases we had outstanding when I left."

"Sure thing chief."

Walking into her office/sanctuary, she opened the blinds to the bright Los Angeles sunshine. A sense of peace settled over her as she looked out over the city that she had come to think of as home. _Oh my I missed you._ She thought as she stood at the window.

Before leaving she gathered the messages from her desk. A quick shuffle through the notes and she was satisfied there was nothing that couldn't wait.

At the end of shift Brenda got a call from Capt Raydor. "Would you come by my office before you leave? I want to brief you on the …. matter."

"Sure. I'd rather discuss this in your office than mine. I'll be right there."

"Night y'all. See you in the morning."

Flynn took a long look at her for the umpteenth time that day. He couldn't help it. It had been hell with her gone, not knowing how she was coping with everything. She did look better and that was a small consolation. He had attended meetings every night and two on Saturday. It had been years since he felt this unsure of his sobriety. Hell of a way to be reminded there is no such thing as a cure.

"Night chief. Real nice having you back." Flynn couldn't help adding, "Missed having you here."

Brenda smiled at Flynn, "I know this is going to come as a shock, but I missed y'all too."

"Even Flynn chief?" Provenza asked.

"Yes Lt Provenza, even Flynn." She walked out listening to the hoots of laughter from her team.

In the elevator she was digging through her black bag for her glasses and spied a flash of white peeking out of one of the pockets. Alone in the elevator she pulled out the neatly folded handkerchief and held it to her nose. It still carried a hint of him. Closing her eyes she inhaled and felt a familiar and welcome sensation of comfort wash over her. The elevator dinged and she tucked the cloth back into her bag. Stepping out Brenda walked to Capt Raydor's office in FID. This mess wasn't Capt Raydor's area. But since she was a witness and it was the Chief of Police acting or not, the decision was made and it fell to Raydor to handle it.

/

Brenda returned to her office, closed the blinds ensuring privacy even though the squad was gone for the night. Her stomach was rolling violently after meeting with Capt. Raydor. The medication the doctor had prescribed was only marginally effective. Taking a calming breath Brenda walked to the window and watched the sun set over the city.

Chief Pope was going to keep his job as interim Chief of Police. She had flashes of conversations and comments Fritz had made over the last several years that Will would think nothing of stabbing her in the back to get what he wanted. And he had wanted to be named LADP Chief of Police. But Brenda knew how these things worked. Will would never be named chief and he would never forgive her for that.

She had known Will for years; this wasn't the man she knew. She had run the events around in her mind till she was dizzy and none of what had happened made sense. She wasn't going to have to worry about dealing with him directly for the next few months and for that she was very grateful. But once he was done with all the anger management and sexual harassment and any other class the department assigned his, he would be back. She hoped by then he would be able to explain his actions in a way she understood.

Some harsh realities were piling up on her. She may be very good at lying to others in order to elicit answers to bring about convictions, but she couldn't lie to herself. Fritz wasn't too busy to call her. The few calls he'd made were during times she wouldn't be home to answer. Every time she tried to see a way forward she hit a wall.

She couldn't confide in anyone about Hamid. It was CIA and classified. Andrew had contacted her letting her know as far as the Agency knew he was not in the US. Andrew had offered to arrange relocating her. Darkness had settled in as she stood at the window and the lights of the city glowed like jewels. Her tears softened the harsh lines of the city below.

As an Air Force brat they had moved continuously. Her parents didn't understand why Atlanta wasn't home to her. Fritz had been dropping not so subtle hints about relocating to DC. She continued to stare out her window at the only place she had ever been that truly felt like home, her home. How can Fritz or her parents or Andrew ask her to walk away from her home?

Flynn had gotten hung up talking or arguing basketball with several officers in the parking garage. He was getting into his car when he noticed Brenda's car was still there. He was instantly on alert. She had left before any of them, she should be long gone by now. An old CIA case is what had set off Pope. Years working Robbery Homicide before coming to Major Crimes insured he had a hell of a stock pile of horrible scenarios that were at that moment flashing through his mind, bombarding him with what–ifs.

/

He made it back to the squad room in record time. He had to start searching somewhere. The only room still fully lit was her office. Flynn paused briefly before pushing the door open to see her standing at the window. Without hesitation or waiting for permission Flynn walked in and moved to her side. "Chief?" His voice little more than a whisper.

Brenda turned, wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face in his chest. Slowly he wrapped his arms around her. They stood holding each other without speaking. Brenda didn't want him to let go. It was frightening to realize how desperately she needed this, not just the human contact, she needed Andy, to hold her and make her feel safe and less alone, even for a brief moment. Even if it was a lie.

At some point Andy had moved to a chair and settled her in his lap. She was emotionally drained and wanted to stay tucked against his chest and block out the world. Neither said a word. He waited patiently till her sobs turned to hiccups to shuttering little breaths. Andy took another crisp handkerchief from his pocket, dried her tears and gently set her on her feet. He turned off the desk lamp, picked up her big black bag and with her at his side walked her out of the office.

It was late and the day shift was long gone. Andy Flynn wouldn't have cared for himself, but he wasn't going to do anything to cause Brenda concern. Once in the elevator he handed her her bag and she robotically put it over her shoulder. They walked to the parking garage without seeing any other officers. Andy helped her into the car and when she made no move to fasten her seat belt he did it for her.

They rode in silence to her home. It wasn't until she was curled up on her couch that he spoke. "Chief….. Brenda, I'm going to fix you something to eat." He couldn't be sure she heard him. Rifling through her cupboards he found what he was looking for, soup. While it was heating he moved to the sink to fill a tea kettle with water and froze. Lined up in a neat little row were six prescription bottles. He gripped the rim of the sink till his knuckles were white. Andy Flynn loved to be right….. about everything. Seeing the row of medication was confirmation that once again Andy Flynn was right. And he hated it.

Once she was full of tea and soup Brenda found she was able to talk. She feared if she didn't Andy might leave and she couldn't let that happen. 'Thank you Andy. I didn't realize I was hungry." He just listened, let her say whatever she wanted to. Talking was good, it didn't matter what she was saying, and he was just relieved she wasn't so silent and closed off.

As she spoke about unrelated and useless things she had moved across the couch, closer to Andy's side. Her comments on pot holes and China Town belonging to her made no sense and made him smile. By the time she was talking about Will Pope she was resting her head on his chest and his arm was around her. "Feeling better?"

"Hmmmm."

Like awaking from a deep sleep she slowly became aware she was in Andy Flynn's arms. The problem as Brenda saw it was that being in Andy's arms felt like home.


	6. Chapter 6

Brenda relaxed with each day that passed. No one spoke of Pope and more importantly, no one said a word about her crying. Commander Taylor had poked his head out of his office every so often. When caught he said he was keeping tabs on their current cases. But she knew it was to keep tabs on any gossip that might be floating around the office. She had a hard time not laughing when she saw him remembering Sanchez joked that Taylor reminded him of the game 'Whack A Mole.'

As she walked to the murder board to post pictures of the latest victims, she muttered, "When is that man getting an office?"

Sanchez grinned, "The mole?"

Brenda put her fingers to her lips as if it would stop the laugh determined to escape. Then gave him a stern look, "Shame on you Detective Sanchez," but blew it when she laughed out load.

"Sorry chief." She was shaking her head; he didn't look at all repentant.

"Hmmm." She cleared her throat and gave herself a little shack, turned back to the board stilling grinning. "Oh lord, we are all going to hell." She said when she heard the rest of the room chuckling.

Terrance entered the murder room, his head swiveling in search of his true desire, smiling he immediately moved to stand next to Brenda. "Hello Chief Johnson." He leaned forward and sniffed her hair.

Sanchez was out of his chair and moving across the room as soon as he saw Terrance. The squad knew he was crazy about the chief. Sanchez just thought of him as crazy. Standing next to Brenda, Sanchez motioned Terrance to back up then crossed his arms, not satisfied and said, "Further. You know the rules Terrance." Sanchez uncrossed his arms and Terrance grudgingly complied. After his last visit Terrance was told to stay ten feet away from Chief Johnson.

"Hello Brenda. Might I say you look lovely today, glowing as a matter of fact? I have the autopsy results. I know time is important to you so I brought the file to you personally. You'll be pleased to know it was a clear case of homicide."

Sanchez held out his hand for the autopsy report. Terrance tried to hand the file to Brenda. Sanchez rolled his eyes and snatched up the file.

"I would have been pleased with natural causes since that would mean I could close it. Thank yew Terrance." He was clearly torn. He wanted to be close to her just a few more minutes. "Thank yew so much." He just stood gazing. "Okay than, I uh.. need to get to work. Bye now."

"Terrance!" Sanchez stepped forward and gave him little poke.

"Brenda, if you need any help with the results we can go over them together." He spoke to her as if they were alone…. In the dark…. Sharing a glass of Merlo.

Sanchez was shaking his head, "Terrance, _Chief Johnson_ needs to get back to work." He stepped back, reaching behind his back he gave her a little nudge. When that didn't work he glanced over his shoulder giving her a look that clearly said _why are you still here? _Taking the hint, Brenda grabbed the file from Sanchez and made a bee line to her office.

She waved the file as she went, "Thank yew, thank yew so much." She said as she ducked into her office.

Terrance stood gazing till she was out of sight. "You have no idea how lucky you are to be working with such a goddess." Without looking up from his puzzle Provenza said, "Yah, well she's our goddess Terrance. And don't you forget it."

He then swiveled in his chair and stared at Terrance. When the man didn't move Provenza rolled up his crossword puzzle and gave him a swat. "Terrance. Go."

/

The week had moved quickly. It was the end of shift on Friday and the squad was making plans for dinner at Muldoon's. It wasn't a hard decision for Brenda, an empty house or dinner with friends. Flynn popped his head in. "You ready chief?"

"Be right there." She tucked some files into her black bag and nodded. He didn't miss the small prescription bottle she took from her drawer and dropped in her bag with her glasses and phone. He knew she didn't intend to tell any of them what was wrong and now wasn't the time to bring it up.

But Andy Flynn was not real good at respecting boundaries if someone he cared about was in trouble or in need. And in his estimation Brenda was both. He wasn't kidding himself; he knew he was going to be meddling in her very private life and it was wrong ….. that wasn't going to stop him. He was going to stick his nose in whether she liked it or not.

/

Brenda laid in bed trying to ignore the brilliant morning light coming through her bedroom windows. She absently thought of getting black out shades, and then dismissed the idea since she had been thinking that every morning since renting the house. Then she did what she had done every other morning, she rolled over and forgot about black out shades. Joel was calling for breakfast and she really had no reason to stay in bed, so she forced herself to get her day started.

Joel taken care of, Brenda lazed on the couch sipping juice, reading the paper and absently thinking she needed to get dressed. Instead she called her mother and chatted for an hour.

At noon there was a knock on the door. Since she wasn't expecting anyone she ignored it. _Probably Witnesses_. Where she didn't begrudge anyone their religious beliefs she didn't feel the need to indulge them. When the knocking didn't stop she dragged her feet to the door. She'd just take a quick glance out the peep hole then she could go on ignoring whoever was interrupting her Saturday.

The polite knock became a determined pounding "Chief, it's Flynn, I know your home."

Forgetting all she had on was a skimpy pink tank top and baggy yellow and green plaid sleep shorts she yanked open the door. "What's happened? Has there been a murder? Is something wrong, why didn't I get a call?" leaving him standing on the porch she turned and went in search of her phone. Digging in her bag she located it and quickly checked to see the battery wasn't dead and the ringer was on.

Flynn walked in and shut the door. Taking advantage of her distraction he indulged in his favorite past time. He had never seen her like this, completely disheveled. No makeup, her hair a pulled back in a messy wad at the back of her head with what looked like a chop stick for takeout Chinese food stuck in it and fuzzy blue bunny slippers. She was far from the neat buttoned up southern church lady with bad taste in clothes he worked with. He grinned seeing her now it was hard to reconcile the two. Well the bad taste was consistent. Though to be fair she had gotten better. Though he was curious where she got shopped, the Grove was out of the question.

He wanted to laugh and kick Fritz's ass at the same time. How could the bastard leave her for any reason for any length of time?

Brenda turned to Flynn, shoving a lock of hair from her face asking, "So tell me what's happened Lt. why you are here? No one called me.."

Flynn had run this conversation around in his head a million times. A million wasn't enough. "I'm not here about work." He swallowed and realized there was no easy way to say what he felt he had to say. "Aw hell. I don't know how to say this."

"Just spit it out Lt."

Stalling he moved to the couch. "Would you sit down ?" He dragged a hand threw his hair.

"Lt?" Brenda sat and waited. This wasn't like him. Something was wrong…_Oh no, something is wrong with him. Not Flynn no. _The stab of panic was so deep and sharp it was a physical pain.

"The past several weeks I've noticed changes and…I…. can't help but think something is wrong….. with you."

It wasn't what she was expecting and took a beat to sink in, "Me?" She raised a brow and waited. Standing she looked at Flynn, her eyes huge. _Not Flynn, me, he is talking about me_. Brenda could feel her heart start to pound. Rapidly thinking back over the past few weeks, trying to recall what she said or did that would cause Flynn to show up in her living room. Had she said something about Fritz? She had blocked out the night she cried all over him, he'd sat on this very couch and listened to her babble about lord knows what.

She couldn't stay still and paced to the other side of the room. "Me, what makes you think there is something wrong with me?"

"Well, you've lost weight, you're sick all the time and there's a damn pharmacy on your kitchen counter. And…"

Turning she looked at her kitchen where she had her medication sitting on the counter._ Damn_. "How do you know I've lost weight?"

"Chief, it's me, Flynn."

Her eyes narrowed.

"I…. appreciate a nice looking woman. And when I see one, I look." He said with a shrug.

Her arms were now crossed and she was tapping her bunny slipper clad foot. How the hell did this conversation get so off track? He stood, throwing his hands in the air saying, "I like to look at you chief. Okay I said it. I like looking at you." He took a breath, grateful she hadn't thrown something at him. "I noticed you look… different. I guess I noticed the weight loose because it makes your breast look bigger.' He finished with a crooked smile.

Brenda's mouth fell open and her hands flew to her breast. She stood looking horrified while cupping her hands over her breasts, "You've been staring at my breasts?"

"Well… I wouldn't say staring…. exactly."

"Eeeewwww." The thought ran through her head that maybe her breasts did look different. She curled her fingers over the rim of her tank, pulled and looked down at herself.

Flynn groaned dragged his hands over his face and looked at the ceiling. How could a woman with such a brilliant mind for solving crime be this clueless? And how the hell had this gone so wrong? When he looked back she was still cupping herself. "If you don't want me to look you need to stop doing that." He waved his hand at her as he spoke.

Brenda immediately dropped her hands to her sides and scowled at him. "So Lt do tell, what conclusions you've drawn while staring at my breast?" She was using her sickeningly sweet southern drawl that wasn't the least bit sweet.

"That you're sick. And I'm afraid it's something bad….. like…. cancer." He said bluntly.

"Cancer!….Cancer?….. How on earth did you come up with that?"

"Well…." He took a deep breath thinking there was no going back now. "You've lost weight, you've been sick a lot. You fainted after that Martinez interrogation. Scared the hell out of me," he said more to himself than to her. "Jez chief, I am a detective."

There was another knock on the door and Flynn heard her snort, muttering as she moved to the door, "Detective, ha. If that's your conclusion you're not a very good one."

She opened the door and was surprised to see Detective Sanchez. "Hi chief."

"Detective well this is a surprise." Glancing over her shoulder she added, "Or not."

"I know this is your day off and all, but there is something I wanted to talk to you about and I don't…"

Cutting him off she stepped aside, waved him in saying "Come in detective." Before shutting the door Brenda stuck her head out and looked around, just in case any other members of her squad were lurking about.

Sanchez walked in, surprised to see Flynn leaning against the dining room door way "Flynn."

"Sanchez."

Brenda shut the door and walked past both men, "Detective would you like a cup of coffee?" Sanchez ran his eyes over her taking in the outfit and slippers and couldn't hold back a grim. She got two mugs from the cupboard. Her mind was reeling, Flynn thought she was ill. Could Sanchez be thinking the same thing? Have I really been that off the last few weeks?

Remembering the two men in her living room she turned and glanced at Flynn than back to Sanchez, raised a brow and waited for him to continue. "Look chief, I know you haven't said anything and I would never mention anything at work, but… I come from a big family, a lot babies….."

Brenda was stunned. How did he know? "Oh for heaven sake." Her hand flew to her breast… again. "Have you been staring at my breast too?"

"No! Why would you think…..?" Sanchez looked at Flynn who gave little shrug.

Brenda was still clutching her breasts and Flynn was looking disgusted. When she didn't move her hands Sanchez leaned in and asked quietly "Did you want me too?"

"Nooo!"

Flynn pushed away from the wall and grumbled, "Then stop doing that!" She shot him a glare as her hands fell to her sides.

"What makes _you_ think I'm….. pregnant?"

"Well, you're tired, and your stomach is upset a lot. You've lost weight. You fainted. You don't eat chocolate and you don't drink your merlot…. You _cried_ Chief." He gave a little shrug adding, "I'm a detective."

"Hump. He thinks I have cancer." She said, annoyance clear in her voice, jerking her thumb at Flynn.

"Cancer! How did he come up with that?"

"He's a _detective_." She said sweetly.

"Not a very good one."

"That's what I said!"


	7. Chapter 7

_Pregnant. She's pregnant._ Why the hell hadn't he thought she could be pregnant? He walked into the kitchen and poured that cup of coffee, anything to give him a moment to wrap his brain around this unexpected news. Flynn was taken aback. He knew why it hadn't occurred to him, but to admit it made his sound like an ass. When had she become more to him than a boss, a friend, when had she become so damn important to him personally? _Pregnant…oh hell she's pregnant…._ He stared out the kitchen window and took a big swallow of scalding coffee, burning his mouth and throat. He didn't notice the pain, his heart was aching too much.

"So you are pregnant chief?" Sanchez asked.

"Yes, detective I am….. pregnant." She heard the words come out of her mouth for the first time. Did she sound happy? She didn't know. Was she happy? She couldn't go there, not yet. "And thank you for not thinking I'm too _old _to be pregnant."

The last comment brought Flynn out of his stunned silence. "I don't think you're too old to have a baby!"

"Well that's_ so_ nice to hear Lt." She was really pouring on the sweet southern charm.

"Guess Agent Howard can't wait to get home. He must be really excited."

Flynn watched Brenda fidget, damn; they shouldn't be the first ones hearing this news. Where is the bastard?

She was fiddling with her hair and rubbing her forehead said, "I haven't told him yet. This isn't news you give over the phone." She looked a little unsure than asked, "is it?"

"I wouldn't know chief." Sanchez replied quietly. "So I get to be the first to say congratulations?" Brenda smiled and Sanchez gave her a big hug. Joel trotted through the kitchen catching his attention.

"Wow, chief, I forgot you have a cat." He frowned at Joel.

Brenda looked down at Joel wandering around the kitchen looking for someone to drop him a treat. "Chief you can't take care of Joel if you're pregnant."

"What, that's just silly? Why ever not?"

"It's not safe for the baby."

Brenda looked from Sanchez to Flynn. Flynn nodded, "Its true chief. Could be bad for the baby."

She frowned down at Joel, blank brained as to how to deal with this new kink in her life. "I can't get rid of Joel, he's family." She scooped up the orange cat and buried her face in his fur. "How bad?"

Flynn walked over and took the cat away from her; he scratched Joel before placing him on the floor. "Possible birth defects, possible chief." She looked down at the cats rubbing against Flynn's leg as if he were suddenly possessed. "I said possible. You don't have to get rid of Joel. Just talk to your doctor. Better safe than sorry."

"Chief like I said I come from a big family, lots babies, lots of pets. My nephews will be over to take care of Joel's litter box."

"Julio y'all can't do that. I'm your superior. It's against department policy for me to ask you to do anything off duty."

"You didn't ask. And it won't be me chief. It will be my nephews. Just until agent Howard gets home." He quickly explained and said the boys would be over the next day.

"But Julio…"

"It's for the baby chief." She hugged Sanchez. He caught Flynn's frown and grinned.

"Thank you Julio. I appreciate this."

Brenda walked into the kitchen to refill her coffee cup. Before she could take a drink Sanchez took the cup from her. "You need to talk to your doctor about that too." A quick glance at Flynn confirmed Sanchez was right.

"Oh for heaven sake." She watched as he poured it down the drain. Brenda wondered not for the first time how she was going to get through this. In the last few minutes she discovered how clueless she was. Both these men knew more than she did.

"Congratulation on the baby. I'll see you Monday chief." Sanchez said as he moved to the door, Flynn behind him. Brenda gave him a hug.

"Thank you, Julio."

Flynn gave her a brief hug, "You need anything call me" he said quietly.

Brenda couldn't help it; she was still stinging, believing he thought she was old and ill. "I know a woman of my advanced years has to be careful not to fall and break a hip but I believe I'll be just fine."

Flynn looked pained, "You're not going to let me forget that are you?"

"Well Lt, if you're lucky I may not remember a thing y'all said today." She shooed them out the door.

"Don't worry chief, I'll remind you." Sanchez laughed as he moved towards the porch steps.

"Why thank yew Detective Sanchez." She called.

As soon as the door shut behind them Flynn turned to Sanchez and said, "You are such a kiss ass."

Sanchez laughed, "You're just pissed because she was mad at you for not thinking baby before cancer, _detective_."

Brenda decided a good long soak in the tub would help her relax and clear her head. She would have rather had a very big glass of Merlo, but that out of the question now. How many times had she come home and walked to the cupboard intending to pour a glass? It was automatic, she did it without thinking. That was something else she was going to have to face….. but not today. She would tuck that away to deal with some other time.

Walking into the bathroom she caught site of herself in the full length mirror. The palm she slapped over her mouth muffled her horrified scream. "Oh my lord, I just spent the last hour talking to Flynn and Sanchez looking like this!" she wailed out load.

/

Flynn picked up the phone and set it down, again. He had been repeating this ritual for the last hour. Sleep was impossible. He picked up the phone dialed and waited, listening to the rings. "Hello, hold on please…" the voice was female. Flynn slumped on the couch, rubbing a hand over his heart he closed his eyes and waited. "Fritz, wake up honey, you have a call." He could hear two voices on the other end but couldn't understand what was being said. "Agent Howard."

Flynn had planned to say simply that Howard needed to get home and check on his wife. Instead his temper snapped, "You scum bag son of a bitch. Abu Dhabi my ass." He yelled before disconnecting and tossing the phone on the table. He couldn't sit still, couldn't sleep. The walls of his home were closing in and he needed air. Grabbing his keys he decided to go for a drive and clear his head. He ignored the phone ringing on the table as he locked the door.

/

Brenda smoothed her hair and gave her jacket an extra tug to be sure it was straight. She had spent a ridiculous amount of time fussing over her appearance this morning. Her bedroom looked as if she had thrown a majority of her clothes willy-nilly around the room. That was pretty much what she had done. There was no time to clean up the mess; it would have to wait till tonight. Cleaning had become a ritual since she was no longer relaxing over a glass of Merlo.

Walking in to the squad room she hoped to make it to her office without having to look at Sanchez or Flynn. "Morning chief.' Flynn grinned. Brenda did a double take… did he just wink? Her brow furrowed and he added, "Looking good chief."

"Thank yew Lt." She replied threw gritted teeth.

"New outfit?"Flynn was smiling like the altar boy she knew him not to be.

"Heavens, this _old_ thing?" She smoothed her hair needlessly and ducked into her office.

At noon Detective Sergeant Gabriel knocked on her door. "Chief got a call. Looks like a double homicide."

Before she could answer Sanchez said. "Gabriel I have to talk to the chief about something. Give us a minute." On that he shut the door in Gabriel's face. "Chief I think it would be better if you let us go and you stay here."

Lowering her voice she hissed "Detective Sanchez explain yourself. But before you say a word I had better not hear anything about me not being….. fit for the job.."

Holding up his hand to stop her he answered, "No chief….. It's just that….. it's kids chief, two little kids."

Putting her black bag over her shoulder moving from behind her desk she took a second to the information sink in. Taking a deep breath she gave his arm a gentle squeeze. "Thank yew Detective. But I can't not go, its part of the job we have chosen to do. I'm no different from any other member of the squad."

"Okay chief." He didn't agree but there was nothing he could do about it.

A uniformed officer approached as they arrived on the scene. After identifying herself she said, "What have y'all got?"

"Bodies are up there in the bushes. The hills and brush in this lot attract all kinds Chief. A couple of kids were out walking their dogs, found the bodies are wrapped in a blanket. Ma'am you might want to let them go." He said pointing towards Sanchez and Gabriel. "This lose dirk makes it a slippery climb…. And those little bodies…"

"Yes I get the picture. Thank yew." Using Detective Taos forearm as a brace Brenda climbed the slop to the where the bodies were.

"Alright gentlemen let's see what we've got." She steeled herself before lifting the sheet over the small bodies.

"Oh my god, these are just babies." She heard Buzz gasp as he started filming. The rest weren't holding back their collective horror and disgust that anyone could do this. There weren't enough years on the job dealing with murder to prepare anyone for this.

She gave orders to the teams while she made mental notes of the injuries and forced her emotions into that place in her mind she stored things to be dealt with later or preferably never. "This didn't happen here."

They moved through the crime scene with little conversation. The age of the victims, one less than a year the other less than three, would have shaken even the toughest cop on the force.

The coroner gave a time of death, "Chief Johnson they've been dead between twelve and sixteen hours." She nodded.

"Detective Sergeant Gabriel and I are going to the morgue. Detective Sanchez would you please run a canvas of the neighborhood. I need to know who these babies are. I don't understand why no one is missing them…. If you get an ID before we get back to the squad room please let me know. Somewhere in this city there is a mama going crazy looking for her babies." Taking a step down the hill to the car she stumbled as a rock dislodged under her foot and sent her tumbling before anyone could grab her. She let out a surprised squeal.

"Chief!" Gabriel yelled and grabbed but caught nothing but air.

Sanchez got to her first. Brenda was more mad than hurt. "Chief you all right?"

"Yes I'm fine." Holding up her hand to him. He pulled her easily to her feet.

"Easy chief. You sure you _feel_ alright?" He asked as he removed twigs and a couple leaves from her hair. "Looks like you have scraps on your elbows."

"Yes, yes. No need to fuss, I'm perfectly fine. Just…. dirty."

"Provenza and I can go the morgue chief. You need to go home. Take it easy. We've got this." Flynn said when he got to her side.

"I'm going to the morgue. I just need to take a little detour and clean up first." She said as she beat the dust off her skirt, the skirt she had spent so much time deciding on. "Now we all have work to do, let's get to it. Detective Sergeant Gabriel with me."

/

Brenda ignored the stinging scratched on her palms and elbow. It wasn't so easy to ignore the ache in her backside. She knew she was going to find a nice bruise forming on her butt where she hit the ground. Neither she nor Gabriel spoke on the drive to her house.

"I won't take long David."

"Don't worry chief. I'm not in that big a hurry to see them…"

"I understand."

Rushing to her bedroom she shut the door and stripped out of her dirt covered clothes as quick as she could. She caught a glimpse of the makes covering her arms and legs, scratches from the bushes. Rushing to the toilet she emptied her stomach. Relieved she was able to make it home before being sick. Stepping into the shower she scrubbed off the dirt, shampooed her hair and let the soap run into her eyes welcoming the tears. Her head was under the shower when the curtain was pulled back and a large pair of hands griped her waist. She screamed in shock.

"Brenda it's me Fritz." Pushing her hair from her face she looked at her husband than wrapped her arms around him. "My god what happened to you?"

"Nothing really, fell down a hill. No big deal." Releasing him she pulled curtain closed rinsing off. _What else is going to happen today?_ Turning off the water she stood, needing to steady herself. "I have to get back to work." She wrapped herself in a towel and threw a second over her head to dry her hair. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming home? I could have fixed a nice dinner….. or something."

"Honey, Brenda, I have some news….Please just sit down for a few minutes."

"Oh Fritz its goanna have to wait. I have to get to the morgue. We have a double homicide."

"Brenda when do you not have a homicide?" He sat on the bed and watched her rush around the room. It was as if he'd never left.

"Its two little girls, babies really." She had to take a breath to keep from being ill again as the image of the babies flashed in front of her. "They were beaten to death and dumped in a field. I'm thrilled you're home, I am. But this can't wait. You understand don't you?"

She was pulling on her clothes and hunting for a rubber band for her hair. "Brenda…. Brenda stop for a minute and look at me." This wasn't going the way he wanted.

It was the odd tone in his voice that got her attention. She stopped and sat on the edge of the bed next to him."I'm listening."

"Because of the work I did on this Abu Dhabi case, I've been offered a new position."

"Honey that's wonderful. Congratulations we'll celebrate tonight with a real nice dinner. " She hopped up and started reapplying her make-up.

"Brenda…. Brenda stop….. the position is in DC… and I've accepted."

"What?" She turned from the mirror staring, "But why, we live here. We work here. I know how to pronounce Sepulveda. How can you take a job on the other side of the country and not talk to me, I'm your wife?" Her world was crumbling under feet. Fritz continued talking as she turned back the mirror and finished her makeup and pulled her hair into a wet ponytail. Slapping a couple band-aids over the worst of the scraps she kept moving to afraid what would happen if she stopped. She was being bombarded with emotions. "I have to go. We can talk when I get home." Stepping into her shoes she left the room.

Fritz remained in the bedroom. Jet lag was hitting hard. He hadn't slept since getting the call from Flynn. He'd screwed this up big time. But his sleep deprived brain couldn't see how it could have gone differently.


	8. Chapter 8

"Chief, you don't have to go to the morgue. We can handle this. No one is going to think anything's wrong. Agent Howard getting home after being gone what, nearly three months is a pretty darn good reason to take the rest of the day off."

"Just drive David…Please." Brenda stared out the window, feeling detached from everything happening around her. Her phone started ringing but she ignored it.

"Chief is that your phone?"

"Yes."

"Well aren't you going to answer it?"

"No." Brenda recognized the ring, it was Andrew. At the moment that was one problem too many. She recognized she was stretched to the limit and if she attempted to add one more problem she wasn't going to snap she was going to shatter.

/

Dr. Morales was sitting in the corridor when they arrived. His eyes were red and he made no attempt to hide the fact he had been crying. "Chief Johnson, Detective Sergeant Gabriel, if you don't mind I'm going to give you my report from here. Please…. Have a seat." He handed her a file.

"Y'all are done all ready? That was fast." Brenda said as she took the file.

"No mystery as to cause of death Chief Johnson. Both victims had their sculls crushed."

"Were you able to determine a weapon?"

He closed his eyes and nodded. "You are looking for either a very disturbed youth or a small woman. Foot print is very clear."

"You mean someone….?" Gabriel couldn't finish the question.

"Stomped on the back of their heads? Yes that is what I'm saying. Both victims are female. Victim one between six and seven months and victim two appears to be approximately twenty six months old. Sisters, I believe. Hispanic. It's all in the report. I know you always feel you have to see the body, Chief Johnson, but I'm telling you, just this once, don't. The photos alone are enough to give you nightmares."

"Just this once I'll follow your advice. Thank yew doctor." Brenda gave his arm a gentle squeeze. "Thank yew very much."

Gabriel was driving back to the station when her phone began ringing again. "Are you ever going to answer that?"

"Later." As they moved slowly through the heavy down town traffic, Brenda replayed what Fritz had said again and again_. Kissing you is like kissing a bottle of wine. Do you ever once think of how difficult you make it for me to stay sober? Kissing you is like kissing a bottle of wine, kissing you is like kissing a bottle of wine….. _ It was a loop that wouldn't stop.

"Chief you all right? You sure you don't want to go home. I can take the report in."

"No I'm fine. Just thinking."

/

By midnight they had the case wrapped up. It was all too horribly simple. Sanchez and Tao had a confession before ever getting back to the squad. "These two chicks, Gina and Lupe were fighting over some punk ass gang banger named Ricky. He's screwing around with both of them and Gina wants to have him all to herself."

Tao adds, "But Ricky won't dump Lupe because they have two kids."

"Yeah so this crazy ass bitch Gina freaks out and kills the kids. Can you believe it chief? "

"And it looks like we got to her just in time. Ricky was pulling up with a car full of his fellow gang members to deal with her. Not sure if it wouldn't have been better if we were a little less efficient on this one Chief. Talk about your fifty one- fifty." Flynn added.

"Well Lt as we have all learned, allowing some of our more illustrious members of the community to deal with problems as they see fit is not always the best course of action. Good work y'all. Now go on home. I'll see y'all in the morning."

Brenda stalled in her office as long as she could. She had to go home sooner or later and she was ready to drop she was so tired. She came out of her office to find Flynn waiting for her. "I'll walk you down to your car."

She nodded and walked to the elevators. Letting out a heavy sigh she said, "I appreciate that y'all found her and were able to close all this up so….. I… wouldn't have to talk to her Lt."

"Sure chief I for one am glad this is closed. She was one sick bitch." He wanted to talked to her about other things, but he knew he had no right.

Flynn was only able to hold his peace until they were in the elevator. "I hear Agent Howard is home. How did he take the news?"

Brenda stared at the floor. "What news?" lost in thought she really wasn't paying attention to the question.

"What news? The baby, that's what news. So you haven't told him yet? Bren what are you waiting for?"

Blinking rapidly to hold back her tears she answered, "On the way to the morgue to look at dead babies didn't feel like the right time." _Kissing you is like kissing a bottle of wine. _

The doors slid open and they stepped out passing several officers. Flynn waited until they were outside before speaking. "Please don't cry. I didn't mean to yell. Really. It's just …. This case. Those little kids. I can't help thinking of my kids. And … how I'd feel…. Or… what I'd do if anything ever happened to them." Flynn fought the impulse to put his arm around her as they walked to their cars.

"It's alright Andy I'm not going to cry. And even if I did it wouldn't be because of you. Like you said… this case….." She let her words trail away no need to finish. Brenda was glad Flynn was still there when she was ready to leave. It felt good having him near. That thought almost made her smile, feeling good to have Lt Andy Flynn close.

He held her door as she got in, "See you tomorrow?"

Brenda didn't answer at once. "I'm not sure."

Nodding Flynn closed her door and walked away.

/

Brenda took her time driving home, still hurting badly over Fritz's comments. She walked into the house to find boxes scattered around the living room. He'd spent the day packing. He was going. Whether it was with or without her was up to Brenda, he had made that clear.

Brenda walked into the dining room and dropped her black bag on the table next to Fritz's brief case. It was open and sitting on top of the papers was his airline ticket. His flight was leaving at midnight, she looked at the clock; it was after midnight, tonight.

Sticking out from under his passport and other personal legal papers was a file folder containing documents with her name on them. She reached for them as she sank into the chair. There was no need to read them really, she knew without looking what they said. After his silence over the last few months, taking a job without ever mentioning it to her, the awful things he had said to her this morning, the divorce papers were not a surprise. Brenda had done a lot of thinking since Fritz left. If she were honest she'd have to say Fritz was justified about his feelings and his comments were accurate. He had cut throw the bullshit and scored a direct hit.

He had told her once that he worried her job was more important he was. She had told him it wasn't, but her actions made her words hollow. She ignored the harm she had caused him with the FBI, expected him to swallow his pride and be happy with it. And wash all her feelings away with a glass or more often than not a bottle of Merlo. If he hadn't been assigned the Abu Dhabi case they may have gone on as they had been for months possibly years.

But he had gone to Abu Dhabi and the time away had allowed Fritz an uncluttered view of where he stood with her.

She scanned the papers. He asked for nothing but what he came in with… and Joel. Joel, sweet little Joel. It was fair, Joel was his cat. He had picked him up at a rescue shelter as a gift to her, to help her deal with the loss of Kitty. And how did she repay him for thinking of her? She hadn't wanted sweet little Joel and told Fritz to take him back. The words blurred.

She reached into her bag and pulled out a handkerchief, a plain white square of cloth, and wiped her eyes. It didn't carry his scent anymore, not since she had laundered it. Brenda had fully intended to return it to Flynn but hadn't found the right moment….. _Liar!_ She thought. _I don't want to give it back._

Brenda flipped though the papers, placing her initials next to Fritz's and signed the last page as he had done. Setting down her pen she waited, for the pain, the regret, the sorrow that comes with a love dying, a future lost, with failure.

Brenda walked into the kitchen and opened a cupboard. She removed the prescription bottles she tucked away after Flynn and Sanchez had left and dropped them into her black bag. The note she left on top of the signed papers was short and simple. Dear Fritz, I'm sorry. Brenda.

Holding Joel, she picked up her keys and placed her bag on her shoulder. At the door she gave him a hug and scratched under his chin the way he liked, them put his down and closed the door softly behind her.

The sound of the front door opening had awakened Fritz. He lay in bed waiting for Brenda to come in and say …..something. But she didn't. He lay there listening to her cry. He heard the front door close and knew it was over. She wasn't going to fight with him; she wasn't going to fight for him. He walked into the dining room where the divorce papers sat in the middle of the table, signed, along with her five word note.


	9. Chapter 9

Fritz stood by the table, his gaze fixed on the note she had left. He lightly ran his finger over her name. It can't end like this; he was already filled with regret. He had planned what he was going to say and played the conversation over again and again the last few weeks. Nothing had worked the way he intended. He couldn't let the last words he spoke to her be such cruel ones. He had opened his mouth and the words just poured out. Suddenly nothing mattered more than finding her. Grabbing his keys he realized he had no idea where the hell she could possibly have gone.

Rushing out the door, Fritz grabbed at the railing to stop himself from falling down the steps. Brenda was sitting on the top step, hugging her knees to her chest. "Brenda?"

"I didn't know where to go." She couldn't tell him she had nowhere to go because she had no friends. Years of comments from Fritz and her parents about her work habits were coming back like a bad dream. The realization was a huge internal 'I told you so'. She was also feeling off balance for thinking the only place she wanted to go was Andy Flynn's.

Sitting down beside her he spoke softly, "You don't have to go anywhere. Come back in the house, please. We don't have to talk if you don't want to, just don't leave Brenda, don't leave."

She let out a shuttering breath and stood slowly. Brenda paused, looking hesitant. She was so drained thinking was difficult.

He stood waiting for her to move first. When she turned to walk back into the house Fritz felt a wave of relief wash over him. This didn't change the fact that they were going to lead separate lives on opposite coasts but he would always love her. And knew in her way she would always love him.

/

Commander Taylor walked into the murder room to inform the squad, "Chief Johnson is taking a few personal days and Lt Provenza will be in charge."

Flynn focused on the paperwork before him. His reaction at hearing she was taking _personal_ time was wrong and he knew it. Not his wife, not his baby. Baby, the word echoed in his head. Baby, baby, baby. Jeez he had yelled at her for not telling Howard. _Maybe I shouldn't have turned down Provenza's invitation last week. _He immediately dismissed the thought.

Commander Taylor waited until all eyes were on him before turning to leave. "Thank you commander." Gabriel called as Taylor left the room.

/

Two days later the squad was dispatched to a jewelry store robbery. "Anybody know why we're here? This looks like a simple stickup gone wrong." Flynn asked as he stood over the dead body of the would-be thief. "Or right." He added with a shrug.

"Because LAPD wants to rule out any possibility this could be a hate crime." Commander Taylor said. His appearance at the crime scene had become a familiar addition. He had proven himself to be an asset when dealing with the media. When he was sure he had everyone attention he continued. "The owners are Arab . That's them over there." He pointed to two well dressed middle aged men standing with a uniformed officer.

"And the kid?" Flynn asked looking at a young boy sitting on the curb near the owners.

"Robert Hurley age twelve, a customer, was in the store when our dead prep and friends entered. According to the owners the boy was exiting when three hooded men all armed, entered."

"So he saw everything go down?" Provenza asked.

"More than that. One of the preps used the kid as a shield after the owner shot our dead guy. Put a gun to the boys head and threatened to kill him if they didn't unlock the door and let them out. Owner unlocked the door, they threw the boy to the ground and ran, had a car waiting in the alley. None of the blood is his thank god. So far all the officer has gotten out of the boy is his name."

"I don't think you have that much. I mean does he look like a Hurley to you? And where are his parents?" Flynn asked.

"Owner said he came in alone." Taylor answered. Flynn just shook his head and started working the scene. What the hell was happening he wondered_? Another crime with kids involved._ _Thank God Bren isn't here for this shit._

"I'll see if he will talk to me when I'm done here Lt." Sanchez said to Provenza. The team turned their focus back to the store.

Robert sat listening to the conversation of the store owners. More police arrived. These didn't wear uniforms. All he wanted to do was go home but there was a police officer standing too close and so far he couldn't see how he could sneak away. His abuela is going to be very upset and that was making him sad. But his tía is going to be angry, very angry. He had to get home.

Looking down at his blood splattered shirt made his stomach hurt. He felt like crying, but only babies cry not men and Robert was a man. He took several deep breaths and stared at the pothole in front of him. The men were talking again so Robert concentrated on them blocking out everything else.

One of the detectives came out to get the store owners. Robert heard him tell the men they were needed inside. As they walked past him he prayed no one would tell him he had to go back inside. Being a man was hard.

People gathered along the side walk to see what was happening. As they pressed closer and craned their necks to get a better look several had pushed past the yellow police tape. A white van drove up and Robert watched as the officer close to him walked over to lift the yellow tape and let the van in.

Robert glanced around to see if anyone was watching him. He got up slowly, keeping his head down and walked away. Once through the crowd Robert unbuttoned his bloody shirt, he couldn't get if off fast enough. He worried about what his abuela would say, he worried about what his tía would do and he worried about getting on the bus to get home.

His heart was pounding so hard his chest hurt and he was crying. He ducked into an ally so no one could see him. Dragging the back of his hand over his face he wiped away his tears but they just kept coming, like a baby. Robert rubbed his t-shirt over his face to dry it as he prayed to St. Adrian for help.

/

Detective Sanchez walked around the coroners van looking for the boy. "Hey, officer, where's the kid?"

The officer looked puzzled, "What kid?"

"The one you were told to watch. The one who witnessed the hold up and shooting, that kid!"

"I wasn't the one watching him that was Duncan." He pointed across the street to another officer.

"Duncan!" Sanchez yelled across the street. He scanned the crowd looking for the boy.

"What do you need Detective?" Duncan asked as he approached.

"Where is the boy you were told to look after?" Sanchez asked.

Officer Duncan's gaze slanted to the last spot he had seen the boy. "Uh, he was sitting right here." Duncan started looking around.

"Well he isn't sitting here now. Where is he?"

"I…. I….don't know. The crowd started getting in the way when the coroners van arrived and I stepped away just for a minute to push them back… "

Gabriel walked over to see what had Julio so worked up. "Problem?"

"Yah, he lost the boy."

"How did he do that?"

"I don't know Gabriel, why don't you ask him."

Detective Sergeant Gabriel did just that, "How the hell did you lose the kid?"

"I…I…" Duncan stuttered.

"You were told to watch over him. That was your only job, to watch over him. Did you see what it looks like in there? Any idea how scared he must be? Find him. A blood soaked little boy shouldn't be too hard to find, pendejo. " Sanchez growled.

Sanchez is a master at physically intimidating a person without ever touching them. And he was using that menacing gift on Officer Duncan by crowding his personal space. Sanchez's displeasure was palpable. Duncan was trying hard to hold his ground and not cower in front of a fellow officer but failed when he took a step back, trying to put distance between them. Sanchez followed. "Find him."

Duncan swallowed hard "Yes sir….. Detective.. sir."

While the officers searched for the boy Sanchez and Gabriel started questioning the other businesses in the area. An hour later the body had been removed, information gathered and they were ready to leave the scene. "So Duncan where is the boy?"

"I couldn't find him Detective."


	10. Chapter 10

Three days had passed since Fritz had left and Brenda was thoroughly sick of herself and her nearly sterile home. Her only outing had been to her doctor where all that Flynn and Sanchez had told her was confirmed.

She dropped in an exhausted heap onto the sofa. Her eyes were puffy and red from a combination of tears and disinfectant fumes. She had resisted the urge, just barley, to call the squad to find out what case they were working and was more than a little hurt that none of her team had called her, if for no other reason than to simply keep her informed.

The movers Fritz had hired had been there the day before to pack and ship the last of his belongings. So it was done, they were done …for now.

"_Oh my goodness, how am I_ _going to tell mama and daddy?"_ Brenda had a moment of panic until she remembered her brother Jimmy had escorted their parents on a trip to Europe so Clay could revisit the places he had served and reminisce about the good old days. Brenda and her three brothers had pooled their money to pay for it and she was thrilled Jimmy volunteered to go with them. _Money well spent_ she thought. It was only temporary, but Brenda was grateful all the same.

Not yet prepared to think about the future, she ignored it. Though ignoring things had been much simpler when she had a glass of Merlo.

Her mind drifted. And as it had not for the first time it drifted to Flynn. 'Why Flynn' was the question she had been asking for some time. Flynn! Flynn? Of all the men she had worked with over the years few had exasperated her as often or as thoroughly as Andy Flynn.

With a sad sigh she had to admit that few had made her laugh as often as he did. Even when she was ready to shoot the man out of angry frustration she would find herself laughing. She even found herself laughing when it was wholly inappropriate. It was a terrible flaw in her character that.

After their rough beginning it still came as a surprise to find none were as loyal to her as Andy Flynn.

Brenda had slowly come to see that besides their shameful ability to find humor in all the wrong places, they also shared a kind of tunnel vision on closing cases. And now she could add that both had sacrificed their marriages for the job. She had been trained by the CIA to get a confession, how had rarely been a concern. More than once this had been an issue for the LAPD. It had never been an issue for Andy Flynn. He had her back.

He had her back…..the thought eased through her mind and seeped into her blood. He had her back. She could trust him to be there. Her tight muscles relaxed and she felt reassuring warmth settle around her. Flynn…..

/

"Julio where are you on finding this Robert Hurley?" Provenza asked as Sanchez walked into the murder room.

Sanchez tossed the photo of the boy on his desk; he removed his coat and draped it over his chair. "No where. In the last three days I swear I have looked at school photos of every kid in Los Angeles and nothing. No hits on the name and none of the teachers or school staff I've talked to recognize him." He dropped into his chair and glared at the picture.

"Told Taylor he didn't look like a Hurley." Flynn said to Provenza. "Does this case seem hinky to anyone else?" He walked to the murder board. "I mean Devon Reese was no choir boy, has a list of priors as long as your arm. But look at this," Flynn held up his arrest record, "Nothing here says armed robbery. It's all drugs, nothing to do with guns."

Gabriel added, "And I haven't seen anything that indicates this could be a hate crime. I agree with the Lt, there is something off here but it isn't a hate crime."

Officer Duncan entered the murder room looking for Detective Sanchez. He swallowed hard and walked to his desk. "Excuse me Detective Sanchez."

Julio looked at the officer standing nervously before him saying simply, "What?"

Duncan held up an evidence bag saying, "I don't know if this is of any value but thought you should have it." Sanchez raised a brow and waited for the officer to explain. "We got a call from a business on Flower. It was regarding a possible dead body in a dumpster. As soon as I saw this I knew there was no body."

"And how did you know that?"

"It's the shirt the boy, Robert Hurley, was wearing. The dumpster is in an ally three blocks from the jewelry store. He must have taken it off and tossed it."

Sanchez took out a form and began filling out paper work. "Thanks Duncan. You did the right thing."

Duncan handed over the bag and information on the location.

Putting on gloves Tao examined the shirt. "I think this case just took another strange turn." All eyes turned to him. "This shirt was custom made in Bahrain."

"Bahrain?" Flynn walked over to look at the shirt. "As in the Middle East, Bahrain? Who is this kid? He's twelve, alone in down town Los Angeles, has the money to buy a solid gold necklace and calmly walks away from a shooting where he was close to being killed." Looking down at the shirt he said, "Now we know why there wasn't a hysterical mother here raising hell."

Provenza swiveled his chair around to look over the murder board. "I'll let commander Taylor know…"

"What is it you are going to be letting me know detective?" Taylor asked as he walked into the room.

Provenza swiveled around to face Taylor. "We haven't turned up anything that points to a hate crime on this jewelry store heist. The gun was licensed. From what we could see on the security tape shooting Reese saved our mysterious Mr. Hurley's life." He added with a shrug, "So far the shooting looks good. But we still have a hell of a lot of unanswered questions."

Taylor nodded. "I'll pass that along." He started out of the room but stopped and added over his shoulder, "Chief Johnson will be back tomorrow." Then as if it was an afterthought he said "Good work everybody, thank you." That last comment raised a few eye brows.

/

Flynn moved to his desk and sat down. Gazing at the papers on his desk he let his visions blur. The information, passed on so casually, had the force of a hammer blow on his heart. He shook his head in an attempt to dislodge the thoughts running around in his mind. He had to find a way to stop them. Flynn still couldn't understand why after all these years' thoughts of her were suddenly popping up in nearly everything he did. After several minutes without answers he was relieved to hear his cell phone ring.

"Lt. Andrew Flynn, Major Crime. How can I help you?"

The voice on the other end brought an immediate smile to his face. "Andrew is it now?"

"Sean." And just as quickly Andy felt his stomach knot. Something was seriously wrong for Sean to call him now.

"Aye cousin. Sorry to call you at work but I need to let you know…"

"Don't worry about that just tell me who, Sean, who's hurt?"

"Not hurt Andy. Aunt Mary passed. We laid her in the ground today. I'm sorry I didn't call sooner. I know you would have made plans to come, but…"

He felt the room tilt, his aunt had died and didn't want him there. He rubbed his palm over his heart as if he could rub away the pain. "But what Sean? She was still mad that I never moved back to New York, wasn't she? I can't believe she didn't want me at her funeral. God Sean I never would have believed she hated me this much." The last statement got the attention of the rest of the squad.

"Oh boyo, she let that go a long time ago. She didn't want any fuss from any of us. The priest knew what her plans were, certainly none of the rest of the family did. You know how stubborn she could be."

"Yeah I know. Why didn't anyone call to tell me she was ill?" His voice nearly a whisper when he asked, "I would have been there. You know I would have been there don't you?" he blinked rapidly to hold back the tears.

"I do Andy. It all happened so fast. One day she was fine and them in a blink her heart just seemed to fail over night. It's what she wanted Andy. She didn't do this to hurt you. I truly believe she thought she was going to be fine. You have to know how much she loved you Andy."

He didn't respond to his cousin's last statement, he couldn't. "Did you at least hold a wake?"

"Aye, a small one."

He nodded and sat silent staring at his desk. "Andy, you there?"

Letting out a heavy sigh he said, "Yeah Sean I'm still here."

"I'm sorry I had to tell you over the phone Andy."

"Don't be Sean. I appreciate you telling me no matter how you had to do it. Give my love to the family, will you?"

"You know I will. They send their love cousin. You be safe out there. And I'll talk to you soon."

"You do the same Sean. These streets aren't any meaner than yours."

Andy dropped his phone on his desk and dragged his hand over his face. Mary was gone. He felt like shouting at someone, anyone, or hitting something. He wasn't ready to lose her. She had been there for him after his mother died. She had been his mother from the age of ten and he had been a handful no doubt about it. It's a miracle he, his brother and cousins weren't all behind bars. And an even bigger miracle that all but one grew up to be cops. Thanks in no small measure to Aunt Mary.

He didn't want to believe it. He picked up his phone and scrolled through the numbers. He wanted to dial her number and have her pick up on the other end. He desperately wanted to hear her voice, to tell her how much he loved her, to thank her for all she had sacrificed for him and she had done.

Flynn was unaware the squad was watching him, waiting for him to look up and tell them what had happened. Provenza broke the silence, getting up from his desk and walking over to Flynn's. "You all right?"

"Yeah." Flynn didn't look up. "That was my cousin Sean. My Aunt died."

"Mary?" Flynn nodded. "Sorry to hear that Andy. I know how important she was to you." He said as he squeezed Flynn shoulder. "You need any help making arrangements?"

"No, but thanks. I won't be going to New York. The funeral was earlier today."

Flynn wasn't sure how he got through the rest of the shift. It was all a bit hazy. All he could think was how badly he wanted to see Bren. He took Provenza up on his suggestion and logged out an hour early and headed to church to light a candle for Mary and then find an AA meeting.

/

An officer escorted a woman into the murder room. All but Sanchez were already logged out for the night. The officer spoke to her nodding towards Julio.

"Excuse me, Detective Sanchez?"

Julio stood, "Yes ma'am. What can I do for you?"

"I understand you are looking for a young man named Robert Hurley."


	11. Chapter 11

**To All those kind enough to read my story, SORRY. Sorry for chapter 11. I have discovered trying to write while rehabbing a house is not conducive to either clear thinking or creativity on ANY level…. Even the most remedial! So the old 11 is gone. Flynn and Brenda are relived. **

Andy Flynn sat in his car with the engine running and no idea where to go. He felt as if his insides had been carved out with claw end of a hammer. Mary was gone. Andy barley remembered his mother, he was so young when she died. He did remember those first few weeks when he and his sister and brother would huddle together in his bed at night worrying they were going to die, just like mom. As far as they knew she had never been sick. Then their father had come one morning to say mom was dead, just like that. And then Aunt Mary had arrived. She came to stay for a few weeks to help out and never left. She became a permanent member of their immediate family and more importantly to Andy, his life. She was his anchor.

Andy was startled back to the present when an officer knocked on the window of his cruiser. "Everything okay Lt?"

"Yeah, just finishing up a phone call." Pulling his phone from his waist he added, "Not hands free."

The uniformed officer laughed, "That would be an embarrassing ticket. For me to write and you to explain." He waved and walked away.

Flipping open the phone he scrolled down to Mary's number. He punched the button and waited, knowing she wasn't there to answer. She would never be there again. Pressing the phone to his ear he listened to the familiar recording of her answering machine. When the machine beeped he hung up put the car in gear and drove home.

By eight Andy knew this was going to be one of the worst nights of his life. He had made it home, driving on auto pilot. He got no further than his living room couch, where he collapsed as his grief overwhelmed him.

Losing Mary was awful, but knowing she didn't want Sean to call him while she was in the hospital or have him at the funeral no matter how small it was, was tearing him apart. He would have dropped everything for her. He loved her more than anyone in his life.

He wanted the pain to stop. He wanted the memories to stop. He wanted everything to stop. Please God make it all stop.

He had fought hard to get sober and stay sober, for his kids, himself, but mostly for Mary. Her good opinion was a powerful factor in his success. Now he questioned if he ever really had it.

_Why didn't you want me there Mary, why? What the hell did I do to make you hate me?_

His home phone was ringing again. He managed to get up and numbly walked through the house unplugging them. Soon the cell started ringing and he turned it off. He would not be reporting to any crime scenes tonight. And he had no one in life_….. he had no one, he had no one…. _

His grief was like a suffocating black hole. He felt himself sinking and he welcomed it.

_/_

Provenza tossed the TV remote down and picked up his phone again. He had been trying Flynn for three hours getting no response. He thought Flynn might answer if he saw the caller ID wasn't Provenza but from the chief. If he didn't answer his phone to someone in the next hour, he was personally going to be making a welfare check on Flynn. And once he was sure Andy was fine he was going to KICK FLYNN's ASS!

"Yes Lt Provenza. What can I do for you?"

"Sorry to bother you chief, I know you're still officially off duty but….. it's Flynn."

Brenda's stomach clenched, "Oh God, what happened, how bad is it, where is he? Why didn't anyone call me...?" She had a death grip on her phone.

"As far as I know he's fine.."

"What? What do you mean as far as you know?"

"I haven't been able to get him on the phone since he left work today. I've tried his cell and home, no answer."

She went limp on the couch, relaxed her grip on the phone and visualized a death grip on Provenza's throat. "And this is a problem because? Let me warn you if this has anything to do with stewardesses or skybox tickets or … "

"Chief, chief," he said cutting off her rant, "His cousin called to tell him his aunt Mary died. She meant the world to him chief." He paused, and then added, "He didn't take it well. I'm beginning to worry."

Brenda was tense again, knowing in Flynn's eyes Mary hung the moon." Why do you say that?"

"The family already held the funeral and no one told Andy. Sean told him Mary didn't want him there. I thought he might answer the phone if he sees it's you calling and not me."

She sighed heavily, "Thank yew for calling me Lt. He'll talk to me I can assure you. Don't worry. I'll see y'all tomorrow."

"Good night chief."

"Good night Lt."

/

Brenda tore off her pajamas and pulled on a pair of jeans that were getting too snug. She wasn't going to waste time looking for a pair that would button; instead she pulled on her over sized LAPD t-shirt. Brenda parked her car in the drive behind his. _Well at least I don't have to chase all over town to find him._

On the porch she removed his keys from the lock and pushed open the door he hadn't bothered to close. "Andy, it's me Brenda." She called as she walked in. Letting out her breath she relaxed at the sight of him on the couch. His sorrow was so deep she could feel it filling the room. He was sitting hunched over with his head in his hands, crying. He looked so terribly alone.

Brenda closed the door and started towards him. Sitting front of him on the table was a bottle of whiskey next to his service weapon. Her only thought was _NO!_ Whatever he planned…. NO. All concern over the pain of his loss went right out the door she had just walked through. It was replaced with white hot anger. _Damn you!_

It took several deep breaths before Brenda dared open her mouth. With her hormones making a mess of her own emotions anger felt like a safer place for Brenda. But Andy was worth it. He had been there for her so much in the last few months. She could do this.

"Andy… Andy it's me Brenda." She said again. Before sitting next to him she took the gun, removed the clip and checked the chamber. A shell ejected and the sound of it hitting the floor was chilling.

Swallowing hard Brenda closed her eyes and silently thanked Provenza for calling her. She dropped the gun, clip and bullet into her black bag. She was about to set it down next to the couch but changed her mind and set it on the dining room table instead.

Returning to Andy she sat next to him and wrapped her arms around him and gently pulled him to her. She was grateful he didn't resist her actions. His arms were around her waist his head in her lap he said in a harsh whisper, "She didn't want me…..God Bren, she didn't want me there."

Brenda stroked her finger through his hair, her own tears running down her face. She could smell the alcohol. She had to push past her anger if she was going to help her friend. _ Andy what were you planning to do? _The bottle sat open on the table. She tried to gage how much was gone and concluded he'd had one good swallow at the most. _Oh lord this is a day for saying thanks…. Again._

"Andy, you were the love of her life."

He was shaking his head and Brenda knew Andy Flynn was nothing if not bullheaded. And at this moment he wasn't in a place that he would ever believe her. So she decided she would just have to wait until he was. She could be just as bullheaded. Waiting wasn't her thing. But she would do it for Andy, as long as it took.

He finally gave up at midnight. By now he was sitting back with Brenda held close to his chest. The few times he spoke were to recount all the awful things he had done in his life, pointing out why Mary was justified in rejecting him. When he began to wind down, Brenda countered each of his tails with Mary's loving versions of the same incident.

He pushed back on the couch, frowning, unwilling or unable to believe her. "You can't know that." He finally managed to say.

Brenda put her hand to his cheek, "I do know that. Didn't you ever wonder why I felt I could talk to you? Don't you remember that Mary and I had lunch together every time she came to visit? What do you think we talked about? Why is it so hard to accept that she loved you with all her heart?"

Agitated, Andy got up and started moving around the room. He couldn't move fast enough to get away from his feelings. Dragging his fingers through his hair he listed his faults and failures, "Because I am a total fuck up! I couldn't keep either of my marriages together. My kids hardly know me. Christ, look what I tried to do to you. Bren I tried to destroy your career. I'm always looking for short cuts, I always have. Why do you think I thought you were such a pain in the ass? It drove Mary crazy. You'd think knowing how it hurt her I would stop, but I didn't. Doing things the right way was too hard. And I liked doing things easy."

Brenda thought of the Andy's gun and her tenuous grip on her temper proved futile. Jumping to her feet, "Is that why there was a round in the chamber of your gun? Were you going to make things easy by blowing your brains out? No wait first you had to get drunk, make it easy to put a gun in your mouth and pull the trigger. Why don't I get your gun and you can show me just how you planned to do it." She pulled his weapon from her bad and slammed the clip in and expertly chambered a round. "We both know how these things can go wrong. Not all head shots are kills."

Now it was Andy's turn to look horrified. "That's bullshit! Put the fucking gun down Brenda. Now! Stop it, you're talking crazy."

She snorted. "Me? You think I'm talking crazy? Who had the gun with a chambered round? It's too hard to deal with the pain?" She was pacing around the room, Andy gun still clutched in her hand. The scene she walked in on clicking into place. "You _were_ going to make it easy." She accused. "You said it, you like things easy. Eat a gun and leave it to me to clean up the mess? Leave it to me to explain to your children, to your friends?" By now Brenda was yelling while tears coursed down her face. "And who is going to explain it to me? Who is going to ever make me understand why someone I l…"

"Oh God Bren no!" Holding her tightly, he took the gun from her hand and said over and over, "Stop it, I'd never do that. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'd never do that. Please stop crying." Standing in his living room he rocked her gently. "I could never do that Bren. I took a drink and got so angry because I fucked up, again. Fourteen years of sobriety gone. I was going to shoot the bottle. Please you have to believe me. Did you hear me; I was going to shoot the God Damn Bottle."

Through hiccups she asked, "what….stopped….you?'

He rested his cheek on her head and sighed. She could hear the grin in his voice, "Paperwork." They stood for several minutes before Andy added, "Bren, don't quit your day job. You suck at crisis counseling."


	12. Chapter 12

Brenda mumbled into Andy's chest, "I need tissues." Then sniffed loudly.

He steered her to the couch, "Sit down and I'll get you some."

Andy walked to the bathroom, turning in circles he searched in vain. With a shake of his head he grabbed the extra roll of toilet paper off the tank, _works for me._

"Here you go Bren. Sorry, um, I don't have anything else." Andy handed her the toilet paper as he sat down next to her. Though his emotions were still raw, he felt more in control since getting the call about Mary. Out of habit he checked his watch and was shocked at the time.

"Bren, what did you tell Howard?" What little fog still lingering in his mind cleared in a blink. He looked at Brenda, taking in her appearance for the first time. Her hair was pulled up in a messy bun; she had on jeans, bright pink fuzzy slippers and an LAPD t-shirt that was several sizes too big for her. "I mean he can't think you were called into work and you went dressed like this. Nothing is that urgent… um…I mean…" He stopped talking; saying more would only sound worse.

She blew her nose and waded up the paper. Not looking at him she glanced around the room for a waste basket.

"Bren, what did you tell him?"

With a sigh she answered, "Nothing. I didn't tell him anything."

Looking at his watch again he frowned, "Is he on a case? Howard isn't usually the one out all night. You left him a note than?"

Brenda made a production of rolling off more paper and blowing her nose. After all these years Flynn was very familiar with Brenda's dodges. "Bren, talk to me. Please? Why didn't you tell him you were coming over here?"

Biting her lip she whispered, "He's gone."

"What?"

"He's gone."

Too many conflicting thoughts were running through Andy's mind to risk opening his mouth and saying the wrong thing. So he sat next to her and waited. But damn if she wasn't the most exasperating female he'd ever met. He was on the verge of demanding she start talking when she said. "You're not the only fuck-up in the room Andy."

"What is that supposed to mean? Bren where is he? I thought the assignment was over, he was home."

She kept her head down staring at the growing wade of moist paper in her hands. "It is, he was. But," she took a shuttering breath, "It all went so well that he was offered a new position and he took it."

He knew it was none of his business but he pushed anyway. Boundaries were never something Andy Flynn cared about. "Where?"

"DC."

He exploded off the couch, "That bastard! That fucking bastard! What the hell kind of man takes a job and leaves his pregnant wife behind? When is he coming back? Are you supposed to go through all this alone?" It never occurred to him that she would be moving to DC.

Brenda curled up hugging her knees to the chest. Having to say out loud she was a failure was so much harder than she imagined. She still wasn't sure at what point she knew it wasn't working. Long before he had taken the Abu Dhabi assignment. She had just been so wrapped up in her career that she hadn't noticed it all slid away. Or was she lying to herself…. again. She had gotten to be an expert at that.

Andy turned back to Brenda waiting for an answer. The sight of her looking so small and defeated tore at his heart.

He scooped her into his arms before sitting back down. "I'm sorry Bren. God all I'm doing tonight is making you cry. Please don't sweetheart. It's none of my business I'm sorry I asked. I have no right to push you like that."

Brenda had her head resting on Andy's chest. She closed her eyes and listened to his steady heart beat and she knew when it had all started unraveling. She ran her hand over the smooth cotton dress shirt, her palm resting over his heart. Concentrating on the strong beat she relaxed. She let her hand move down to where a long jagged scar crossed the left side on his stomach.

"I thought I was going to loose you that night." Her voice was faint as if coming from a great distance. Her personal world had shifted that night and she had buried it successfully till now. "I couldn't believe it when I got the call. I walked into the triage room, you were…. still unconscious and so pale. God, there was so much blood; it was pooled on the floor at the doctors feet. I've been to hundreds of bloody crime scenes, but this time it was different." Closing her eyes she was back at the hospital. She could hear the monitor's constant beeping; grateful for the sound telling her he was still alive. She remembered the smells, blood and antiseptic, but mostly the blood. And she remembered his horrible stillness.

Her voice was barely above a whisper. "This time the blood was different…I know that sounds silly, but it was and there was so much of it. The doctors were telling me I couldn't be there, I wasn't family." Brenda remembered being angry at the doctor. How dare he say she wasn't family? "I pulled out my badge and told them I wasn't going anywhere. I said you had critical information I needed so they told me to put on a gown."

Andy tilted his head resting his cheek on the top of her head. His world had been altered dramatically that night too. He ran his hand over her arm trying not to think back to the night he nearly died. He still had nightmares though thankfully not as often. He hadn't told anyone he still refused to walk through a dark parking lot without his gun in his hand. It wasn't something he was in a hurry to deal with, if having his gun in his hand helped him move forward and get through each day so be it.

"I looked at you and knew I couldn't leave you there alone. I was terrified if I left you…. If I left…."

Andy held his breath. He couldn't believe what she was telling him.

She lightly slid her palm over the scar she could feel beneath his shirt. "It took them so long to sew you up. And all that time you were bleeding out in front of me." She let out a heavy sigh. "At first no one thought it was too serious. But you weren't waking up." Taking another shuttering breath she squeezed her eyes tight trying to block out the images from that night. "Then the doctors were telling me it didn't look good. They didn't need to tell me that. I knew by looking at you how bad it was." She had his shirt in her fist, "I remember taking your hand and squeezing it. I wanted to say something, something nice, ya know? But I was so scared all I could do is yelled at y'all. Told you to stop screwing around and open your damn eyes…. this instant. I was giving you orders to wake up." Tears were gathering in her eyes again.

Flynn held her away from him so he could look in her eyes. Stunned he said, "I thought it was a dream or the drugs or something. I told Provenza I heard your voice." What he didn't tell Provenza was how badly he had hoped it was Brenda's voice. How desperately he wanted to believe it.

"I can just imagine what he said to that."

Andy cockeyed grin confirmed she didn't want to know.

He looked into the face of the woman he had silently been in love with for the last several years. She didn't cry pretty like some women. Her eyes were puffy, her nose all red, but she was beautiful to him. "Bren what are you telling me? Please don't make me guess." With his hand on her cheek he brushed away her reaming tears with his thumb.

Brenda looked into his dark brown eyes and felt her worries fade. Mustering her courage she said out loud the words she had been dreading. "Fritz isn't coming back….. when he got home, he had papers with him," she swallowed hard, "divorce papers. I signed them. It's over."

"What? But… you're having a baby." Oh hell, the call, the call he had made to Howard. Shit. "Divorced, you and Howard?" She nodded.

His pulse was racing wildly and Andy didn't want to have to think about it all being far too soon for Brenda to make any more big changes in her life. The list of reasons for sending her home was long and growing by the second. He had spent years in AA helping himself and others take small steps when making life changing decisions. This was no small step. This was a leap off the Empire State Building.

Looking away from his intent gaze, Brenda couldn't think how she could explain in a way he would understand. At the moment she didn't have the words. She only knew it felt so right when she was with him, him and no one else.

They sat looking at each other, neither saying a word. Finally Brenda asked, "Are y'all ever going to kiss me?"

"Is that an order?"

"Do y'all need an order?"

He sifted her in his lap and gently tilted her chin up never taking his eyes off hers. Brenda's heart was pounding wildly, waiting for him to get on with it. Slowly, gently, he eased her back on the couch and followed her down. Brenda thought he was taking his time about it and it was making her crazy.

Flynn watched her eyes dilate and knew she wanted this as much as he did. But he had dreamed of this moment for years, never expecting it to come true. He wouldn't be rushed he wanted to savored it. Brenda wrapped her arm around his neck and as expected she was impatient. Her inpatients made his pulse spike. Leaning down he hovered a breath away. Her eyes drifted shut as she waited. And waited. He was so close she could feel the heat from his skin on her face. Turning his face away at the last moment, he dropped his head on the couch cushion and pressed his cheek to hers.

Brenda left out the breath she had been holding. Her heart pierced, he didn't want her after all.

/

/

**Please let me know what you think. I'd love to hear from you.**


	13. Chapter 13

Brenda squeezed her eyes shut and wished she was anywhere but where she was. Her palms had been pressed to his chest, but now lay limp on her own. _He doesn't want to kiss me. Shit, shit, shit. Oh God how could I be such a fool…. Again. Of course he doesn't want to kiss me I'm his damn boss. _

She wanted to curl into a ball and disappear. Wanted the couch to open up under her and let her fall away from him. Wanted to know how she had let herself be this stupid. Again…

She tried not to move, not to breathe, not to touch him. On the verge of tears she was trying to think of how to get away, to get home, before she made a bigger fool out of herself. Though she wasn't sure that was even possible to humiliate herself more.

_What is wrong with me? Stupid, stupid, stupid…._ The words kept repeating over and over. She had told him how she felt about him. How she feared loosing him. And he didn't want her. The tears she struggled so hard to hold at bay slipped down her cheek.

Alarm bells were going off in Andy's head. He knew this wasn't right, she wasn't ready for this. He had let things get out of hand. Brenda had said everything he had been secretly praying hear and more, so much more. But that didn't change the fact that she was pregnant and her hormones were twisting her emotions and clouding her judgment.

Andy knew there was no future for them. She had made a rash decision to sign the divorce papers, _divorce papers, _and once Howard knew about the baby he would be back. What the hell could Howard have said to her? Did he tell her about the woman he was sleeping with? To the outside world Brenda Leigh Johnson was a hard ass bitch. Hell he had thought the same thing in the beginning. Christ he had been so wrong about her, about so many things. Andy knew with out a doubt he was about to make another bad decision. Only this time he wasn't going to be suffering a hang over, this time he'd be left with a gapping wound to the heart.

He felt her go limp under him. Andy could feel Brenda pull away. He didn't have to look to see her walls going up. If there was one thing Brenda was good at it was hiding her emotions behind some very tough walls. He wasn't so good with walls. And what little he had crumbled when he felt a tear touch his cheek.

Brenda gathered her courage and what was left of her strength and put her hands on his chest to push him away. She was desperate to find her voice.

Andy could feel her hands tremble when she touched him. He ignored the warnings, the reasons and his common sense. He pressed a gentle kiss on her neck. Her pulse leaped. She laid perfectly still, her hands on his chest but no longer pushing him away. He moved slightly and kissed her behind her ear. His kisses were feather light. He was going to take his time; she could realize her bad choice in choosing him and this could all be a painful memory before the sun rose. He moved to her cheek, her temple, her brow.

She didn't know what had changed his mind and didn't care. All that mattered is he was kissing her. Her heart slammed in her chest. He was tender, thorough and…. skilled. What this man could do to a woman with his kisses was a crime. He kissed her in places that sent her mind spinning, places she didn't know existed.

But Brenda wanted him to get to her lips, she wanted to taste him. She wanted to slid her hands over him but couldn't, they were pinned to his chest. She wasn't thinking of running away anymore. Brenda was thinking of what she wanted. What she had wanted for years but didn't realize how much until now. What she wanted from Andy. She wanted his lips on hers. She wanted his hands on her…. everywhere. And she wanted her hands on him…. everywhere… she wanted….. Her mind blanked.

Brenda was discovering Andy Flynn was not a man to be rushed. It didn't matter how she squirmed or moaned or whimpered, he would not be rushed. By the time he had kissed his way to her other ear she didn't have any bones left. She felt completely limp, pliable to what ever he desired.

Andy reveled in making Brenda crazy. No surprise she wasn't patient here either. She was utterly incapable of hiding her feelings or her wishes. Andy wouldn't be surprised to find the front of his shirt shredded; she was pulling on it trying to get his to hurry. Brenda wasn't the only one growing impatient with his slow kisses; he had made himself pretty crazy too.

Rising up on his forearms he looked into her passion filled eyes, and grinned. His voice sounded gruff as he whispered with a slight brogue, "Brace your self Bridget." Before lowering his lips to hers.

Brenda's last coherent thought was _about time_, as Andy proceeded to kiss her senseless.


	14. Chapter 14

Andy Flynn couldn't remember the last time simply kissing a woman made him feel so… so… God he couldn't think. It was like he was sixteen all over again. And just like then, if he didn't slow down it was going to be over before anything started. It took all his concentration to move away from those lips, that mouth… He kissed his way to her cheek, her ear, her throat.

Brenda started to protest until he was placing kisses behind her ear. How did he know where she loved to be kissed? Tilting her head just so, she gave him better access to the perfect spot that sent chills down her spine.

Between kisses Andy whispered, "Bren." Getting a satisfied moan out of her, he moved down her neck. "Bren." Another soft moan. "Bren." He waited… Silence. "Bren?" He could feel her body relax under his. 'Brenda?" Lifting his head he smiled while gazing at his sleeping beauty. Letting out a heavy sigh Andy slowly pushed himself into a sitting position. And just like that he was reliving his frustrated youth.

As he sat Andy studied Brenda for the first time since she had arrived at his house. Over the years there had been many cases that kept them in the office or the field all night. He recognized the dark circles under eyes and knew it was from lack of sleep. In flash his blood cooled as his protective and possessive nature kicked in.

Minutes later Brenda was tucked into bed, his bed. He'd carried her right past his daughter's room straight to his. Reaching under her t-shirt to unbutton her jeans, Andy was reminded again… Brenda was pregnant. Her pants didn't button anymore. He slipped them off and pulled the sheet over her. Minutes later he joined her.

Andy eased into bed careful not to wake her. Closing his eyes he was surprised how quickly sleep pulled him under. He was on the edge of oblivion when Brenda wiggled across the bed and attached herself to his side like a barnacle. He drifted away with a smile on his face.

/

Brenda woke to the sun in her eyes and the smell of coffee. _I have to get those damn black out shades._ She thought as she slipped away for a few more minutes._ Coffee…_ she sniffed. _Coffee? Who's here making coffee?_ Forcing her eyes open she blinked several times as the room snapped into focus. _Where..?_

Brenda sat up, grabbing the sheet; she gave it a violent tug and looked at herself. She dropped the sheet and frowning wondered what she expected to see. Slowly this time she lifted the sheet and pressed it to her face inhaling, Flynn. Brenda flopped back on the pillows wishing for a few more hours of sleep.

Andy walked into the bedroom carrying a glass of orange juice. He paused in the door way not sure what to expect. "Morning."

Brenda opened her eyes and smiled, "Morning."

"Brought you a glass of juice."

"But I smell coffee." She said in a pout.

"Coffees for me, you get juice." He couldn't help grinning. She was beautiful in the morning with her hair in a mess as if they had spent the night having wild sex.

Brenda sat up and accepted the glass. She managed one small sip before shoving the glass back to Andy and leaped from the bed running to the bathroom to be sick.

When she opened the door Andy was waiting a worried expression on his face. "Bren…?"

"I'm fine." She said as she found her jeans and pulled them on. "I'm going to pass on the orange juice though."

"Is there anything I can fix you, toast, eggs, anything?" He asked as he followed out of the bedroom and into the living room as she searched for her slippers.

"Y'all have any mango? I just love that drink Julio's mama made for me. Funny thing it never upset my stomach."

Andy turned and stomped back into the kitchen, "No I don't have any _mango_."

Brenda was reaching for her black bag when she heard Andy mutter, "Sanchez is such a kiss ass."

He was looking at her, studying really, "I think you should take another day."

Shaking her head she said, "No. I have a meeting up stairs that I can't put off. I need to get back to work."

He was about to argue but Brenda walked to him and put her finger to his lips. "I am fine. Y'all don't need to worry."

Kissing her fingers before reaching for her hand he said, "I'll worry if I want and you can't stop me." Wrapping his arms around her he placed a kiss on the top of her head, "See you at work… chief."

"See you at work Lt."

/

Brenda walked through the back door, dropping her bag on the kitchen table before hurrying into her bedroom. She pulled clothes from her closet and threw them on the while simultaneously stripping off her clothes. She was already late but Brenda was not going to pass up a shower.

She rushed naked into the bathroom and was reaching for the shower door when something stopped her. She stood, frozen in place. Slowly turning her head she scanned the room looking for something out of place. She didn't see anything, but something was wrong, someone had been here.

The smell, there was a smell…. Her heart was pounding and she backed out of the room careful not to touch anything.

Knowing the clothes on her bed were safe she quickly pulled them on. She had the bare essential cosmetics in her bag. She tried to trace her steps exactly as she moved through the house to the kitchen. A quick look under the table reassured her she could safety move her bag. She eased the door shut and hurried to her car.

Parking a block away she placed a call. "Andrew. I need y'all to send a team to my house. Someone's been there."

"As we speak. Are you alright?"

"Yes, yes just shaken."

"Brenda …. "

"Don't say it, please Andrew. I'm not running to DC. I want this bastard caught. Y'all know running away just means it will take that much longer to catch him."

She told Andrew where she was parked and hung up. She was placing a call to work when two large black SUV's pulled up. One parked in front and one behind. Her secure phone rang, "Brenda there should be two cars parked next to you." He read off the plate number and the names of then men.

"Thank you very much Andrew."

Thirty minute later one of the men got out of his car and walked to her door. Lowering her window he said, "Shower head, poison gas capsule. Designed to activate after two minutes of contact with water. This is going to take some time ma'am. We'll be following you to headquarters."

She was about to protest out of habit, but stopped herself. It was all suddenly too real. He was reaching for her door, "Better you ride with me." Again Brenda went willingly. She was only marginally curious how these CIA agents were going to handle things since they were prohibited operating with in the US.

As they walked into headquarters she had her answer, they all presented Homeland Security ID's. Two hours later she was finally making her way to her office. The LAPD Terrorism unit was now aware of Hamid. The agents had brought everything the department would need to be brought up to speed.

/

Determined to get back to normal Brenda had Provenza brief her on their current case. "We got lucky. Sanchez got the address of the boy and his correct name. He's making contact with the family now."

"Good, good. Keep me posted. Thank yew Lt." Brenda was passing Flynn's desk on her way to her office when her cell rang. "Deputy Chief Brenda Johnson….. Fritz?" Her hand tightened on the phone. Why would he be calling now?

Flynn waited until he saw her pull the shades to move. He grabbed his coffee cup and left the room. The last thing he wanted was a cup of coffee, his stomach was already rolling. But he had to get out of the murder room. He knew last night was a mistake, he thought he would handle it better. God all he had done was kiss her .

/

An hour later Sanchez escorted a petite redhead into the murder room. Showing her to a chair next to his desk he said, "Please ma'am have a seat." The squad watched as he held out his hand for her. "I'll just be a minute." She nodded.

"Buzz I need you to set up the footage of the jewelry store shooting. Fiona Hurley, Roberts aunt, is here to see it."

Buzz looked at the woman and back at Sanchez, "But Detective it's… graphic."

"I know, Buzz. Set it up please."

"Right away Detective."

Sanchez returned to his desk and sat. "It will just take a minute ma'am. Can I get you anything, water, coffee?"

"No, thank you Detective. I'm fine."

Buzz called from the door. "Detective, it's ready."

Sanchez nodded. Standing he again offered his arm. The squad watched and exchanged looks. One by one they all moved to the electronics room to watch Robert's aunt, they already knew what was on the video.

"Roll it Buzz." Sanchez said, as he took a seat next to her.

Fiona watched intently without any visible reaction. "Play it again please. I'd like the volume turned up." Buzz looked at her feeling uncomfortable. She turned her cool green eyes on him and simply raised her brow.

"Yes ma'am."

Flynn was standing at the back of the room his arms crossed, his mood dark.

After seeing the video a third time Fiona said, "From what I've seen, this wasn't a robbery gone bad."

She was pushing her chair back when Flynn shoved away from the wall saying, "And you know this how?" His was angry and wanted to lash out at everyone. He snorted, "So what, did they tell you that?"

She turned to look at him. Sanchez said, "Fiona Hurley this is Lt. Flynn."

Very deliberately she ran her assessing gaze over him. Her expression was blank, her eyes cold. "Flynn?" turning her back on him she started to the door telling Sanchez, "Get your translator on that."

"Yes ma'am." Sanchez response pissed Flynn off.

"Oh, Since when do we take orders from some girl off the street?"

"Tell them the men are not Jordanian but Saudi's." Fiona had dismissed Flynn, again.

"You want us to believe you know what the hell they are saying?" He was out of line and knew it, but couldn't seem to shut his mouth.

Provenza asked, "What the hell is up with you today? You've had a stick up your butt since you got here."

Walking out the door without answering Flynn, Fiona said to Sanchez, "He's adopted isn't he?"

Sanchez looked back at Flynn with a big grin, "Never asked ma'am. I know he's from New York." She nodded. Provenza laughed while Gabriel covered his mouth and left the room. Flynn stood and simmered.


	15. Chapter 15

Brenda stared at the phone in her hand. Her conversation with Fritz was a blank. He had said something about paperwork he was sending having to do with their life insurance policy and medical coverage. She had been so sure the FBI knew about the incident at her home and informed him. Another reminder they were through and she was alone.

It had all become very real in the last few hours. But the chatter that had been picked up still had Hamid on the east coast. What the hell was going on? Was this about her or could it be connected the case Fritz had just closed?

She had to get her mind back on the case. Tossing her cell phone back into her bag she walked into an empty murder room. Where had everyone gone? Her curiosity died as two dour looking hulks walked into the murder room with her in their sights. Both casually dressed and neither carried a weapon. CIA. She relaxed, they were not FBI.

Before either said a word she motioned to her office, "Not out here."

They followed her in, "This room is not sound proof." Both acknowledged with a nod. Taking her seat behind her desk she felt more in charge, more able to handle the news about to be delivered.

"Chief Johnson, the team swept the entire house. Found four listening devices, the poison in the shower head and several tracking devices in your clothing." Brenda shoved away from her desk and jumped from her chair, kicking off her shoes and tossing her coat across the room.

Agent Carter understood and picking up the coat and gave a thorough once over while agent Simms checked the shoes. "They're fine ma'am." Brenda was gesturing to her dress. Simms removed a small bag from his pocket. "They look like this ma'am." Simms was running his fingers around the neck line of her blouse when Flynn knocked on her door and walked in.

His eyes moved from Brenda to the man with his fingers in her blouse to the man holding her shoes. Brenda stepped away from Simms and taking her shoes from Carter as if this sort of thing went on every day. "What can I do for you Lt?"

Flynn had no idea why he had come to her office. All he could think was a man had his hands on Brenda. Correction, a man had his hands in her blouse. His grip tightened on the door. More to hold him in place that anything else. "Uh…"

Brenda said a silent prayer that Flynn would keep as good a grip on his temper as he had on the door. "Yes Lt…?"

The shock wore off in a rush of foul temper, "Who are…?" Flynn was about to say Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb, but caught himself in time.

"Plumbers." She said with a straight face.

"Plumbers?" He sounded incredulous. It didn't help that Tweedle Dumb apparently didn't care to be called a plumber. What the hell were they really? Feds…..

"Yes. My water pipes broke this morning. It was awful, just awful. They were here explaining what has to be done. It may take days to repair." Turning to the plumbers she said, "I'll be with y'all in one teensy, tiny minute." Then turned and shoved Flynn back out the door.

"He had his hands in your blouse. What the hell kind of _plumber_ does that?" He hissed. When she didn't answer he said, "This is something to do with Howard isn't it?"

Her shoulders sagged, "I don't want to talk about this right now. What did you come to tell me Lt?"

He was still pissed about the mango thing this morning and that meant he was pissed at Julio. And made no effort to hide his annoyance. "Sanchez brought the aunt in to see the footage we had from the robbery. Fiona Hurley. She watched the footage three times then _tells_ us all calm as you please, to get it translated. Oh and get this, she said to tell the translator they're Saudi not Jordanian. Never blinked seeing the guy get his head blown off." He snorted before continuing, "And Sanchez, he's hangin on her every word. Takin orders from her." He paced a few steps away and paced back. "And I do mean orders. Treating her like she's made of spun glass and one wrong word from one of us would break her."

Brenda couldn't help but grin, "And could it be Lt, that wrong word came from y'all?"

"Oh a, all I did was ask if she really understood what they were saying. She completely ignored me. Didn't even answer my question. And since when are we taking orders from some chick off the street?"

"I see."

"Sanchez told her my name was Flynn. She looked at me and said, adopted? Me! Just like that, like I'm not really Irish."

That had Brenda openly smiling. If there was one thing sure to set off Andy Flynn's temper it was to question his Irish roots. Whoever this Fiona Hurley was she had made one hell of an impression on Flynn and not in a good way. Brenda hoped she would have to chance to meet her.

"So is Lt Tao getting it translated?"

"Yes, well he made a call. It's Friday and there may be some delay. Vacation, training, I didn't listen. Tao can explain. He was falling all over himself to do as he was told too."

Provenza walked in, "Oh Jezz Louise, Flynn. Are you in here whining to the chief because this Hurley dame made a crack about your name?"

"She didn't make a crack about my name. She asked if I was adopted!"

"Yeah well, you insulted her first. If you ask me…" Provenza started to say.

Flynn cut his off, "Nobody's asking you."

"If you ask me, you had it coming." Provenza finished and walked to his desk. "Every time we turn around this case gets another twist and more unanswered questions, chief. Sanchez has her back ground information. This Hurley dame appeared to be able to understand them, he didn't look surprised and from what she heard it wasn't a robbery gone badly." He swiveled his chair around and looked up at the murder board. "We may have to go back to the beginning on this one. We were asked to rule out a hate crime, sounded simple. But nothing we have discovered so far adds up."

Flynn snorted, "See what I mean chief, even Provenza is listening to this girl."

"Flynn! Let it go. We all know you're hurting. But I swear to the baby Jesus I don't want to hear another word."

"Well thank you Lt. You are probably correct, clear the board and start with what we know as fact so far. Disregard the original assumption. Now if y'all will excuse me. I have to get back to…" She drew a blank. Brenda looked at her office door and back at Flynn.

"To your plumbers…" he offered. Then rolled his eyes, "If you can't keep your lies straight I shouldn't have to help you." He whispered.

"Yes, my plumbers thank yew Lt, thank yew so much."


	16. Chapter 16

Brenda turned away from Flynn and walked back into her office. She forced her attention back on the two men sitting across from her. Not an easy thing to do when all she wanted was throw herself into Flynn's arms and block out the nightmare that had become her life.

"Chief Johnson, this is the address to the safe house and the key." Simms said as he pushed a folded piece of paper across that table. He went on to explain as she struggled to wrap her mind around the fact her home was now a _safe house_. "All of your clothing and personal items have been relocated. If there is anything the team has missed you let us know."

"I don't think that will be necessary. I have a car. But thank yew so much for the offer."

A uniformed offer walked up to Provenza's desk ."Lt, I need to speak with Deputy Chief Johnson. Where can I find her?"

Pointing to her office he says, "Her office is right over there. Is this anything I can help you with officer?"

"No sir." He swallowed hard and went to knock on her door.

"Yes, cone in." Brenda was desperate for a distraction, any distraction. She looked up to see a uniformed officer with Flynn and Provenza standing behind him. "Yes officer?"

"Chief, um, I'm here about your car… um… Your car was involved in a hit and run sometime this morning."

"What, what are you talking about? I wasn't in a hit and run. Someone hit my car?" _Someone hit my car! Oh lord… what next?_

"Looks like a drunk driver. We found open containers in the car, suspect fled the scene." He swallowed again before adding, "We're very sorry chief but at the moment it looks like the department doesn't have another vehicle available." And with that he turned and walked away. Flynn figure that was the news the officer didn't want to have to deliver. He must have lost the coin toss.

Flynn and Provenza were familiar with cold stare boring a whole in the officers retreating back and went back to their desks.

"Chief, chief it's alright. It was parked on the street in front of your home when it was hit. This way there won't be any questions asked. The LAPD terrorism unit has been advised and is acting in accordance with our… wishes. Until we have a better handle on things you'll have a driver." Her gaze went from one to the other and back. " At this time we don't believe it isn't safe for you to drive ma'am."

/

Provenza watched Flynn slump into his chair. He was flipping through papers in a file. When he tossed the file aside Provenza walked over and sat on the edge of the desk. "Hey about last night…" Flynn froze, he didn't dare look at Provenza. "If you're mad that I called the chief well that's too bad. I, umm, got a little worried when I couldn't get you on the phone. Figured you were screening your calls. So I called the chief. Thought if she called you'd answer."

Flynn leaned back in his chair. "That's what you figured? Well she didn't call."

Provenza frowned, "I thought for sure she would. She finds you almost tolerable. Not like the first year when she was hoping you'd be shot by some perp, saving her the trouble of doing it herself."

"She didn't call." Flynn didn't look happy.

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh." Flynn inhaled deeply and let it out in a huff. "I fucked up big time last night. I… I… took a drink."

"Andy, I wish you had called me. I know how hard getting the news was…"

"I didn't swallow it. I spit it out. But things went downhill from there."

"You said you didn't drink, that's a good thing isn't it, how much worse could it get?"

Tilting his head towards Brenda office he said "She didn't call, she came over." He made a face saying, "Found the open bottle, me a … mess and smelling like a still, my gun on the table with a round in the chamber."

Provenza leaned forward and gripped Flynn's shoulder spinning Flynn in his chair so he could look him in the eye. "You tell me right now you weren't planning to…"

"Blow my brains out? Hell no, but that's what she thought." Satisfied with the answer Provenza released his friend and waited for the story. Andy explained with great drama the chiefs genital approach, "She loaded the damn thing and told me to put it in my mouth so she could make sure I was doing it right!"

"It must have been a dream come true. Think of all the years she has been waiting for an opportunity like that."

"Remember how mad she was about the dead drug mule in your garage and the sky box tickets?" Flynn shook his head, "It was nothing…. nothing compared to last night. The woman is scary when she's that mad."

Provenza smiled, "Hey, speaking of baseball, I have two tickets for the game tomorrow. Come with me. I'll even buy you a Dodger dog."

Provenza watched Flynn struggle to make a decision unaware of the reason for his hesitation. "Come on. What are you going to do sit around the house thinking of Mary? We both know she wouldn't want that."

Flynn was again pulled from his thoughts of Brenda. Another wave of guilt washed over him…. Mary. "Sure, yeah. What time…"

/

Provenza cleared the murder board and disregarding all the information the squad had not personally collected, they were starting fresh.

A frustrated Tao walked and tossed a folder on his desk.

"What's with you?" Provenza asked.

"Doesn't look like we're getting a translator any time soon. One is out on maternity leave, another is training at Quantico and our third is on vacation out of the country. None are expected back for a couple weeks. So I contacted LA Sheriff, no one available, Orange County Sheriff, no one available. No one has an Arabic interpreter available." With a sigh he adds, "I'll tell the chief."

"I'd wait on that. Now is not a good time." Provenza gave a mock shudder.

Flynn added, "She just found out someone hit her car."

"And her water pipes burst. That's the plumbers in with her now."

Flynn snorted under his breath, "Plumbers…"

Tao dropped into his chair, "It can wait." Nods all around.

/

End of shift came at last. "All right everyone we aren't going to learn anything new tonight. Have a good weekend and we'll see what we come up with on Monday."

"Flynn, join me for dinner? We can talk if ….you know…." Provenza asked.

"Thanks, not tonight I have a meeting." With a nod and a pat on the shoulder Provenza left.

Brenda walked out of her office to find Flynn waiting. "Lt?" She was so relieved it was all she could not to hurl herself at him and cry. The day had been horrible with one awful bit of information followed by another. She had spent most the day sick to her stomach with fear, dreading going home to a _safe house_ and all that entailed. She was so cold inside not even the Southern California heat could warm her.

"You don't have a car and you need to eat dinner. Come on." With his hand at her back, leaving no room for discussion, he walked her to the elevator. He dropped his hand as the door slid open and they joined several other officers leaving the building. She missed the heat of his touch and the freezing chill settled back into her bones.

She hadn't said a word, not in the car, not when he picked up their take out order, not when he drove back to his house. She took his keys and unlocked the door. Kicking it shut behind him Flynn took a few steps into his house when she turned, grabbed his lapels and pushed his back against the door. Her only words were, "Kiss me."


	17. Chapter 17

Andy didn't need to be told twice, hell he didn't need to be told once. He wanted to drop the bags and wrap his arms around Brenda but as badly as he wanted to hold her he also needed to feed her. Work had always come first with her, today was no different.

Andy was on the verge of forgetting that. He didn't want to come up for air. Tonight was a repeat of last night; he was lost with a kiss, his mind a blank of anything but the woman clinging to him. He fought through a haze of desire to clear his head, to find the thought that was eluding him. When he moved to wrap his arms around her Flynn became conscious of the weight holding down his arms. Food… dinner… One more consuming kiss and he raised his head to say "Dinner, Bren." His voice wasn't his own.

They remained where they were, against the front door. Both needing a moment to catch their breath and collect themselves. "Come on Bren, you need to eat." Still plastered to his body she moaned and the sound ratcheted up the heat in the room, she went, reluctantly.

The first half of the dinner was accomplished in silence. There were so many questions running through Andy's mind, question he couldn't broach. Reaching over he ran his hand over her shoulder and down to her hand. "You got a call from Howard today. Have you told him?"

He didn't need to finish, she knew what he was referring to. Brenda pushed the food around her plate. "No. I know I'll have to tell him but…."

She had been dealing with the shock, the fear and the pain of this alone for months. Brenda looked at Andy and said, "I know I have too, I do. But I'm afraid he'll want to come back…. not for me, but out of obligation to the baby. I don't want that…. I don't want him. If that makes me a bad person I sorry, but…."

"Shhh. It's gonna be okay, you'll see. So when are you going to tell the squad? Sanchez guessed and I know…"

"You guessed too. You guessed I was old and dying of cancer." She shot back still annoyed with him.

Rolling his eyes he said, "Be that as it may, I know too. Bren it's just a matter of time before the rest of the squad catch on. Honey you're starting to show."

Dropping her fork she glared, "Am not!"

"Oh for god sake. Brenda you can't button your jeans anymore."

He was right. But she wasn't ready for this. She never truly believed she would find herself having to make these kinds of decisions. And her body and this baby were not going to wait for her to get ready. How she wished for a big glass of Merlo.

"I had an appointment last week. My doctor ran tests and will be letting me know what she thinks is best."

He squeezed her hand. Seeing her struggle tore at him. Brenda Leigh Johnson had no idea how transparent she could be.

Brenda found being with Andy was so comfortable and calming. It would be so easy to tell him everything. But that would put him in danger and she couldn't, and wouldn't do that. Not until there was no choice in the matter. Picking up the dished she started clearing the table as a distraction.

They cleaned up together Andy telling her about the Dodgers game with Provenza and laughed when she asked, "Do you have skybox tickets again?"

"No." and kissed her scowling forehead.

As Brenda tuned off the water Andy looked at her, "Hey, you can't stay at your house. You don't have any water."

Drying her hands she dug through her black bag pulling out a piece of paper. "The uh…. rental company arranged for an apartment."

"Apartment?"

"It was real bad."

"Yeah, okay." He took the paper and walked her out the door.

/

Andy took the key from Brenda and opened the door. He walked through all the rooms satisfying himself it was safe. "Sure you don't want to stay with me?" He asked as he nuzzled her neck.

"Humm."

"Is that a yes?"

"Kiss." And he did. When he started reaching under her blouse to unfasten her bra, he pushed her away. _Damn this woman is lethal._ His breathing was ragged and he grinned wickedly at her dazed expression.

"If you need me, call…. Promise?"

"Promise." She pulled him down and kissed him again.

"Lock the door behind me." She nodded and did as he instructed.

Leaning against the door, she scanned her new temporary home. Minutes passed and her phone rang. Thinking it was Flynn she didn't check the number before answering. "Hello."

"Chief Johnson, this is Simms. Your guest has left the building. The security detail is in place. If you need anything call me or the front desk. And for your own safety and his we ask you not make a habit of bringing your boyfriend back to the apartment. It was a close call when we spotted his weapon. You'll also notice your medication is from a different pharmacy. We had them refilled to rule out tampering. Ma'am, you should have informed us that you're pregnant. It didn't come up while briefing the LAPD, so I feel it is safe to assume you haven't informed them either."

Brenda couldn't move. If she hadn't been leaning against the door she would have fallen down. _Oh God, they could have hurt Andy. _Her knees buckled and she slid to the floor.

"Are there cameras in here, is the apartment bugged?"

"No ma'am. But if you notice there are panic buttons in each room. Hitting one will alert security. I suggest you familiarize yourself with each location. Do you plan to go out tonight? If so there will be a man following you…. For your own protection."

"No."

"Good. Again ma'am if there is anything you need, just let us know. Good night."

If ever Brenda needed a reminder of why she left the agency this was bringing it all back. The secrets, the lying, the isolation and suffocating loneliness. Climbing to her feet, she moved through the apartment. Her clothes had all been put away. She rubbed away the goose bumps that ran over her skin thinking of strange men touching her personal things.

On the dining room table were several boxes of personal items. One top of one was the framed picture of Kitty. Fueled by irrational anger Brenda frantically searched through the boxes. She couldn't find Kitty.

It was the final straw, an awful ending to an awful week. Grabbing her black bag she ran out of the apartment. She was going to get Kitty and no one was going to stop her.

Except for the three large heavily armed men that rushed into the hall, weapons drawn looking for danger. "Where is the trouble ma'am?"

Brenda swiped at her tears, "Trouble?"

"Yes ma'am. You said you were not going out. And you … look… a …little" He looked at the others, "frantic…."

She glared at them, "You forgot Kitty."

Lowering their weapons they exchanged looks and one asked, "Who is Kitty?"

She raised her chin and answered. "My dead cat."

/

/

**Hope you enjoy. Interested in hearing your opinion.**


	18. Chapter 18

"You're running out of here for your cat?" Hulk one said with a scowl.

Hulk two nudged him with his elbow, "Dead cat." He said without taking his eyes off Brenda.

Hulk three asked, "Is it stuffed?"

Brenda blinked, "Stuffed?"

"Yeah, you know like taxidermy. Had a friend did that to his dog."

Hulk two added, "Now people freeze dry. Course you still can't pet them much. Hair falls out after a while. Then all you have is bald, dead cat."

Hulk three suggested, "You could put a sweater on it." Hulk one and two nodded in agreement.

"Leather bomber jacket, I'd get my dog a leather bomber jacket. Wouldn't freeze dry a cat, dog sure, but not a cat." Hulk two was looking thoughtful.

Her mouth fell open as they discussed the pros and cons of freeze drying pets over taxidermy.

She managed to say, "Ashes. I want my cat's ashes."

They were back to scowling. Clearly they had a preference and cremation was not it. With a sigh hulk one the apparent leader asked "So you were going to run out of here at," He glanced at his watch, "2230 hours into a house that was swept for bombs earlier today…. To get your…DEAD… CATS… ASHES?" he yelled.

Her chin wobbled again and hulk three look alarmed. He elbowed their leader, "Hey, take it easy. Remember what the boss said", in a loud whisper he said, "She's pregnant."

When she looked like she might burst into tears they all took a step back. Hulk three, clearly the weakest of the bunch asked, "So… it's real important you have your dead cat?"

"Yes, yes it is." She slapped away a lone tear.

Hulk three caved, "So where is…. Kitty?"

"On the fire place mantel, in a small urn."

He nodded, "Go back inside. I'll get your… cat in a jar."

"Kitty is in an urn!"

"Okay, take it easy. I'll get your cat in an _urn_."

"Oh thank yew, thank yew so very much."

Hulk two said as they turned and walked to the elevator, "I'll go with you. But it would have been more interesting if it was stuffed."

/

Brenda slept through most of the week end. All the chatter still had Hamid on the east cost of Canada. It was looking more and more likely that the sabotage of her home was connected to Fritz. Andrew had called and explained why they weren't ready to bring the FBI just yet. By Monday morning she felt much more in control of her emotions and the situation.

That is until Andrew called. "Brenda I think you should seriously consider not going back to work until we have better intel on Hamid."

"Andrew you cannot be serious. I can't just disappear. If I don't show up it will raise all kinds of hell to say nothing of the possibility I could lose my job altogether."

"And there is also your Lt. Flynn. It is unfortunate he drove you home and is now aware of where you are living. It makes the job of shielding you that much more difficult."

"I'm not hiding Andrew. I go underground and we may never catch him. I am not spending the rest of my life hiding."

"Yes… there is that."

/

Her driver used a nondescript car to drop her off at headquarters. Flynn had sounded peeved when she told him she had already arranged a ride. She hadn't solved the problem of how to keep him away from the safe house.

Brenda walked into the murder room and froze in her tracks. Her hand was over her nose and mouth but not in time to block out the horrible stench. "Oh my lord. So help me Lt Provenza if you allowed someone to open another cooler full of dead bodies in here I'm going to…."

He had a handkerchief over his nose and mouth. Blinking rapidly he waved his hand in the air in a futile attempt to clear the smell. "No chief. It's the guys in interview one."

"Guys? You mean there are people walking around this office that smell like this and they're alive?"

"Taylor assigned us the case. There have been multiple killings on skid row."

"Lt. I understand what I am about to ask is not proper procedure, but I want them OUT of this office. No, I want them out of the building. Have Buzz take his equipment down to the parking garage. Quickly, quickly like a bunny." Brenda was walking to her office when she turned and added, "And get somebody from maintenance up here to get rid of the smell."

"Sure thing chief."

"Oh, Lt, who is interviewing our very smelly witnesses?"

"Flynn and Sanchez."

"Oh dear." Provenza nodded and waved his hand in agreement as he left the room.

Moments late Flynn and Sanchez walked into the murder room. Stalked would be a better description. She could hear Flynn from down the hall. "Can you believe that Taylor sending these nut jobs up here? I'm never going to get the smell out of this suite."

Sanchez grumbled, "I'm not wasting the money, I'm burning these clothes when I get home. I should get rid of them here. Serve Taylor right if I threw them in his office trash can."

Flynn saw Brenda and started towards her. Holding up her free hand she said, "You stop right there. I've had those men removed from this building and would appreciate it if y'all would go with them and finish the interview."

"Chief, you can't be serious. They're a couple of nuts. Complete fifty-one fifty. You want us to go down there and act as if we believe this load of carp?"

"Yes Lt, that's exactly what I want you to do. Now Commander Taylor said there had been a rash of assaults and several homeless have been found dead. Buzz will meet y'all in the parking garage and I want y'all to finish your interview there…. In the fresh air….out of this building…. far away from… my office."

Flynn dropped his head and sighed. It was his forlorn little boy expression that usually got to her. But today she was made of sterner stuff and he smelled dreadful. Still holding her nose she waved her hand, "Run along now."

"Come on Lt. The sooner we get this done the sooner we can burn this stuff."

"That's the spirit Detective Sanchez." Flynn glared at her but followed Sanchez out of the room. They passed Gabriel in the hall, "OH…. MY….GOD, who died?"

She could hear Sanchez growl "No one … yet."

/

By end of shift the air had cleared, the two witnesses were at county for medical treatment of wounds suffered in an attach and Flynn and Sanchez had each chosen to shower and change at the department gym rather than risk getting into their cars smelling like a corpse.

Brenda's mind wandered a when she saw Flynn walking back into the murder room in jeans and a pale blue cowboy shirt. He looked so good in jeans and she had all sorts of ideas about grabbing the front of that shirt and….

"Chief? Uh chief." Sanchez waited.

She blinked, "Yes Detective."

"Looks like this could be something after all. We have three dead bodies and counting the two we sent to county for medical treatment it makes eight that have been attached. None of them can give a description. They're either too high or too drunk or too crazy."

"So what leads you to believe this is by the same attacker?"

"Wounds are all in the same place on both the body's and the victims. And it looks like the same type of knife was used in all the attacks."

"Well let's hope tomorrow our two victims will remember something helpful. And that they smell better."

"I hear ya chief."

/

Brenda propped her chin on her fist and stared at the papers Fritz sent. Their marriage may have ended but some important paperwork remained. She had signed the papers regarding their shared medical, auto insurance and checking account. But she was struggling with the life insurance. Flynn was right she had to tell him about the baby. But how, when….?

Dropping her glasses on her desk she pinched the bridge of her nose hoping to rid herself of the headache that came with the papers. Oh how she missed her glass of Merlo. There were days life was easier to handle through a haze of Merlo. Closing her eyes she tried to clear her mind of distraction so she could get through Fritz's papers.

Flynn watched her from his desk. It was end of shift and she wasn't making any move to leave. He got up and knocked on her door. "Come in."

"Hey you ready to go. We can get dinner and I'll give you a ride home."

Brenda looked surprised and glanced at her watch. "Oh I didn't realize the time, shot. Y'all go on. I have a meeting up stairs."

"I can wait."

She wanted to say 'yes please', but wasn't going to take the risk. "No. I don't know how long this is going to take. And I'm still catching up after being out last week. I'll see you tomorrow."

He wanted to kiss her, hold her, but didn't dare. "If you need anything call me." She nodded and he turned to leave.

"Lt. wait." Brenda walked over and closed the shades as Andy closed the door. She backed him up to it and grabbing the front of his shirt pulled, popping the snaps open. "I have wanted to do that since you walked in earlier." Standing on tip toes she raised her mouth to his.

It was crazy, kissing her at work, but he wasn't going to refuse. When she turned down his offer of dinner and a ride home he thought….. She had her palms pressed to his chest and his mind blanked. He loved the way she tasted and couldn't get enough. She was sliding her hands up around his neck. She felt so good press against him. He was just about to slip his hand down to her butt when her office phone rang.

She jumped away from him. Her eyes were unfocused and her hair a little messy. Flynn took smug pleasure in knowing it was his kisses that left her such an adorable mess. She was fixing her lip stick as she reached for the phone. "Deputy Chief Johnson."… "I'll be right there." She said and hung up.

"I have to go…"

"I know." He said as he snapped up the front of his shirt.

Brenda ran her hand over his chest, "Andy, please don't wear that at work again. It's… very.. distracting."

Andy grinned, "Good to know." He kissed her forehead adding, "I think you should comb your hair before you go up. I kind of mess you up." He said with his cocky grin. "Don't forget to eat."

She smoothed her hair, gathered the folders and dropped them in her black bag and followed Flynn to the elevators where they parted. Him going down, her up.

Fifteen minutes later she was in the nondescript car heading to the safe house. As soon as she entered the apartment her phone rang. "Chief Johnson, are you in for the night?"

"Yes."

"Will anyone be joining you?"

"No."

"Good. You need anything call. Good night." It had been the same call each night.


	19. Chapter 19

Brenda received her now familiar call from Andrew before being driven to work. The day went better than expected. Flynn and Sanchez had managed to get a useful description from the two vics in the hospital. By noon a sketch artist, working with the vics had a good rendering of their attacker. And by end of shift the squad had circulated through enough of the homeless in the area of the attacks to be sure this was their guy.

"Chief Johnson I'll be giving a press conference in the morning and we will be passing this out to the press. I'll also be giving the number to our tip line so I suspect our phones will light up. Be prepared people."

"Hey Commander you really think the community is going to all excited about someone attacking bums in an alley on skid row?" Flynn asked.

"No but we are offering a reward. And this young man does not look like he comes from the row. Looks a little preppy to me. Someone is going to know him. I'm sure of it." Taylor looked at the sketch. "Yes indeed. The real question is why he is doing this."

"I hope you are correct commander. Good work everyone. See y'all in the morning." Brenda went into her office to clear her desk when Flynn poked his head in, "Dinner?"

Her phone rang, "Just one minute." She said as she answered. Her shoulders slumped. "Fritz? Yes I got them…..Hold on a minute." Looking back at Flynn she shook her head, "I'll pass. See you tomorrow."

Flynn felt his stomach knot, but smiled, "Sure thing chief, see you tomorrow."

Brenda sat and watched Flynn walk away as Fritz talked. She couldn't take her eyes off him. Once out of sight the chill that had become a constant in her life set deep into her bones. She would soon be locked away in her apartment/fortress for the night. "Hold on Fritz."

Dropping the phone Brenda hurried to the elevators. She said a prayer of thanks when she saw Flynn standing alone. She hadn't been thinking clearly and was suddenly aware how rash she was being.

"Chief, did you need something?"

Glancing around, she nodded, "Call me…. Later?" Her voice little more than a whisper.

Flynn smiled and nodded. She turned to go, "Chief…?"

"I have to …. Fritz."

The doors opened and he was gone…..

/

Her phone rand and she pounced on it. "Ma'am, are you in for the night?..."

Before hulk one could finish she snapped, "Yes I'm in for the night. No one is coming over. And if I need you I'll call." Then hung up before he could say anything else.

It felt like hours before he called. Clutching the phone to her ear she closed her eyes and listened. Just hearing Flynn chased away some of the chill she felt when she was away from him. Flynn was careful not to ask her about Fritz though he wanted to. He knew there was something else going on, and over the past few days the fight with Pope kept popping to mind. He tried to ignore it because it involved the CIA and that lead nowhere good. So they talked about Mary and his childhood. Flynn was amazed Brenda knew so much about him. Mary really had shared a lot with Brenda during her visits.

Flynn was about to tell her to hang up and get some sleep when Brenda asked, "Andy… how do you know when… drinking is a problem?" the question had slipped out before she could bring it back.

"Bren, honey… why are you asking? Do you want to know why I had to stop?"

"No, no…. It's just…. Me, I was asking about me…. Look never mind. It's late and …." She swiped a tear away.

She was exhausted; he could hear it in her voice. "Get some sleep Bren. We're got a whole lot crazy coming down tomorrow once Taylor gives his press conference and they open the tip lines."

"You're right. Night, see you tomorrow."

"Night Bren."

/

Flynn had not exaggerated in his prediction. The murder room was a mad house, filled with officers manning phones and logging the information. More officers were post down stars turning away the off the street crazies that wanted to tell their story in person. Yes, today was a whole lot of crazy and a half.

By noon Brenda had a splitting headache. She retreated to her office to scan through some of the more promising information they had so far. Flynn came in and closed the door and Brenda sighed as the noise level dropped.

"You okay?" He asked, concerned at her pale appearance.

"Headache." He made a face, "It's fine, really."

Tao and Gabriel walked in, "Looks like we aren't getting out of here for lunch."

Provenza joined them adding more papers to the stack on her desk.

Sanchez shoved in "These look good chief." He said of the papers in his hand. "Getting the same name from a lot of different people."

"Thank you Julio." The squad started discussing lunch when her desk phone rang and she just glared at it, making no move to answer. Finally she looked at Provenza, "Please."

Provenza was on her office line when her secure cell rang. She dug it out of her black bag and answered. Swiveling her car around, she listened to the lasted information Andrew had uncovered. Her bag was ringing again. Digging out her other cell she passed it to Flynn and motioned for him to answer.

Flynn took the phone and realized for the first time she was carrying two cell phones. Alarm bells were going off. The last time she had two cell phones was during and absence and she was working for the CIA. He swallowed and answered the phone. "Deputy chief Brenda Johnsons phone. This is…."

"Mr. Howard, I'm relieved to hear your voice. This is Dr. Cummings, I'm sure Brenda told you I had run some tests at her last visit. I have the results and I need to see her right away. I know her hours can be crazy, but it's very important she comes in, today. I'm staying late tonight. Please Mr. Howard, tell her I'll see her at six thirty. Can you do that please?"

"Yes ma'am. She'll be there. I'll see to it personally. Just to be sure there isn't a problem you should give me the address." His hand shook as he wrote down the doctor's address. "Yes ma'am I have it. See you then." He closed her phone and set it on her desk.

Brenda swiveled back around and dropped the phone into her bag. "So chief, Tao and I are going to pick up lunch, want anything special?"

Brenda smiled, "I have been dying for an In & Out double-double with grilled onions and light spread. Oh and a big order of animal fries."

"You got it chief." Sanchez took down orders for those wanting burgers, "Hey Flynn, you're into all the veggie stuff. Tao can take care of yours." He turned to leave but stopped, "Uh chief want the usual to drink?"

With a big smile she said, "Oh yes please. Thank yew Julio."

"No problem chief." Sanchez enjoyed needling Flynn and knew his bringing her a mango shake would do just that. "Mango shake it is."

/

Lunch behind them, the team sorted through the names they had gathered and began running back ground checks. A pattern formed immediately. College, several names had college in common.

"All right gentlemen let's bring in our extra-curricular students shall we and see who made the Dean's list. Lt Tao and Provenza will take these." She handed them two names that shared an address. "The rest of you are with me. Looks like this may be a fraternity, all sharing the same address and being so close to school and all."

Brenda was busy reading over the names and information they had on the suspects the squad was going to interview. She didn't notice Flynn unusual silence or that he kept casting worried looks her way.

By four thirty four of the six had been brought in and were talking their heads off. All accused the same young man, Josh Turner. It was a test to gain entrance into a fraternity. They had to live on the street for a week as one of the homeless on skid row. No one was supposed to hurt anyone.

Josh had dressed up and spent his week on the street. But the last night out he had been attached and stabbed by a crack head. The police couldn't find the man to bring him for questioning let alone prosecute for the attack.

Flynn glanced at his watch, again, five forty-five time to go.

"Lt. Flynn is there some place you need to be?" Brenda was sitting on the edge of his desk while Provenza wrote down the information they had collected on the murder board.

"What chief?"

"You keep looking at your watch."

"Not me chief. You."

"What?"

"Provenza can take care of this. We have to go."

"We?" He nodded.

"The call you had me answer. Get your things. I gave my word you wouldn't be late."

"Lt. Provenza I'd like you to handle the interview with Mr. Turner. I have an appointment I can't reschedule. Good work today everyone. Carry on. I'll see you in the morning."

Flynn waited until they were in the car and away from headquarters before he told her where they were going. He took her hand and said, "Bren, the call was from your doctor. You said she had taken tests. She has your results and wants to see you today…. now."

Her free hand moved to her stomach. It was the first time he had seen her do that and it was suddenly more real, she was having a baby. He squeezed her hand, "Don't borrow trouble Bren. You're in a high stress job and your age makes you high risk." She made a face at his. "It could be she just wants you to take leave early, avoid as much stress as possible."

"Honey, women in their thirties can be high risk." She had a death grip on his hand.

They walked into the office and sat down. Brenda had let go of Andy long enough to get out of the car. Minutes passed that felt like hours. The doctor opened the door and was surprised when she looked at Flynn. "Brenda come in."

Brenda wouldn't let go of Flynn, "Bren you have to let go. The doctor is waiting."

She tugged again, "Please."

This shouldn't be him, it should be Howard. This is all wrong. Her hand was ice cold. "Okay honey."

They sat down across from the Doctor Cummings, "Is it the baby? Did the tests show something was wrong?" The doctor looked at Flynn and back at Brenda. "Oh, whatever you have to say you can say in front of Andy. Please just tell me."

She cleared her throat and said, "The baby is fine Brenda. Healthy and developing normally." Brenda sagged with relief at the news. "The baby is fine. It's you I'm concerned about Brenda. There is no easy way to say this, I'm so sorry, you have cancer."


	20. Chapter 20

Cancer….. the word echoed through Flynn's head. The woman he had fallen in love with has cancer. She was going to be taken away from him… he suddenly felt overwhelmingly helpless. He carried a badge and a gun, could hunt down the bad guys and put them in jail. His job was to protect people, but he couldn't protect Brenda.

Flynn fought past the shock and turned to Brenda. Her face was devoid of color, her eyes swimming in unshed tears, she sat barley breathing staring at her doctor. "Cancer….. you're … sure?"

"Yes. I had the tests run twice."

Everything the doctor was saying sounded like it was under water all fuzzy and muddled. Brenda watched her lips but heard little.

Flynn swallowed and forced the question out of his mouth, "What do we do? How do we fight it?"

Her grip on Flynn loosened; her hand lay limp in her lap. "Terminate…." Flynn's strong arm around her was all that was keeping her upright. The room was spinning along with the word in her head. _Terminate, terminate….. _a few words floated in but she couldn't grasp them before they floated out of reach.

Brenda looked down surprised to see tissues in her hand. She wiped her face and struggled to do what she had done for years, ignore her feelings, feelings she didn't know how or want to deal with. She should be at work questioning a crazy college kid, or getting to the bottom of the jewelry store shooting.

"Thank you." She said calmly as she walked out of the office.

Driving home Flynn felt a horrible flash of déjà vu. He and his first wife had tried for several years to have kids. She had suffered through five miscarriages before giving up. He was young, unprepared for the grief and had never been able to bridge the abyss that formed between them. She had blamed herself and shut him out, he had drowned his helplessness and failings in alcohol. They had been deeply in love but neither could find a way forward, they spent time going through the motions before finally calling it quits.

Without discussion he drove Brenda to his house, he wasn't going to let her go home alone to a cold apartment. He was relieved she didn't argue since he didn't the heart to fight with her.

/

Provenza had the warrant for Josh Turner in hand as he knocked on the door of the suspect's home. Lights were on and music was blaring but there was no answer. He was about to knock again when the door opened with Sanchez on the other side.

"Not here. Place is clear." Sanchez said as the rest of the team walked in.

Looking around at the piles of garbage, fast food containers and beer cans as he pulled on his gloves Provenza said "Well let's see if we can find the knife. And hope he hasn't been watching the television and skipped town. Meanwhile we need to get a BOLO on this guy. Gabriel you take care of that."

"Yes, sir."

Tao and Sanchez searched to bedroom and bath but didn't find anything but trash and dirty clothes. Walking back into the living room Tao said, "Got nothing. Anything in the kitchen?"

Provenza shook his head. "Garbage, garbage and oh, looky here, more garbage! Flynn gets to play chauffeur to the chief and we're stuck wading through garbage. I don't do garbage. We're a bust here. Maybe we'll get lucky and a patrol unit will spot him and pick him up. It would sure make my job easier."

/

Brenda was like a sleepwalking puppet. Andy told her to sit, she did. He fixed her a dinner and told her to eat, she did. He sat on the couch next to her and opened his arms and she curled up next to him. The lights were dim with music playing softly, he was alone with the woman he loved, ironically this was the perfect romantic evening. Flynn thought, the joke was on him.

He stripped her out of her cloths and dressed her in an oversized t-shirt with clinical efficiency. She had followed without question every instruction he had given, until now. As he led her to his daughter's room she balked. Looking him in the eye for the first time since leaving the doctors, she said, "Please Andy, I don't want to be alone tonight."

Kissing her forehead he picked her up and carried her to his room, tucking her into bed where he joined her minutes later. She attached herself to his side. The weight of the day dragged her under and she fell into a fitful sleep. Several times crying in her sleep.

/

Parked across the street was a dark SUV.

"_Report…"_ the voice on the other end of the phone said.

Hulk two responded. "Looks like she's staying with the boyfriend tonight. Not a lot of conversation. Sounds like crying off and on. He's still in the dark."

"_Copy that. Stay alert. We've picked up some chatter. Hamid may be making his move in the next few days… Did you say crying?" _Hulk one asked.

"Yeah. Got some bad news from her doctor a few hours ago. She is one tough cookie. Most women find out a terrorist broke out of prison to come half way around the world to off them would be screaming their head off, demanding protection. Not this one. Add that to being told you have cancer…. Hell, don't know if I'd handle it so well. Got to say I'm impressed."

"_Well while you're being impressed don't forget to keep your eyes open."_

Understood." Hulk two hung up.

/

Andy eased out of bed to get ready for work. He had just finished dressing when Brenda shook the sleep from her eyes and sat up.

"Morning." He said

Looking at the sun filled window she said, "Yes it is." And threw off the sheet to get out of bed.

He was at her side instantly, "Hey, you don't need to get up, it's early yet." He pushed a curl behind her ear. "Go back to sleep."

She didn't have the energy to argue. She lay back as he pulled sheet over her. "Need anything before I go?"

"No. Andy about last night. It seems all I do is cry on you and say thank you. But I mean it, thank you."

He flashed that cockeyed grin that could either irritate or make her laugh. "I… want to be here for you Bren. In any way you let me." He gave her a kiss on the forehead before leaving.

Brenda lay still until she heard the car back out of the drive. Minutes later her phone rang. "Yes?"

"If you're ready to go, we are out front ma'am."

Brenda ran to the window pulling back the shade to see a big black SUV in front of Flynn's house.

Dropping the shade she hissed, "I'll be out in a minute. I have to dress."

Brenda walked out of Flynn's house and was handed in to the SUV by hulk three. She glared at hulk two as he sat behind the wheel, then hulk three as he climbed in after closing her door. "Were you two here all night…. in _this_?"

Hulk three nodded, "Yes ma'am."

"Did he see you when he left?"

"No ma'am."

She snorted as they pulled away and drove to the safe house. Flynn was sharp, no way would he miss a big, black, SUV with blacked out windows parked near his home.

An hour and a half later Brenda walked into the murder room to see an annoyed Provenza, "You're late."

"I know, sorry. How are we doing at locating Josh Turner?" She asked as walked past a shocked Flynn. She pushed away her personal worries and forced her attention on the case. Work had always been her escape. Today was no exception.


	21. Chapter 21

"What the hell are you doing here?" Flynn snapped as she walked towards her office.

The room fell silent and all eyes in the murder room turned from Flynn to Brenda waiting for a reaction. She stopped and slowly turned her head, looking at him over her shoulder. Raising her brow she took a moment before answering. "I work here, Lt."

Provenza grumbled, "Flynn! Hells bells, what is the matter with you?"

Getting himself under control took a bit more effort than he expected. "Sorry chief…. I… umm… thought you weren't coming in today."

"Well it's not the weekend yet and we have two cases we need to solve. You were saying Lt Provenza?"

"We have a BOLO issued. His apartment looked like no one had been there for some time. Planned to talk with his fellow frat brothers, but I wouldn't hold my breath."

"Thank you Lt. So Lt. Tao how are we doing getting a translator?"

"I haven't found one yet chief. There aren't that many and those we have…" He held up his hands and shrugged. "Still weeks away. Sorry chief."

"Weeks? Ohhh…" Brenda swung her black bag over her stiff shoulder and started out of the murder room.

"Chief, uh where are you going?" Tao asked.

"To see Chief Pope. I need a translator."

"Chief, did you forget? Pope's not here." Flynn flinched at the sound of his own voice; he couldn't hide his resentment for the man.

She stopped and turned back to her squad, all looking at her with different levels of concern. She sighed, "Yes Lt, I guess I did." Stomping her foot she walked back towards the board stopping near Sanchez's desk. "This is impossible. How am I supposed to do my job when no one will help me?" Grabbing his stapler she pounded it on the desk. "I ..am.. not ..waiting.. weeks! weeks… to find out what those men were saying. Somebody find me a translator… now!"

Julio rescued his stapler, telling Brenda, "Chief, take it easy. I'll get you a translator."

"Oh like you know someone." Flynn said.

"Yeah, I know someone."

"Oh wait…. You're talking about that chick…?"

"Thank you Detective Sanchez. Thank you so much. At least I have one person in this squad willing to help me."

Flynn was about to comment but Sanchez was already gone. Brenda made a face at Flynn as she walked to her office.

"Flynn I swear you have been a pain for days. I think you need to seriously consider taking some time off. Go home, see your family, do _something._ We all get it, but there is a limit and you have reached it."

/

Fritz swung his rental car into the drive killing the engine. He looked at his former home, the home he had shared with Brenda and knew he had made a huge mistake. His months away had forced him to admit he was unhappy and he needed to make serious changes in his life. But all he had done was make one mistake after another.

He had been a prize fool to listen to Carol, what the hell had possessed him? _'Don't call her. You know all that blah, blah, blah about absence and the heart. She'll realize what a good guy you are and how easy it would be to lose you. I am a woman Fritz, who better to know how the female mind works. Trust me on this; you'll see I'm right.' _What the hell had possessed him to blame Brenda for everything? Worse why had he told Carol? It felt like the old days when he was drinking. Nothing was his fault, he was the victim, he could rationalize all of it, even sleeping with Carol.

_I can't believe I actually brought those damn divorce papers. _He knew he had backed Brenda into a corner, said awful hurtful things she didn't deserve and none of the things he had carefully planned. Guilt was chocking him. _'Brenda I want you back.'_

Grabbing the envelope off the seat he walked to the door. Slipping his key in the lock, was relived she had not changed the locks. It wasn't much and Fritz knew he was grabbing at straws, but he was going to take it as a good sign.

Walking in Fritz had a bad feeling. Something was wrong, glancing around the living room it looked the same as when he left but felt …. empty, unlived in. He couldn't put his finger on it but he knew things were missing. He moved to their bedroom and saw the closet open and empty. He forgot the papers he was going to get out of the file cabinet and started for the door. Swinging it open he was forced to step back. Standing in the doorway was a large man in tan pants and a golf shirt.

"Can I help you?" Fritz asked.

"Yeah, you can tell me what you're doing here." The man watched Fritz closely, he had the sense the man was sizing him up.

"I live here." Fritz said without thinking.

"Try again." To the untrained eye the man's stance looked relaxed. Fritz knew better and was instantly concerned about Brenda.

"Look this is my wife's place and who the hell are you?"

"You get one more chance mister. The lady that lives here is single." The man altered his stance slightly, but it was enough to put Fritz on alert.

The words were a punch in the gut, true they were divorced but hearing this man say it can as a shockjust the same. "I'm Special Agent Fritz Howard of the FBI, and the lady that lives here Deputy Chief Brenda Johnson of the LAPD. And who the hell are you?"

"Plumber." Hulk two said with a straight face.

Fritz scanned him from head to toe and knew if there was one thing this man was not and never would be it was a plumber. And questioning him would be a waste of time. He pushed forward locking the door behind him, walking to his car without a backward glance. He considered calling Brenda to tell her he was on his way, but figured the_ plumber_ had beat him to it so he didn't bother.

/

Brenda sat at her desks shuffling through the file on Josh Turner determined to find something the others missed, something that would tell them where to find him.

Fritz walked through the murder room and felt another pang of guilt. Like the house, this place was a part of their life together.

His didn't look at anyone, his sights were set on Brenda. The stares he was getting were to be expected. He had coldly divorced their colleague, their friend. He could only imagine what they though of him, what Brenda had told them.

Flynn saw Fritz enter the room and felt his temper spike. "Howard, been a while. So what brings you by?"

"Thought that would be obvious, detective, I'm here to see Brenda."

Fritz knocked once before walking into her office. Brenda hadn't looked up from the file. "Any words from Julio on the translator?"

"Not that I know."

Brenda jumped dropping her glasses on the desk. "Fritz, what are y'all doing here?" The flat tone of her voice told him more than he wanted to know.

"I wanted to talk to you about… some things." He said as he looked out through the glass wall to watchful faces of her squad. "Can I take you to lunch?"

Her stomach was in knots. Why is he here _now_? Flynn's words flashed through her mind _"You're starting to show." _She remained seated behind her desk.

"I can't. Why didn't y'all call and tell me y'all were coming?"

His shoulders slumped as he sighed, "Honestly. I didn't think you would see me."

"What do y'all need to talk to me about?"

Before Fritz could answer Flynn walked in. He did the only thing he could; he stood between Brenda and Fritz, "Chief, a unit just called in. They have Josh Turner cornered in an abandoned building." Looking at Fritz he said with a sneer, "Sorry but your little talk will have to wait."

She looked at Flynn and felt her heart leap. Seeing Fritz just hurt. All the accusations and insults he had hurled at her that morning were intertwined with images of the two little babies that had been brutally murdered and had left her feeling gutted.

Brenda grabbed her black bag and holding it like a shield walked out of her office with Flynn and Fritz right behind. "All right everybody lets go, lights and sirens. Now we believe this is the man that has already killed three people. He is to be considered armed and dangerous, so I want to see vests on all y'all. Lt Provenza please let Detective Sanchez know where we are going."

"Do you want him to meet us there?"

"No. I need that translator. That is his priority. Y'all move out. Lt Flynn and I will be right along. And remember we want him alive."

As if he were an afterthought Brenda stopped and turned to her ex husband. "Chances are if we take Turner alive we won't be done until morning. Call me tomorrow, we can talk then."

"Be careful." He said. She frowned at him before turning and walking away.

Until Fritz saw her walking away he had no idea how badly he had hurt the woman he loved. There wasn't even the slightest hint of warmth in her eyes. He knew what it meant when she over did the y'all. Brenda had made it clear she didn't want him near her, even held that damn black bag up between them like a barricade. Damn he hadn't asked her about the_ plumber_…

This was going to be harder then he first thought. But he was determined to repair the damage his actions had caused. Starting tomorrow.


	22. Chapter 22

Brenda adjusted the Velcro on her vest trying to get comfortable as they sped through traffic. Her chest felt tight, but no amount of fussing with her vest would relieve that.

"I take it you didn't call him?"

"NO. I have nothing to say to him." Brenda didn't look at Flynn when she answered.

"Except that you are pregnant with his baby." He said flatly. He took a quick glance at her and cursed under his breath. He pulled the strap free on his vest so he could get to his pocket and pull out a handkerchief. "Here"

"What is that for?" She asked as she reached for it.

"You're crying." His response was matter- of- fact.

"Am not." Hers was ridiculous.

"If you don't want Provenza and everyone else thinking I'm a prick and said something to make you cry, dry your eyes."

She patted her eyes and checked her make-up. As the car came to a stop she had her gun and badge out of her purse ready to move. Flynn grabbed her arm" Look at me Bren." She did. "You stay behind me, do you understand?" Lt Andy Flynn had been a cop long enough to learn when to be a hard ass and when not to. This was one of those times, she could hear it in his voice, and he wasn't going to take anything but full agreement from her. But Brenda couldn't just say yes, it wasn't part of her DNA.

"The man used a knife not a gun. Are you forgetting who the Chief is?" She tugged but he wasn't budging.

"No. Are you forgetting you're pregnant? There is no reason for you to make a target of yourself. Promise me."

She nodded.

"Seriously? After all the years we have worked together you expect me to fall for that? Say the words, out loud. 'I promise to stay _behind_ my team.'" She screwed up her mouth and glared at him. "I'm waiting. Do you really want to have an argument with me on this, here, now?" She pressed her lips together, he rolled his eyes, "And if any of them walk over here and ask what the holdup is, I'll tell them."

Brenda gasped, "That's blackmail!"

He flashed his infuriatingly cocky grin. "Yeah, it is and I'll use it if that's what it takes. So what are you gonna do about it?"

"I promise to stay behind y'all."

"Thank you. I know that was hard for you." He grinned when she snorted, he couldn't help it, she was so damned adorable when she was pissed at him. And if she knew he thought of her as adorable she'd be pissed about that too.

/

Getting Turner out of the building was taking several hours of futile negotiating, a SWAT team, and tear gas adding to Brenda's frustration. None of it had an effect.

After a long silence, Turned started shooting. The order was given and SWAT fired flash bangs and moved in to take Turner down.

Once it was safe to enter the building the squad found an arsenal of guns and ammo. Flynn didn't say 'I told you so' but he scowled at her until she gave him one of sweet smiles saying, "My, my, my will you look at this. Lt Flynn I'd like you to log all these weapons in to evidence. Let's see if y'all can find out who our little college boys supplier was. This doesn't look like a one man operation gentlemen. I wonder if any of his fellow frat boys were involved? Thank yew Lt."

"Chief, uh that's more my area than Flynn's." Tao said, looking puzzled.

"Well this time I'd like Lt Flynn to handle the guns. From the looks of this place there is plenty to keep y'all busy."

Tao nodded and walked away exchanging looks with Gabriel. Brenda motioned to the weapons "Lt. Flynn."

"Sure thing chief, I'll get right on that." He said gritting his teeth.

Provenza walked over and asked, "What did you do to piss her off this time?"

Flynn knew but wasn't going to say, he shrugged and started collecting and tagging all the weapons.

/

Brenda was all but dragging when they got back to the murder room. It had been dark and she still had to question Turner. Dropping into her chair she thought of nothing but sleep.

Sanchez knocked on her door as he walked in. "I think we will have the translation complete in a couple of days chief. A lot of today was spent on paperwork and government clearances." Placing a folder on her desk he said, "This is what we have so far. Definitely more than a robbery gone bad chief. Looking like some kind of set up possibly a hit."

Brenda forced herself to focus, "A hit? Any idea who the target might be?"

"Not yet."

"Well this changes everything. Julio, where did you find a translator? Lt Tao said it would be weeks."

He smiled, "Fiona Hurley."

"Where have I heard that name? Oh, that little boy's aunt!"

"Just so happens, chief, she's an Army linguist."

"And her language is Arabic?" She grinned asking "She's the one that made Lt Flynn angry isn't she?"

"Yeah." He couldn't help smiling as he glanced at Flynn through the office glass wall. He shrugged. "He questioned her ability. I can tell you this chief, Fiona Hurley isn't used to people doubting her. I know this is taking a little longer than it would if we had our own translator, but were dealing with the Army. Because of that, there is lots of government red tape. Commander Taylor has been a big help."

She looked over the file. "Is Commander Taylor aware of the situation?"

"Yeah I let him know."

"Thank yew Julio. You really think this could be done in a few days?"

"We have the legal hurdles out of the way. She is amazing chief. The hard part is cleaning up the recordings so she can hear the men talking. Carter isn't Buzz but he's doing a great job."

"Keep me posted. I want this to be your priority. Let the rest of the squad deal with Turner."

"See you in the morning chief."

Brenda put all her remaining energy into the interview with Turner. The man was surprisingly talkative to say nothing of him being just a little bit crazy, and she was gratefully done with him within an hour. Tomorrow would be soon enough to pick up his fellow frat boys. Now all she thought of was sleep, blessed oblivion.

"Goodnight y'all. Good work today." She said as she walked to her office. There were files she needed to put away before going. As she cleared her desk she uncovered the large manila envelope Fritz had left for her. The sight of it stopped her. She had forgotten him completely. Her hand went to the baby. What kind of woman was she that she could forget him so easily? But now she remembered he was here and would be calling tomorrow.

Flynn walked into her office and shut the door. He ignored her glare as he closed the blinds. "I know you're pissed at me." He said as he moved to her side.

"You're darn right I am. You blackmailed me."

"He flashed an unrepentant grin, "Yes I did. And for the record I will do it again if I have to to keep you safe." He pulled her and kissed her pout until she relaxed against him. "Come time to feed you." He caught himself before he added two.

e ignore the glar

He walked her to his cruiser and held the door. She slid in and fastened her seat belt. Brenda closed her eyes and didn't wake up until Flynn shook her shoulder. "Your phone is ringing."

She knew by the ring it was her secure phone. Brenda chewed her lip as she looked out the window. Her phone stopped ringing only to start again.

"Would you just answer it. I know you have a second phone."

She made a face but answered the phone. Holding it to her right ear she answered, "What is it?" She hissed.


	23. Chapter 23

"It's about time you answered!" Simms yelled out of frustration. Brenda grimaced and held the phone away from her ear. Without hesitating Flynn took the phone and hit speaker. He had stayed out of things hoping she would confide in him, she hadn't and he was done respecting boundaries. "You're being followed. Midsized compact, dark blue, been on your tail since you left LAPD headquarters."

Flynn cursed as he hit the lights and the gas, maneuvering through traffic heading for an industrial section of town. If there was going to be trouble he wanted it as far from the community in the shortest amount of time, a spot where he would have the advantage. He swung the cruiser into an alley and slammed on the brakes. "Stay put." He ground out the words before exiting the car gun in hand. Brenda wanted to stop him fearing what could happen to him but he was gone before she could react. She did as he asked/ordered and stayed put.

The dark SUV had stopped behind him. A second had boxed in the compact car that had been following them.

"Show me your hands." Simms ordered over the barrel of his gun. Flynn recognized the man giving orders from Brenda's office, what the hell was she in the middle of this time?

The window lowered and Brenda cringed when she heard Fritz yell, "What the fuck is going on here? I'm Special Agent Fritz Howard of the FBI."

"Hands." Simms repeated.

Brenda jumped out the car and attempted to run past several armed men. Carter caught her around the waist passing her to Flynn. "Stay out of the way."

"She will." Flynn said slanting a glance at Cater. "I see your plumber carries more than a drain snake." Shoving his gun into the holster he leaned on the back of the car.

Brenda shrugged "We'll talk about …." She waved her hand at the collection on armed men in black, "them …later."

"You can bet on it." Flynn replied.

"It's okay y'all, you can all relax." She felt like a fool standing in a dark, deserted alley next to foul smelling dumpsters, surrounded by men ready to eliminate a threat that was nothing more than her ex husband.

Simms cursed under his breath, "You know him?"

"Yes. He's my husband." She said out of habit. A quick glance at Andy and added, "My ex….. my ex husband, we're divorced."

Carter said to no one in particular, "FBI? You'd think he'd do a better job of tailing someone."

"Not always the case with full blown idiots." Flynn added to no one in particular. He stood his arms crossed over his chest frowning at the scene unfolding in front of him. Flynn couldn't help wondering what else Brenda had not told him.

Carter snorted, "Good one, FBI, full blown idiot."

Brenda glared over her shoulder at both of them. Flynn shrugged, "Oh hey, what do you want from me?"

Carter muttered to Flynn, "I know that look. Not good, not good at all." He rolled his shoulders and added, "Uh… sorry."

Fritz climbed out of the car, looking from one SUV to the other, both had been occupied by several armed men, all of whom were now glaring at him. "What the hell is going on? Since when do you need body guards Brenda?"

Simms holstered his gun, nodded and the rest of the men did the same.

"What is going on Brenda, what are you involved in now? And what are you doing with Flynn?" he spit out the name.

Brenda stood with Flynn on her right and Fritz on her left. "How about we start with my questions before we get to y'all, what are y'all doing following me?"

"I wanted to talk to you. You were too busy earlier for lunch so I waited. Thought I would take you to dinner."

"That's what you thought? You just chased me through the streets of Los Angeles so you could talk to me? Isn't it a little late for that? And I don't mean the hour or dinner. We're DIVORCED."

Flynn glared at Fritz. "Come on Bren, let's go, it's been a long day. You can talk to her tomorrow."

Fritz looked from Brenda to Flynn and back. He was already swimming in guilt but seeing Flynn with Brenda made his temper flare. "You son-of-a-bitch! How long did you wait to tell her, an hour, two? Did you drive over so you could tell her in person; announce it in front of the entire squad? No wonder she signed those damned papers. And there you were all ready to help pick up the pieces."

"You need to take a good long look in the mirror Howard. I had nothing to do with that." He said through gritted teeth.

Brenda didn't understand what he was talking about. Why was he angry with Flynn?

He glared at Brenda, "You weren't even going to give me a chance to explain, nothing new about that. I didn't really want the divorce, but one mistake and you quit." He accused. "So, what, you're living with him now? I don't get the attraction, Brenda; I thought it would be Pope. He's been the other man in our marriage from the start. Or should I say in our bed."

She gasped, the comment was like a slap, "What are you talking about?"

"I went to the house Brenda." Looking at the SUV he added, "This shouldn't have surprised me, I meet your _plumber_ today. I know you're not living there; all your things are gone. You sure didn't waste any time. … or were you already warming his bed?"

Her hand went to her stomach as she hissed. "I'm not living with Lt. Flynn."

Stepping in front of Brenda in a futile attempt to shield her from what was coming. "You asshole, I didn't tell her anything." Flynn said flatly.

It took a moment for her attention to shift from Fritz to Flynn. Brenda felt sick looking from one man to the other. Tugging on his sleeve Flynn turned to look at her. "What didn't _you_ tell me?" She watched Flynn closely and saw it in his eyes, he knew….. something, about her and felt ill. Pieces were falling into place; answers that were just out of reach were coming closer.

Flynn shook his head. He never dreamed things would come to this. No matter what he said she was going to be hurt. "Please Bren don't do this here, now."

Brenda closed her eyes taking a deep breath wishing this weren't happening. But it was happening, Fritz was back and the fragile world she had been holding together was crumbling and slipping through her fingers. And to her horror Flynn had something to do with all of this. Opening her eyes she focused on Flynn and waited.

"I was pissed okay. After Julio and I had been to your house…_ that day_, I couldn't put it away damn it, so I called him. It was late….real late." She knew this wasn't everything so she waited for his to say it all. "You don't need to hear this, Bren, all it's gonna do is hurt you."

"I'm not a child that needs your protection." She waited.

"A woman answered." He said finally.

The words penetrated….. _a woman answered_.

"Brenda, it was only once and I knew it was a horrible mistake. I'm sorry honey."

This can't be happening, but it was and somehow standing in an alley with the stench of garbage seemed fitting. She wanted to scream, to tell everyone it was a lie… it's the lack of sleep; her mind was playing tricks on her. She swayed on her feet, Flynn reached for her but she flinched and pulled away from him.

Simms was close and steadied her. Turning to Fritz, she said, "You cheated… Y'all left…Won't return my calls… I heard nothing for months. Was it really work? Months of silence and when you do come home it's with divorce papers…. Y'all said horrible, horrible things to me. I was blaming myself and it had nothing to do with me, it was all you… y'all slept with another woman." Taking a deep breath the fog cleared and the truth stared her in the face. They had both lied to her.

She felt the pain as if it were fresh, slash across her heart. Turning from Fritz she looked at Flynn and wanted to double over from the blow. Her voice deathly quiet, "Y'all knew and said nothing. I didn't understand what had happened and y'all knew. All these years we worked alongside each other I thought I knew you, the real you. I thought I could trust y'all." She let out a short hysterical laugh. Looking back at Fritz, "But then I thought I could trust y'all too." She swiped at the tears running down her cheeks. "And you both betrayed me."

Slowly she backed away from both of them. Like a sleep walker she moved to the door of the SUV parked behind Fritz where hulk two handed her in.

Flynn stood unmoving as the car pulled away. Fritz was still determined to talk to Brenda and took a step to him car but was stopped by a gun pointed at his chest. "Stay where you are. You're done following you're ex tonight."

"Fuck you, she's not my ex!"


	24. Chapter 24

Brenda squared her shoulder as the elevator doors opened. She was dreading seeing Andy but there was no avoiding it. She felt like a fool blaming him for not telling her about Fritz. When was she going to take the time to think before reacting? He had been looking out for her and even after the ugly scene last night he'd continued to do so. She had been so wrapped up in her self-righteous anger that she had left her black bag in his car. He had used her secure cell to call Simms and insisted he drive back and retrieve it for her.

Simms had delivered it to her door along with Andy's explanation that "She needs her black bag to function." It wasn't until early this morning that she concluded he'd done so in order to avoid seeing her. Who could blame him for that? Her insane soap opera life was becoming too much for Brenda, Andy was just showing his good sense by getting out now.

She was about to enter the murder room when Capt Raydor walked out the door.

"Chief Johnson, I was looking for you. I'd like a word please. My office?"

Brenda smiled with relief, "Yes of course." The two walked side by side in silence back to the elevator.

They entered Capt. Raydor's office and she closed the door. "Please sit down chief." Sharon shuffled a few papers on her desk clearly stalling. Lacing her fingers together she looked at Brenda and said, "I've been read in on the Hamid situation." Unlaced her fingers she leaned forward, concern clear in her voice, "Brenda, are you okay? How are you handling this? I'm asking as a friend Brenda, not Capt Raydor."

As if a huge weight had been lifted she felt buoyant with relief, finally someone she could talk to. Sharon had proved to be a true ally over the last few years. She had never betrayed her. "I've been doing fine." It was a lie but more for her own sanity than to deceive Sharon. "The hardest part has been not being able to talk to anyone, that and the waiting."

"I can't even imagine what this had been like. If you ever need anything and I mean anything please let me know. I can be a very good listener."

"Thank you Sharon. That means a lot. I've been on pins and needles since we got word he was in Canada. I have very good men looking out for me though so I'm not too worried."

"I'm relieved to hear that."

"Well the truth is the government has very good men hunting for Hamid with me as the bait." She tried to say it with a smile but could tell by Sharon's expression she had failed.

"Bait?"

"That's not what they say but what else am I if not bait?"

Walking back into the murder room was going to be a bit easier; she had a friend she could talk to, a friend other than Flynn who she had driven away with her unfair accusations. "Well I need to get back to work." Brenda walked to the door. She gripped the handle but couldn't make herself turn the knob. She stood staring at the door, unable to leave.

"Brenda?"

Without thought or hesitation she blurted out, "I'm pregnant."

"What, what did you say?"

Brenda turned a leaned against the door, whispering. "I'm pregnant."

"Oh Brenda, congratulations…." Seeing Brenda's stricken face Sharon stopped.

"And I'm divorced. And I just found out last night that Fritz cheated on me while he was away on assignment." It all spilled out along with a few tears.

Brenda and Sharon sat side by side cursing men for their stupidity, selfishness and immaturity. "He doesn't know about the baby and not because I didn't want him to know. I kept calling him but he never called me back. We didn't plan this. Now…" She didn't say anything about the cancer or Flynn. Brenda thought the baby and terrorists were enough to dump in Sharon's lap today. Not having a lot of female friends, meaning any, this was new to her and she didn't want to risk losing Sharon too.

"Why on earth would the department tell me about a terrorist targeting you and not tell me about your pregnancy? What kind of logic is that?"

"They can't tell you if they don't know. I never thought I would have a baby and now I'm pregnant and am having a hard time wrapping my brain around it. I'm not good with change." She sighed, "Who am I kidding, I hate change. And here I am with my life going through so many changes a person needs a play book to keep up. And I don't have control over any of it." Scrubbing tears from her cheeks she added, "I didn't inform the department because my doctor was running tests. She tells me I'm kind of old for this and well you know..." Brenda's voice trailed away without finishing the thought.

"Brenda I'm here if you need to talk or cry or anything. I have two kids and have been a single parent most of their lives. I too had a louse for husband."

"I know this is going to sound a little crazy considering, but…. The thing that is bothering me the most is," She paused knowing she was about to prove the pregnancy was making her irrational, "My clothes don't fit and my breasts are huge and feel like I'm not me!"

Sharon laughed and told her about her own pregnancies and that she had the same reaction.

This time when Brenda stood the leave Sharon gave her a hug. Brenda relished it. "Thank yew so very much Sharon."

"I'll walk back with you. I'd like to know where we are on the jewelry store shooting. From what Commander Taylor is saying we may have uncovered some kind of convoluted murder plot."

/

Flynn shuffled through the stack of papers on his desk. He was struggling to stay focused on work and not on Brenda. Howards shouted declaration before leaving was playing on a loop in his brain. _'She's not my ex.'_ It had kept him up most of the night and once he was asleep it haunted his dreams. Not that any of it mattered; Brenda had made it clear last night what she thought of him.

The second loop running him in circles was that he couldn't stay with Major Crimes. He loved the job, had become a better cop because of Brenda and was proud of the work he did here. But there was no way he could stay, seeing her day in and day out, working the long hours they did, feeling the way he did for her. The LAPD was a big department but he had no idea to which division he should transfer. And if he is thinking of transferring, maybe he should consider moving back to New York. The distance wouldn't get her out of his thoughts or his heart, but he wouldn't have to worry about seeing her…. He scrubbed his fingers through his hair and groaned, again, before getting back on his computer to fill in more gun serial numbers.

"Flynn, if I didn't know you better I swear you were hung over. Are you still pissed because the chief has you running down the info on the guns?" Provenza grumbled.

Loud voices in the hall outside the murder room caught everyone's attention and saved Flynn from answering. Provenza was just about to send Gabriel out to see what the commotion was about when the commotion was escorted into the room. "Where might I find Lt Andrew Flynn?" The voice boomed out across the room. Flynn's head snapped up from his paper work, shocked to see his cousins.

Provenza swiveled around in his chair and grinned. "I knew the big mouth had to belong to a Flynn." Getting up he walked over and shook Sean's hand. "Good to see you Sean."

"Lovely to see you as well Lt. You remember my brothers, Liam, Connor, and Patrick. Oh and this is our cousin Mick."

Andy shook off his surprise and walked over to his family. He hugged each before saying, "What gives, all of you forget how to use a phone? You couldn't tell me you were coming."

"You mean warn you." Provenza added.

"Sure and you've been working so hard you forgot what tomorrow is?" Mick asked.

Provenza piped up, "Flynn, work too hard. That will be the day."

"We've come to help you celebrate your birthday cousin." Connor said as he slapped Flynn on the back.

"Oh it's going to be grand boyo. All the plans have been made. The girls have been working on this for months. Their seeing to all the last minute details," Liam explained, "But they'll be done in time for dinner tonight."

Sean handed Provenza an invitation, "We expect to see all of you there. Heard the Celtic Harp was a lovely pub with room for dancing. There will be plenty of food and drinks, all on us." He walked over and handed invitations to Gabriel and Tao, "You be sure and bring your lovely wife. I know this is short notice and girls get a wee bit upset at us for such things, but we hope she likes our Andy enough forgive it and join us."

Sean spied Buzz working at his desk, "Buzz we're not leaving you out." He handed him an invitation. "I hope you don't have plans for tomorrow night."

"Oh, no, thank you."

Flynn was frowning at Liam. Putting his arm around Flynn's shoulder he said softly, "Andy, this was supposed to be Mary's surprise to you. We've been planning it for months. She was so excited." Andy dragged his hand over his face and blinked away his tears.

"Where is Sanchez?" Liam asked.

"Who's asking?" Julio said as he walked in with Fiona ready to go to work on the translation.

"You remember Flynn's cousins?" Provenza said.

Julio nodded and shook hands with each man. All seemed to spot Fiona at the same time, she was quickly surrounded. "And who is this lovely lass?" Sean asked. Fiona looked from one to the next. All were as tall as or taller than Lt Flynn, other than Connor's black hair that is where the similarities ended. Sean, Liam and Mick had rick dark auburn hair. All but one had hazel eyes, Patrick's eyes were the deepest blue. And they all spoke with a slight brogue.

"Fiona Hurley." She said, "And you are?"

"Sean Flynn, lovely to meet you."

"Another Flynn?"

"Aye. You're working here? Andy didn't mention you."

"Really? Lt, I'm heart scorched."

"Mick Flynn, uh Michael. Fiona is it. Irish?" He asked with a wink. She smiled and nodded.

"What else would she be Mick with that red hair? Patrick Flynn, Sean is my brother and this is my other brother Liam."

"And I'm Connor." He said with a wink.

"And all of you are related_ him_?" They were smiling and nodding.

"We are indeed." Mick said.

Fiona slanted a look at Flynn as if seriously studying the six of them and said, "Hm. Just don't see it."

Flynn was in a foul mood and snapped without thinking, "I'm not adopted." The comment had Sanchez smiling. Fiona's smile fell away as she gave him a cool look.

Patrick handed her an invitation, "Tomorrow night, the Celtic Harp in Hollywood." She raised a brow at the mention of the pub. "Do you know where it is? I'd be delighted to offer my services and drive you. Hope you can join us."

"Thank you, I'm familiar, that won't be necessary." She said with a light laugh. The sound set Andy's teeth on edge.

Liam flashed a devilish smile as he took her hand, "As we were telling the others, there will be dancing. Do you dance Fiona darling?"

"I've been known to, yes."

Mick and Connor were too close to Fiona for Julio's liking. Picking up her pelican case he said, "It was good seeing you again. Excuse us we have work to get to. Buzz you ready?"

"Yes detective, everything is set up in electronics ready to go."

Fiona turned on her brightest smile for Flynn's cousins as she walked out of the room.

As soon as she was out of the room all attention was back on Andy. "Where is your lovely Brenda?" Liam asked.

The question was a dash of cold water and a reminder why he had to leave. "You mean Chief Johnson. I don't know."

"Aye Andy, I mean Chief Johnson." Liam knew his cousin well. Something was very wrong but now wasn't the time nor place to discuss it. "Dinner, tonight at seven. And don't be giving us any of your excuses. Patrick will be picking you up."

Flynn gave up any hope of spending the night at home alone. "Seven it is." Another round of hugs and the murder room was back to its standard number of Flynn's, one. He was breathing a sigh of relief when he heard a squeal coming from hall. "Oh shit." He muttered.

Brenda and Sharon had rounded the corner about to walk in to the murder room when she was face to face with a wall of Flynn's. "Brenda!" Sean said cheerfully as he picked her up in a big hug which was quickly followed by a hug from Connor.

Andy made it to the hall in time to tell Liam, "Put her down!" he ignored that she was giggling. The Flynn's obeyed in so much as no one picked her up again, but they didn't back away.

Brenda introduced Sharon and again the red hair caught the eye of the Irishmen. Sharon was laughing at their reaction when they put her face together with her name. The stories they had heard must be whoppers if their cleared throats and raised eyebrows were any indication. Like Andy none of the other Flynn's were any good at masking their surprise.

Andy finally succeeded in sending his family on their way but not before Brenda and Sharon had received invitations to Andy's birthday celebration and as far an Andy was concerned, forced in to agreeing to attend. "You can ignore that. My family can be a little pushy. I'll understand if you're not there." Before Sharon or Brenda could say anything he turned and went back to his desk.

Brenda felt like she had been punched. He didn't want her there.


	25. Chapter 25

Trying not to make eye contact with anyone in the murder room Brenda and Sharon walked to electronics. Entering the room she paused, caught by surprise that all three in the room were speaking Spanish.

"Uh hey chief. Captain Raydor, ma'am." Sanchez stood as the two ladies entered the room.

"Detective Sanchez, we are here for an update. How goes the translation?" Brenda asked.

Fiona stood alongside Julio, "I have two thirds of the recording translated ma'am. I anticipate we will be complete on Monday."

Brenda's smile was tight, she hated being called ma'am.

"I'm Capt Raydor. I don't think we have met before. How long have you been with the department?" Sharon may be Brenda's friend but that didn't mean she had forgotten their first meeting and Brenda's insistence she be address by her rank. Sharon thought it an indication of her stressful situation that she didn't correct the woman.

Julio answered, "She's not Capt. This is Chief Warrant Officer Fiona Hurley, US Army. We didn't have any Arabic translators available and the chief … uh Chief Johnson, needed this done as soon as possible. And the chief's… Hurley's… nephew was a witness to the shooting. Lucky coincidence."

"Oh my yes it was. He's alright though, your nephew?"

"Yes ma'am. He's doing well thank you."

"So you speak Arabic_ and_ Spanish?" Sharon asked.

"Yes ma'am. I was raised here. It feels good to speak it again, I've been out of the country for some time, I was getting rusty."

Brenda was over her huff about the ma'am thing quickly. As a military brat she understood it was a sign of respect. All the red tape Julio had spoken of made sense to her now.

Fiona had Buzz re-rack a portion of the video she believed was significant and walked them through what sent up the red flag for her. Chief Hurley's credentials left no room for doubt, this was not a hate crime but it was a crime, very possibly a murder.

Brenda cocked her head and looked at Fiona, "What exactly do you do for the Army?"

"Intel, ma'am." The one word answer delivered a not so subtle warning. There would be no further questions.

Brenda didn't want to wait until Monday to have the rest of the footage translated, she wanted it now.

"I really need that translation. Isn't there any way it could be done today? Maybe if I talk to your commanding officer…"

Before Fiona could say a word Julio said, "No chief. I'm sorry but that isn't possible. The LAPD had to agree to certain criteria before the Army would allow Chief Hurley to assist us."

"Oh, shoot. I really need this." She clenched her fists and made a face. Brenda hated being told no.

"Sorry chief." He shrugged.

"We'll let you get back to work then. It was nice meeting you chief." Sharon said as she moved to the door.

"Yes, yes of course we'll get out of your hair. Thank yew, so much for your help. Bye now."

"Ma'am." Fiona said with a respectful nod to both ladies.

Julio checked his watch. "We have two hours left."

"You know you don't have to be so strict with the time. I _can_ work longer."

"No, you can't." Julio's tone indicated there would be no further discussion on the subject.

Buzz focused on the equipment in front of him, hoping Detective Sanchez didn't see his grin. Fiona's annoyed exhale had him smiling wider.

/

Brenda walked to the break room too preoccupied thinking about the case to pay attention to the small jab of pain in her abdomen. Absently she rubbed her stomach and continued down the corridor. She retrieved a bottle of water and was about to return to her office when a powerful cramp gripped her stomach taking her breath away. Grateful for the chair nearby she dropped onto it desperate to catch her breath.

She was still for several minute, waiting, breathing and waiting. Standing slowly Brenda stood holding the chair, testing to be sure her legs would hold her. She relaxed, ran her hand over her stomach and thought to herself, _"I'll have to ask Sharon about that."_ The pain forgotten Brenda returned to the murder room.

Flynn didn't look up as she walked past his desk on the way to her office. It was all she could do not to stop and apologize to him. She kept a tight grip on her bag for fear she would reach out just to touch his shoulder as she walked by.

Brenda knew she was thinking like a teenager desperate for the boy she had a crush on to like her. Blaming it on her hormones didn't change the fact that last night had been ungodly long and horribly lonely. How quickly she had gotten used to their nightly phone calls. Even when there were only a few minutes to spare, those calls had become her life line. A life line that she alone was responsible for severing and setting herself adrift.

/

Andy didn't have to look up to know Brenda was in the murder room. He knew the sound of her footsteps, the swish of her dress and the subtle scent of her favorite shampoo. He didn't look up, couldn't look up, for fear he would blurt out the question that was racing through his brain like hamster in a wheel, _did you mean any of it?_

As bad as his heart felt, shouldn't he be bleeding? If he looked at his chest shouldn't there be a gaping hole where his heart had been sliced to pieces before it was ripped from his body?

He wasn't a green kid reeling over his first love. He was a grown man that had had his heart broken and done his fair share of breaking a few hearts as well. But this time things were different, the pain was so much…. More. Maybe this is what losing real love feels like and he would have felt the same with the others if he had been sober? _There are times being sober sucks._


	26. Chapter 26

**There is no such pub as the Celtic Harp in Los Angeles. Sorry it took so long to continue. Thanks for following my fiction. Hope you continue to enjoy the journey.**

Flynn looked around the Harp and shook his head. The place was crowded with family and friends, many he had not seen in years. He was still having a hard time believing that his own sister, sitting with her family at a snug in the corned had not said a word about any of this to him. She glanced at him and grinned when she saw him scowling at her, again. The woman had never been able to keep a secret, ever, but she had managed to keep this one and it was a dozy. Provenza looked over at Flynn and winked. No doubt he sister was giving Provenza an ear full of childhood tails of Flynn the screw up. The next few weeks were not going to be fun.

It was a great party; truly, Aunt Mary had out done herself. The Celtic Harp was one of her favorite places in LA. She had found it the first year Andy had moved to Los Angeles. Being on opposite coasts she worried he would forget his Irish roots and spent weeks going from Irish pub to Irish tavern to bar until she found what she felt was the perfect Irish pub. Everywhere he looked in the Harp he could see her smiling face and hear her soft laugh.

The door of the Harp opened and Andy couldn't help that his heart beat a little harder in anticipation that Brenda would be walking through the door. But it wasn't Brenda but Gabriel making his way over to wish him happy birthday before moving to the bar for a drink.

Andy had told himself again and again the Brenda was married, off limits, whatever had happened between them was best forgotten. He had to find a way to return to his life before that first kiss. And so far the party was offering a light at the end of the tunnel. Surrounded by his boisterous family was making both the loss of Mary and Brenda a little less painful. It also reminded him how nice it would be to be close to them again. As boys, they had been inseparable from the day his cousins had arrived in America. Winter in New York would take some getting used to again, but he could do it, he wasn't a complete wimp.

Sean dropped into the chair next to Andy. "So what's troubling you cousin? I know you live surrounded by the beautiful people but I refuse to believe you're worried about getting another year older."

Flynn was debating talking to him about the idea of moving home. It was on the tip of his tongue when the door opened and petite blonde was coming through the door. Her head was turned away, talking to two women coming in with her.

His heart jumped at the sight of her. All thought of leaving forgotten. Then she turned. It wasn't Brenda. The three ladies walked to a table on the other side of the pub.

How did this happen? How could he get in so deep so fast? He felt like his next breath depended on her walking through the door. How did he end up with so many hours left to fill after work and AA meetings?

"Waiting for anyone in particular?" Sean asked.

Flynn smiled and laughed, "No one in particular."

Sean looked at this cousin and nodded. He gave him a slap on his shoulder, "It's all right Andy. You don't want to talk about it I understand. Just know I'm here. We all are."

Damn, there was no hiding from these people; they could all read him like a book. "You're letting your imagination run wild Sean. I'm just surprised that this shindig remained a secret until yesterday."

"Mary made us swear on threat of death." As soon as the words were out of his mouth Sean regretted it. "Sorry Andy, I…"

"No need Sean. That was our Mary."

"Indeed it was.

The music was lively, a familiar Irish tune had toes tapping and several of the girls ignored the guys and paired off to step dance. Tao and his wife Kathy and Gabriel were seated at the next table. Flynn's niece Molly walked over to Gabriel, "Care to dance?"

"Like that?" he pointed at those on the dance floor. "I can't do that." He said with a laugh.

"It's really not that hard. Uncle Andy can even do it." Three sets of surprised eyes turned to Flynn.

"In my youth," he was quick to say. "The family made us all take lessons."

Mick leaned over from his table to add, "Twas indeed handy. Kept us light on our feet."

"Aye, able to outrun the law." Sean added.

"Or a girl's father." Liam said.

"Or brother." Flynn added. "Mary thought between school, dancing and church there wouldn't be a lot of time for trouble."

All six cousins laughed. Liam said as he raised his glass in salute, "There's always time for trouble, even for an altar boy."

"You were an altar boy?" Gabriel asked without thinking.

Mick was laughing, "We all were."

"So back to my question, care to dance?" Molly asked again.

"Uh, as soon as they play something I can dance to, it would be my pleasure." Gabriel answered.

The door opened and three more people walked in and made their way to towards the three ladies in the corner. Flynn thought as he watched them, they looked like they also were celebrating. All laughing and animated. It took a moment to realize one of the females had a prosthetic hand. As one of the men turned to the waitress he saw the side of his face was severely scared and he also noticed dog tags.

Flynn said a silent pray of thanks that they had gotten home alive. Maybe it was mention of their past as altar boys that made him mindful of the silent action that was a part of him. The thought of going home again intruded. And with it his heart clenched at the thought of never seeing Brenda again. He had let himself believe a dream could be reality, let himself plan for a future together. He's let his heart rule his thinking and now would pay dearly. With a sigh he stared into his empty glass, "I'm getting a refill, you want anything?" he asked no one in particular as he stood.

Mick stood, "I could use a refill." And followed Andy to the bar.

One of the ladies from the group celebrating in the corner was at the bar ordering a Guinness when a picture hanging on the back bar caught her eye. She called over her shoulder to her friends.  
>"Sweeney, O'Donnell, come check this out! You have to see this."<p>

The two ladies she called joined her. With a wag of her head she indicated the picture. Both looked surprised. Before either could comment the bartender said, "Ah, looking at our Rose are ye?"

Sweeney looked puzzled, "Your….. Rose?"

"Aye. Fiona Rose." He said with a proud smile. "She's family."

Andy and Mick looked at the picture in question. There looking back at Andy was a woman in Army class-a's with ribbons and medals covering her chest. A woman whose abilities he had questioned. He deserved the glares and comments; he'd earned them, no doubt about it. She was indeed was one hell of an impressive sight.

"Andy, isn't that the wee lass we meet yesterday at the station?"

"Ah hell." He muttered to himself_. I cannot catch a break._ He glanced heavenward._ Okay Mary, you have my attention. You can stop hitting me over the head now. I hear you, time for that change. _


	27. Chapter 27

**Sorry for the delay. This chapter had many starts, all different. Please share your thoughts.**

"Brenda. Brenda, open your eyes."

Brenda heard her name. Someone was calling her. The thought slipped away and she sank into the darkness again.

"Miss Johnson. Brenda. Open your eyes Brenda. I know it's hard. Come on you, I know you can do it."

The voice was back, louder this time. Brenda tried to do as she was told. It took great effort to open her eyes and even more to keep them open. After several fluttering attempts she succeeded.

"There you are. I knew you could do it. Stay with us Brenda."

Brenda scanned the room, struggling to understand where she was. She couldn't speak, something was stopping her.

The doctor placed a hand on her shoulder to calm her. "Take it easy. You have a breathing tube, it was necessary."

Brenda tried to move, to raise her hand and remove it, but found she was too weak. Her limbs felt like they weighed hundreds of pounds. All she could do was stare at the face bending over her and wait. It was then she heard the beeping of the machines next to the bed. She couldn't see them but had been in enough hospital rooms over the years to know the sound.

Brenda watched the doctor swallow. She fixed her gaze on the doctors face trying to anchor herself to what was happening. Watching the face she saw it was bad news. She tried to remember, had she been shot? She couldn't remember anything_. Tell me, now, what happened? _Her mind screamed. All Brenda could do was whimper. _What, what is it. Tell me. _

"I'm sorry Brenda. There is nothing more we can do. I had hoped that with surgery we would be able to give you a better chance, but it's too late. The cancer got away from us Brenda. If only you had come to me earlier, when I first diagnosed you we would have had a real chance…." The doctor looked away shaking her head. "You had a real chance at life Brenda and you tossed it away. You're not the first patient I've had that procrastinated their way into an early grave, I'll never understand it." She gave Brenda's shoulder a light squeeze. " I've called your husband. He's on his way. You shouldn't feel any pain. I've taken care of it. I know you have questions. No doubt the main one is how long. I don't Brenda. I just don't know."

"_You waited too long. It spread so rapidly, I'm sorry. I never expected this. So sorry" _The doctor's words sliced through the haze of drugs._ NO!_ Her mind screamed as the darkness swallowed her.

"Brenda, honey, I'm here. Can you hear me?" Fritz clasped her hand gently waiting for her to open her eyes and look at him.

It was there again. A voice calling to her in the darkness. Forcing her to leave the cocoon of nothingness she was floating in. Like before opening her eyes took great effort and sapped her of strength. She blinked and the face before her came into focus. Fritz. He looked like he had been crying. _Why_, she wondered., and then it all flooded back to her, _I'm dying._

"I'm here honey. I came as soon as the doctor called. Oh Brenda, how could you do this to us? How could you not tell me? You paid attention to work, to a case, why? Did you think the cancer would magically go away? We could have had a wonderful life together Brenda."

Brenda tried to answer, tried to speak, but she couldn't the tube was still in place breathing for her. And Fritz was getting angrier. But why was he here? Thoughts flitted away and she struggled to pull them back. _Andy… ANDY. Where is Andy? _She loved Andy not Fritz. She wasn't married to Fritz anymore.

"I made arrangements for you to come home. I won't have you dying in this place. I'll take care of you. Whatever time you have left we'll spend together. Just you and me Brenda. That's how it should always have been, just you and me."

This time when the blackness came she welcomed it.

"Miz Johnson open your eyes." The gruff voice commanded.

It was getting easier for Brenda to respond. The drugs must be wearing off she thought as she lifted her heavy lids. She blinked several times before her eyes remained open.

"Ah. There you are. I have come to see for myself if what I have been told is true. After all one hears so many things, who can know for certain what is true and what is false." Hamid stared down at her. He did not look like she remembered. Gone was the bread and his hair was shot with silver. A slow smile pulled at his lips. "So predictable." He tisked as he looked down at her.

"I have been studying you for years, following your career, waiting for the day when I would make you pay for the years you took from me. Had I known of this illness I would have been content to sit and wait. For I know of your nature. You care nothing for the life Allah has blessed you with. You squander it chasing people and destroying their lives. And now karma has decided your fate. It is so glorious, that like a thief in the night this cancer has robbed you of a future. And you allowed this, you welcomed this. Ah so predictable." Hamid chuckled, "Do you not see the poetry? Beautiful, just beautiful."

Brenda was staring, her eyes wide with fear. She was completely helpless. She watched as he reached for the IV attached to the morphine drip. He ran his finger over the line as if caressing it, all the while smiling at her. Then his hand moved to her air supply. Very slowly he folded the tube stopping the air flow. She started to struggle, to fight for air, to live. Ahmid released the tube and her lungs filled with precious oxygen.

Brenda could not hold back the tears that slipped down her cheeks. Her heart was slamming in her chest. She was going to die here, now. Hamid was right, this was her doing. She was going to die and never have the chance to tell Andy she loved him. Hamid tenderly caught a tear on his finger tip. "So beautiful." He said again.

"I thank you Miz Johnson. I thank you for the joy of watching your life flow through your grasp. You have given me a great gift." And with that he pulled the plug, watched her eyes grow wide with terror and laughing walked out of her room.


	28. Chapter 28

Fiona fussed with her blouse again. She knew it looked fine and all the tugging and pulling wouldn't change her appearance. But she was nervous; it had been a long time since she had gone out for an evening with friends and not knowing where they were going ratcheted up her stress level. She was late getting home to get ready and the pain in her shoulder was forcing her to move slower than she wanted to. Fiona had pushed too hard with her work out and was now paying the price.

Glancing at the prescription bottle on her dresser as another sharp pain tore through her shoulder and back was a harsh reminder of her current reality. Fiona reached for the bottle while telling herself, _"This is temporary. I'm going to get through it." _ She popped two of the powerful pills into her mouth and dropped the bottle into her purse_. "No drinks for you tonight."_

Fiona walked into the kitchen and braced for her mother's reaction. Maria Consuelo did not disappoint, "Oh mi hija, you look so pretty." In her excitement to see Fiona dressed for a night out with friends, Maria threw her arms around her and hugged tightly. Fiona bit back a gasp. Maria had been treating her with kid gloves since her return home, afraid to so much as touch her, fearing causing her pain. It felt too good to be in her mother's arms again, she had missed this simple act so much.

Roberto could hear his tía and abuela talking. He closed the note book and shoved it behind his night stand. He walked to his door and looked again at the night stand where he had hidden the slim note book holding his translation from the men at the jewelry store. He felt sick each time he thought about the shooting. He knew he should tell his aunt but was afraid of her reaction or that she would get hurt again. Better he stays quiet and waits. Roberto slumped onto his bed. He rubbed his stomach hoping the ache would go away. Maybe he could tell Julio. The thought of seeing Julio made him feel better. But Julio might tell tía. No, he had to wait. With a heavy sign he put his worries aside and went out to see what had his abuela so excited.

"You look nice Tia are you going on a date? WithJulio?" He asked excitedly.

"_Julio_?"

"I mean… Detective Sanchez."

Fiona smiled, "Much better. And no I am not going on a date with Detective Sanchez."

"But why not he likes you? I bet he would like to go on a date with you and take you dancing. You danced with him at your party", before she could get a word in Roberto rushed on, "And you had fun, you said so, you smiled and he made you laugh. And you said he was good dancer. And you are friends now aren't you. You work together now. And he needs you… I mean the police, they need you."

"I said that?"

Maria and Roberto nodded in unison. He took a breath ready to continue when she stopped him.

"Berto, enough." Fiona ran her fingers through his hair and lifted his chin to look into his soft brown eyes. Her heart clenched again at the memory of what he had been through. "Yes we are friends. And yes I am helping the LAPD with this case. But I am not dating Detective Sanchez. I am going out with a group of my friends. A group, this is not a date. Do you understand?"

He looked so crushed she had to hide her smile. Her little Berto was turning into a match maker. The knock on the front door came just in time. "There's my ride." Kissing his cheek she gave him a hard squeeze, "I love you. Have fun you two and no waiting up."

The door opened and Flynn couldn't stop himself from looking. He also couldn't stop the slight ache in his heart when he saw it was Julio and not Brenda. Julio waved as he ordered a beer before continuing on to the table.

"Happy birthday Andy." He said as he sat at the next table.

"Thanks Julio. Hope you brought an appetite there is tons of food in the next room."

"Tao, nice to see you Kathy. Hey Buzz."

Flynn looked around as his family and friends fell into easy conversation. The door opened and the process began again. His heart lurched and sank when the person entering wasn't Brenda.

With a booming voice the woman announced, "I'll have a Guinness barkeep and soon lively tunes. I'm here to dance my legs off."

"Here you are lass." He passed her the drink with a grin "Um don't you mean dance your feet off?"

"Not tonight." Pulling up her pant leg revealing her prosthetic leg she said "Just got this. Told the doc I needed a leg for dancing. Here to see if he got it right." As she turned to join the group in the corner she spied Julio.

Julio was already on his feet. "Hey East Los fancy seeing you here. Check it out," she showed off the leg, "I'll be taking it for a test run later. I've seen your moves, now you'll see mine."

"O'Neil, good to see you. You're on. Nice paint job. _Fighting Irish."_ Julio grinned, "You want pin striping to go with that I got the guy. I'll hook you up, just let me know."

"Will do. Where's the Chief?"

Sanchez frowned before he realized she wasn't taking about Chief Johnson but Chief Hurley. "It's a birthday party for Lt. Flynn."

Kathy looked down at the painted limb and swallowed hard. Tao squeezed her hand lovingly. She smiled warmly when Julio made the introductions.

"Nice to meet all of you. I mean it East Los, you and me, dance floor, later."

"You're on."

Fiona looked at the door to the Harp. Of all the places her friends could have picked, they had chosen the Harp. What are the odds? "Come on Hurley, shake a leg. I'd like to have at least one Guinness tonight."

"Trust me Danny; you have no worries on that front." With a sigh and a grin Fiona opened the door and walked straight into her cousin's arms and a barrage of questions.

"You own an Irish pub and didn't tell us?" was the question of the night.

"As it is the policy of this establishment we will no longer be able to accept your money. Comrades of our Wee Rose do not pay for drinks."

"And that is why I've not said a word." Turning to her cousin she scolded, "You cannot give away the pub. I can pay, we can pay."

"Da won't hear of it. You've earned it, they've earned it." He kissed her brow and as far as Liam was concerned the conversation was over. "Now hald your wist and tell me what you'll be havin."

"Chief, you'll never guess who's here. Your cop." O'Neil said.

"What? My cop? Who…?" before she could finish the question she heard.

"Evening Ma'am." Fiona looked up into the smiling brown eyes of Detective Julio Sanchez…she felt a flutter in her stomach that moved quickly to her heart…. her cop.


	29. Chapter 29

**Had a difficult time deciding Brenda's path. It has taken several odd turns. Thanks for hanging in there. Julio's life has also been going through some changes. I welcome your input. **

Each time the door of the Harp opened Flynn held his breath. Each time his heart sank a bit more when he didn't see her coming through the door. And each time he reminded himself Brenda wasn't single, wasn't free to love him and everything he had allowed himself to feel and dream about in the end amounted to nothing but a dream.

* * *

><p>Brenda eyes filled with terror as she watch Hamid smile and walk out of the now silent room. NO her mind screamed, NO! She summoned every ounce of her remaining strength and ordered her arms to move. Please … With a violent jerk her muscles responded and she clawed at her face.<p>

Brenda jackknifed up off the couch where she had fallen asleep. Her heart thundered in her chest as the bits and pieces of the nightmare faded. Throwing her arm out to catch herself before falling to the floor, she hit her black bag sending it tumbling off the table and scattering everything it contained across the floor.

She sat gripping the edge of the couch. Her breathing sounded harsh in her ears as if she had been running. Blinking, trying to clear her mind, she looked around the room, remembering where she was, not a hospital bed but the jail that was now her home. The safe house. She snorted, not safe from her nightmares.

Forcing her muscles to relax, Brenda leaned back and closed her eyes. Little by little the tension drained from her body leaving her feeling weak and foolish. The images from her dream were lost to her. All that remained was the sick feeling her life was out of her control…. because of her own actions. Taking another deep calming breath she corrected herself. It wasn't her actions rather it was her refusal to take any action, to take control that had landed her where she now found herself.

Crawling over to pile of items spread across the floor she reached for the invitation to Flynn's party. Holding the invitation her attention was drawn to another envelope. She frowned at the envelope not remembering when she had put it in her purse. Flipping it over Fritz's hand writing leaped out at her.

Brenda tore it open. Dumping the papers on the floor where she sat, her head spinning as she read the note he had included.

'_Brenda, honey, I'm sorry. This is not what I want. I was desperate and thought I could force you to sit down and talk. Force you to put us first for a change, put me first. I love you. I tore up the papers. We can fix this baby, I know we can. Call me. I love you, Fritz.'_

They weren't divorced? He didn't file? Why was he doing this to her? The questions bounced around in her head. With trembling hands she picked up the signed divorce papers that Fritz had torn neatly in half.

* * *

><p>"Detective Sanchez!" Fiona felt her cheeks heat.<p>

"It's Julio." He said with a smile as he reached for her hand. "Dance with me."

She smiled and followed him out onto the floor. The tune was slow and sweet. Julio held her close inhaling her scent and loving it. He was suddenly grateful for the jewelry store shooting that brought her into his life. Before the tune was over the floor was full and it was one big party.

Provenza was telling wild stories to two female soldiers; Mick was helping Caitlin O'Neil try out her dancing leg. Gabriel was dancing with Sweeny since it wasn't a jig and he thought he wouldn't embarrass himself and Tao was enjoying dancing with his wife Kathy while Buzz danced with Flynn's niece Molly.

The door open and Flynn couldn't stop himself from being hopeful, but the woman walking in was Capt. Sharon Raydor not Brenda. She made her way to Flynn's table, with a bit of a shout she said, "Happy birthday Andy." Sean and Patrick were on their feet both holding a chair for her.

"So happy you could join us Capt." Patrick winked at Sean when she took the chair he offered.

"Please call me Sharon."

"Sharon it is. What can I get you lass?"

"Jameson Limited Reserve, neat."

"Well ow I knew the first time I laid eyes on you, you had taste." Patrick grinned and disappeared into the crowd.

Flynn just rolled his eyes. His cousins were famous for pouring on the Irish when they were out to impress a woman.

* * *

><p>Brenda placed the papers on the table and took several deep breaths in an attempt to settle her mind enough to think. But the only thought that was clear was, <em>I have to end this. I have to end this now. <em>But how? Who did she know that handled this kind of craziness? Crazy, that was the word for it. Crazy, her life had turned into one.. big.. crazy.. mess!

Still sitting on the floor she collapsed against the couch. Her stomach was cramping again. Was it any wonder? Brenda felt like she had been in a street fight, her muscles were knotted, her head was pounding and she was drenched in sweat. Swiping at the tears on her cheeks she reached for her phone praying one of the names would help spark a plan.

Brenda hadn't gotten far, only to the B's when she stopped. More tears poured down her face. _Am I really this desperate? _Another hard cramp hit her. Rubbing her stomach and sobbing she said aloud, "Yes I'm this desperate." It would be another half hour before Brenda had enough control over her emotions to dial the number.

"Tom Blanchard, to whom am I speaking?"


	30. Chapter 30

It was Saturday night in Hollywood and Stk was one place celebrities were sure to be seen. It was also one of the places Tom Blanchard liked to dine. He could see most of the tables from his prime location and most of the tables could see him. He sipped his wine and nodded at the young starlet waving from across the restaurant. He was dining alone tonight, something he needed in his high stress position.

Another client had stopped by his table to say hello when his phone rang. He puzzled over the number, it didn't look familiar. "Good to see you Gordon. I have to take this." He waved the phone and turned his attention to what he knew would be business.

"Tom Blanchard, to whom am I speaking?"

Brenda paused.

"I know you're there… I can hear you breathing."

"Hello Mr. Blanchard, this is Dep…"

"Oh my, my my, if it isn't Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson."

She could hear the smile in his voice and picture his smarmy expression, she wanted to hang up. But she couldn't, she needed to talk to a lawyer and right now that meant she needed to talk to Tom Blanchard.

"Is the LAPD offering a new service to those high profile citizens you suspect of murder Chief Johnson? Are you calling to inform me you believe one of my clients has committed something dastardly deed?"

"No." She ground out as she paced her living room. _Why does this man have to be such an ass?_

"I'm intrigued Chief Johnson." He smiled and nodded as another famous face walked by the table. "Could it be you need me to represent you again?" He asked with a laugh.

Silence.

Tom dropped the joking voice and asked quietly, "Chief Johnson _are_ you calling because you find yourself in need of my services?"

Staring at the torn documents on the table she closed her eyes and said simply, "Yes, I think I do."

"Tell me where you are. I'm on my way."

"But it's Saturday night." She suddenly panicked. "No, no it can wait, y'all don't need to drop what you're doing."

"Chief Johnson, you called me on a Saturday night because you feel whatever has happened is important, important enough to need an attorney. Believe it or not I trust your judgment. So give me your address and I will see you shortly."

Brenda dropped the phone on the couch. Blanchard knew she hadn't hung up he could hear what he assumed was her muttering. How he wished he could be a fly on the wall. Taking a deep breath Brenda forced the address through her lips. "Thank yew Mr. Blanchard. Thank yew so very much."

Dropping the phone on the couch again Brenda continued to pace the apartment several more minutes. _Tom Blanchard, what the hell was I thinking?_ She looked down at what she had on and made a dash for the bedroom. The last thing she needed was for _Tom Blanchard_ to see her like this…

* * *

><p>Blanchard parked in front of the nondescript building. He knew police officers didn't receive lavish salaries, but this was a bit of a surprise. Little did Blanchard know how many surprises awaited him tonight. Surprise number two was the buildings door man.<p>

"Can I help you?" The man standing behind the counter asked.

"Good evening, uh yes. You can tell me where I might find Deputy Chief Johnson's apartment?"

"Greenland." He said with a straight face.

"I beg your pardon, did you say Greenland?"

"Yes. You asked where you _might_ find it. You_ might_ find it in Greenland."

Blanchard gave him his best toothy, 'do you know who I am', smile. "My mistake. I failed to realize it was open mike night at the front desk. Please direct me to Chief Johnson's apartment."

"Name?" The request came from a second man sitting at a computer.

"Tom Blanchard." He watched as the man typed it in and shook his head.

"You're not on the list." The first man said flatly. Blanchard pegged him as a man without a sense of humor, but one that could easily break him in two without any real effort.

"Chief Johnson is expecting me." As offended as Tom was he couldn't help being impressed with the security. He made a mental note to look into availability. He had a few very particular clients that would pay dearly for a place like this. When neither man budged he added, "I'm her attorney."

"ID." The man, Tom noticed neither wore name plates, held out his hand.

Another surprise came when the man actually inspected his driver's license. He got the first uncomfortable feeling of the night and took another look at the lobby.

* * *

><p>"Evening Chief Johnson, Sims here. Are you expecting anyone?"<p>

"Yes, my attorney. Tom Blanchard."

"What does he look like?"

"Tall, white, medium build, black hair, big toothy grin, Hollywood tan. Wouldn't be surprised if it was makeup. Oh and he thinks he's a gift to the legal profession."

"Thank you. He will be up shortly."

* * *

><p>Both men were fighting back gins but no one had said anything. Tom realized they both had ear pieces. He saw a couple cameras and wondered how many he didn't see. He was definitely on a security screen somewhere. Another tingle went up his spine. There were at least three men keeping watch on this building, what the hell was up?<p>

"532. She's expecting you."

* * *

><p>"Evening Chief Johnson."<p>

"Mr. Blanchard."

"Please call me Tom." He noticed she didn't make the same offer.

"Please come in. Thank you for coming. It wasn't necessary; it could have waiting until Monday." She managed a small smile and resisted the urge to squirm.

"But my calendar is full and free now. And I have to admit getting your call" He shrugged, "I think the curiosity would be too much."

"Can I get you something to drink? I have…." Brenda looked towards the kitchen with a frown. "Coffee?"

"Thank you but no, I'm fine. Now why don't we sit down and you can tell me why you need _me_."

Brenda sat and said simply, "I need you to file these papers for me." She handed him the torn documents.

"These are divorce papers. I hadn't heard you had married." He read the names listed. "I see you didn't take your husband's name." holding the two halves he asked, 'Did you do this, why?"

Brenda was pacing. "Fritz did that. Fritz had the papers drawn up and he signed them and then…." The entire story poured out. Fritz not calling for months, taking another job, having an affair, the papers, everything, once she started she couldn't seem to stop.

Tom watched her with a trained eye. He saw the shadows under her eyes and her pale complexion. He thought again about this build, the security and asked, "Chief Johnson I know as a police officer you deal with this kind of situation a lot, but I have to ask, do you have a restraining order in place against Mr. Howard?"

That stopped her, "What?"

"Do you have a restraining order against him?"

"No." Brenda looked at Tom. His demeanor had changed. He was serious and focused on her answer.

"Do you need one? A badge doesn't stop domestic violence."

"No." She said quietly. "No I don't need one. Fritz would never hurt me. Well not physically."

"Then what else is going on Brenda? Any attorney could handle this for you, why did you call me? Why are you living in a fortress? With excellent security I might add."

"I can't tell you." A sharp pain tore through her abdomen and she rubbed it away.

"But Brenda I'm your attorney, you can tell me anything, it's confidential."

"No, it's classified."

It's classified, that's what she said the last time he had represented her. Then she was talking about her past. He had done his homework and knew she had been referring to the CIA. Whatever was going on now was very much in the present.

"Okay, okay. Please sit down Brenda. Are you feeling alright? "

"Yes, I'm fine. Thank yew." Brenda sat and tried to relax. _Good lord life is strange, I have Tom Blanchard sitting my house and I asked him here._

He reached for the papers and began to read through them. Taking out a pen he began making note, scratching out some lines and notating others.

"So you will file those for me?"

"Yes. Of course I will be making some changes; you couldn't have read these and signed."

"I didn't really. I was so angry I would have signed anything."

"And you did." Tom held up the papers.

"He can have whatever he wants as long as I keep Kitty."

Tom looked up, "Kitty?"

"My cat." Brenda pointed to the picture on the table.

"I'll make a note. So does he have the cat now?"

She was frowning at him again. "No, Kitty is right here." Pointing to the table again.

Tom glanced under the table, he was sure if there was cat here he would have seen it.

Brenda reached forward and grabbed the glass jar. "This is Kitty."

Tom paused, with a neutral expression, he said," Ah, Kitty is your dead cat."

"Yes." She gritted her teeth. "He can have Joel."

"So Joel is Mr. Howard's dead cat?"

"Oh for heaven sake, Joel isn't dead. He is perfectly fine. But I don't want him, I want Kitty."

Tom resisted the urge to raise his eyes brows, and simply said, "Making a note."

"Thank yew, thank yew so very much."

"Are you sure there is nothing else I can do for you Brenda?"

"Yes, very sure." She stood to walk him to the door but doubled over from the pain in her belly.

Tom caught and eased her down onto the couch. "Easy. Try to relax. Take a breath. What is it Brenda, what's wrong?"

The pain passed and she went limp against Tom. "I think there is something wrong with the baby."

_Baby?_ "BABY!" He couldn't help raising his voice.

"Yes, BABY." Brenda yelled back.

"You didn't mention a baby. I asked if there was anything else Brenda. A baby would fall into that category of 'anything else'." _This woman is impossible. Dead cat she worries about, baby she doesn't say a word._

The image of Will Pope popped into his head. "Okay, these things happen. We're all adults here."

"What on earth are you talking about?"

"Brenda is someone else the father? Is that why you have no mention of her, uh him, it? Does your husband know?"

A tear slipped down her cheek. "No he doesn't know. And yes he is the father. I tried to tell him, I called and called, but he never called me back." Brenda was sobbing and she hated it but there was nothing she could do, the tears just kept coming. Tom sat next to her, doing his best to sooth her. "I tried, really I did. You have to believe me. But now it's over and I have to deal with everything my self."

"Hush now Brenda. I believe you. I'm sorry I yelled. We don't need to talk about this now."

She mumbled something he couldn't understand.

"Okay Brenda I'm giving you a choice, either I call 911 or I drive you to the hospital."

_Time to deal with your life Brenda Leigh, whether you like it or not. _ "You can call 911. You don't need to…" Another pain cut off her breath.

"Purse, where is your purse?" She pointed to her black bag. This was first for Tom. In his years in Hollywood he had handles a truck load of crazy. But life and death was not his area of expertise. He told himself over and over, _Stay calm,_ _stay calm, you can do this._ He tucked the papers in his coat pocket grabbed her purse and scooped her up off the couch.

There was a delay in her protest, "I can walk."

Tom appreciated the attempt. "Yes, I know, I remember. I particularly enjoy watching you sashay away. And later you can show off those impressive skills. But right now I am calling the shots."

"And I'm sure you just love that." She huffed adding, "Fine."

"I do enjoy it. Thank you, I know that was hard for you. Now try to relax and enjoy the service." There was the feisty Brenda Johnson he remembered.

They exited the elevator to guns drawn. "She needs to go to the hospital." He was surprised no one protested. Instead they were lead out a side door to a waiting SUV complete with driver and armed guards. It was an impressive way to travel but one he hoped never to experience again. Give him self-centered stars living in a make believe world every day of the week. It came as a surprise to learn there were some hard limits in his life. And he had just come face to face with a big one. Dragging a shacking hand over his face he accepted he would never be as tough as she is. _You are one tough cookie Brenda Leigh_._ Please don't crumble on me now._


	31. Chapter 31

_**Thanks for your interest. This is the first story I have ever written let alone posted for others to read. I welcome your input and love the comments.**_

Sharon and Kathy laughed at a story Liam was telling about Flynn as a boy. Sharon glanced across the table at Andy; he hung his head in that now familiar way he had that screamed _Guilty and Busted _at the same time. Sharon wasn't surprised to learn Andy had been trying to work the angles since childhood. Heaven only knows how he escaped prison and landed on the right side of the law, because she had no idea.

Provenza tapped Sharon on the shoulder. She looked up, surprised to see him holding out his hand, "Come on _Sharon_, it's a party. Dance?" She accepted happily. Sharon had no expectations that when Monday morning rolled around she would be one of the squad, but for tonight they were all one big family.

The door open but this time when Andy looked his heart didn't drop as it had all the other time, he accepted Brenda wasn't coming. Or maybe there was nowhere for it to fall. Three men walked up to the bar and ordered their drinks. After a moment Andy lost interest and turned his attention back to the dance floor. The music changed and Sharon was making her escape back to her chair next to Kathy. Patrick leaned over to Andy asking, "When were you going to tell us Julio got married?"

"What? He's not married, what are you….?" Everyone turned to watch the couple on the dance floor and stared. Sanchez and Fiona were dancing to Flo Rider's Wild One. Kathy's mouth fell open and Tao was kind enough reach over and close it.

After a moment Buzz asked, "Should we be watching them like this?" but never took his eyes off them.

"Oh for Pete sake Buzz, stop trying to suck up to Raydor, we're not on duty here." Provenza grumbled.

"That's called a hip isolation." Caitlin offered.

"A hip what?" Kathy asked, mesmerized by Fiona's movements.

"A hip isolation. She is one hell of a belly dancer. All those years living in the Middle East. Of course East Los isn't too shabby either; he has some great moves of his own." Caitlin said.

Fiona leaned back into Julio. He had his hands on her hips, her right hand raised; she stroked the back of his neck.

"East Los?" Andy asked.

Sharon's brows rose, "Yes he does."

Caitlin grinned. "That's just what we started calling him after Fiona's PGR Welcome Home."

Andy wanted to question her more but Mike's next comment distracted him and the rest of the men at the table.

"Belly dancing huh?" Mike said. Kathy looked at him with a raised brow. "Did I say that out loud?" Kathy waved her hand dismissing her husband and turned back to the couple on the dance floor.

It was obvious to everyone that the object of their interest had eyes only for each other. Provenza reached for his wallet and pulled out a twenty, slapping it down on the table he said, "They are not married _yet_. But I have twenty that says it won't be long."

"How long?" Tao reach for his wallet and added his twenty to Provenza's. "Mike, are you _betting_ on Julio and Fiona?" Kathy looked at her husband, waiting for an answer.

"Um… well…."

Before he could answer Sharon pulled out a twenty, "I'm in. I say engaged in December and married by…." She started counting, "They'll have classes and bands read…March."

Gabriel walked back to the table with two plates piled high with food, pausing he looked at the money then at the squad. "So what are you betting on this time?"

Provenza scowled "Get out of the way David. You're blocking our view." Waving him out of the way.

"View?"

"Just sit down and open your eyes. You claim to be a detective. Look around, you should be able to figure it out." David turned to look and Provenza grabbed one of the plates, "Thanks, now sit down."

"Hey!" Provenza growled in response. David pulled up a chair at the next table and followed the direction of their collective attention. "When did that happen?"

More money landed on the table and dates were chosen. Kathy watched the couple then pulled a small calendar and pen from her purse. "If we are going to do this right we need to write it down." After putting down everyone's dates she pulled out her own bet. "I want November and Jan. I don't see Julio waiting. He has been alone a long time. If she's the one he isn't going to waste any time."

Andy looked at the pile of bills, "Who's holding the pot?"

The music stopped as Provenza gathered it up and handed it to Buzz. "Now not a word of this to Sanchez from any of you, I mean it." Jabbing his finger at the group to emphasize he meant business.

Julio and Fiona approached the table. "So what are you betting on this time?" Julio asked.

"Flynn." Provenza said without hesitation.

"Which Flynn?" Julio scanned the group as he pulled out a chair at Gabriel's table for Fiona. He took a small corned beef slider off Gabriel's plate for Fiona and one for himself. After a bite he said, "Hey these are good."

"I wouldn't know." Gabriel looked from Provenza to Sanchez to the empty plates. And with a sigh got up to get more food.

"Andy of course."

"Me, why me, what did I do?"

"Do you ever pay attention? You haven't done anything… _yet_." Provenza was enjoying himself, annoying Flynn had always been a job perk. "Your family claims you can do all that hopping around dancing. I'm betting you can't."

Sharon couldn't resist rolling her eyes. Watching Provenza work was both entertaining and disturbing. He was so good at this. She wasn't going to let herself think of how many lies had passed his lips over the years and she had accepted them as truth.

Andy felt the need to shake head. Had he really missed that? "Oh a, I never said…..Oh no, no, no it's been too many years." Everyone was laughing none louder that his family. Sean and Patrick's wives winked and his niece Molly couldn't wait to add fuel to the fire. Mick was the worst of all.

Andy glared at Mick, before he had the chance to tell his cousin to go to hell, Mick turned to Caitlin, "Ready for another go on the floor? They're playing our song."

She listened; it was a Norah Jones tune, soft and slow. "'Don't Know Why', is our song? My, my, my you do move fast don't you? This wasn't covered in basic training." Mick flashed a wicked grin and winked. She was laughing as they moved to the floor. Mick was a big man and held her easily as she relaxed and they moved smoothly across the floor.

* * *

><p>The three men at the bar stood sipping their drinks and watching the crowd. No one paid them any mind as their assessing gaze move from one woman to the next as if searching for one in particular.<p>

"How are you lads doing?" Liam wiped the bar and nodded at the empty glass. "Can I get you another?"

"Make it a Guinness this time." The man put his money on the bar and turned back to the crowd, his attention fixed on a thin blond woman that had just walked in alone.


	32. Chapter 32

The car stopped at the back entrance to the hospital and before Tom could do more than blink the doors were open and Brenda was being lifted out. He scrambled out and was about to follow but was stopped by a very large hard man.

"We'll take it from here. You can go."

"Go? But I'm her lawyer." The words sounded silly even to him. Tom looked around, feeling unsteady and out of his milieu. Brenda had disappeared down a corridor before his brain began to function and he realized he would have to call a cab since his car was parked at her apartment.

"If she needs you she'll call. You need to go."

"But my car…"

"Is right there." The man in black pointed to Toms precious Bentley.

"How?" Slipped out of his mouth. He thought better of perusing the matter. These were the kind of people no one should mess with. His brain took off on its own, speculating about Brenda and her time at the CIA. With a shake of his head he stopped the direction of his thoughts. He made his way to his car anxious to get home to a stiff shot of scotch.

"Blanchard."

Tom tuned, surprised the man was so close.

"You said you're her lawyer."

"Yes."

"Not a word to anyone."

"Well of course…."Tom was feeling insulted, his clientele were the cream of Hollywood. They all trusted him with their darkest secrets.

"No one. No office staff, assistant, secretary, no one. Understand?" The agent watched as the color drained from behind the spray on tan. His point had been made but he waited for confirmation, enjoying the other man's discomfort.

He swallowed hard and hoped his voice sounded steady. "Yes, I understand." Starting the engine Tom decided a shot was not going to be enough…. A bottle might not be enough. He tightened his grip on the wheel determined to stop the shaking in his hands and headed home. He would take care of Chief Johnson's divorce papers and pray she never have need of his services again. Give him the world of inflated egos, ridiculous money and make believe any day over the real world. He wasn't cut out for this life and death stuff. It didn't pay enough.

Roberto sat curled up on his bed. He eyed the covered window but was too frightened to look out and see why the dogs next door were barking. It was dark outside and every noise made him jump. He hugged his note book to his chest and tried to think what he should do.

Pulling his eyes from the window he looked at the clock, ten thirty, his tía wouldn't be home for hours. The knot in his stomach grew. His chin wobbled but he tightened his jaw, telling himself, _'I have to be strong.' _There had to be a way of telling the detectives what he knows and not let tía Rosy know.

Opening the note book, Berto read again what he had remembered from the jewelry store shooting. He had worked hard to translate everything the store owners were saying. They were bad men and should be punished, but he had waited too long. At first he was too frightened they knew he could understand Arabic and since they had his home address they would be able to find him and his family. But they didn't come.

Then he was worried if he said anything his tía would get involved and the bad dreams would come back, so he said nothing. But the police had asked for her help and she had been working with them for days. And the bad dreams had come back anyway. He could hear her late at night cry out in her sleep. Then she would wake up and cry real, but he could still hear her. Berto had tried to think of a way to make her feel better and tried to think of a way to make the bad dreams stop, but he couldn't.

Once she was working with the police he was frightened she would be there when the police went to get the bad men and she would get shot again. He wanted to keep her safe but didn't know how. He was the man of the house and it was his job, but he didn't know how to do it.

So far the only thing he had done right was invite Detective Sanchez to tías welcome home party. Maybe if he waited Julio will fall in love with his tía and he marries her and makes her stay home. She could have a baby. Then she would be safe. She wouldn't work so hard to go back to war and she wouldn't cry anymore.

A loud thump against the side of the house jerked Roberto from his thoughts and sent his heart slamming in his chest. He was going to have to tell what he knew. Looking around the room he had come to love as he struggled to push the terror away. He was going to jail for lying to the police and for hiding evidence. This was going to make his abuela very sad. A tear slid down his cheek. She was very old and Roberto know sometimes being sad could kill old people. What if this killed her?

And his tía would be disappointed that he turned out bad. Julio would not be his friend anymore either. Another loud thump had Roberto curled up into a tighter ball on the bed. He tucked the book under his pillow and settled into wait. Tonight he would tell his tía everything. Tonight he would break her heart.

The three men stood at the bar sipping their drinks. "Looks like you have a pretty wild party." One said as he reached for the beer Liam as he placed on the bar.

"Not so wild. Just your typical Irish family gathering. Can I get you fellows anything else?"

"No, thanks, we're good." Each man scanned a different section of the bar, eyes skipping from one blond to the next. The woman that had come through the door was not the one they were looking for. They quietly moved to a table in the corner, sat, sipped, watched and waited.


	33. Chapter 33

Hamid stood, staring, blind to the lights of the city that stretched out below his penthouse apartment. He had but one focus, the utter annihilation of the sole person that had destroyed his world. Brenda Leigh Johnson had taken everything from him. Twenty years caged, twenty years rotting in a filthy cell. Force to obey as if he were an animal. _"I lived in palaces and she put me in a cage not fit for dogs."_ He thought as he remembered again all he she had taken from him.

Armies of ruthless men had followed his orders forcing village after village to fall to his control. The world's militants came to him, Hamid, for the best weapons. _He_ ruled countries, not the weak men posing as leaders. Powerful world banks were greedy for his business; their vaults bulged at the seams from the billions of dollars he controlled.

Hamid lay in bed at night not sleeping but imagining of the ways she would pay. He visualized of the sound of her screams and smiled. Of her life's blood draining slowly from her body, death by a thousand cuts, of her knowing she was dying and signed with pleasure.

The world had changed dramatically in the twenty years. Democracy was pushing into the middle east. Countries had split apart, borders had moved, alliances changed. His followers had moved on and forgotten him. He was looked upon as a powerless old man. Religious extremists have taken over. Very little of his wealth remained. Twenty years of isolation had left him ignorant of the new technology that now rules the world. He was left fumbling and blind in a world he didn't recognize.

Turning away from the window, he moved the sofa and sat. Spread on the table before him were reports of failures. Closes calls, missed opportunities, failure after failure. The woman still lived. Acid churned in his belly. '_The woman still lived' _he thought again and again. A mere female was at the root of all he had lost. A female, not a powerful advisory had fouled his world. His jailers had made sure he knew a female was responsible for his imprisonment. _A female. _His hatredhad grown, filling every cell in his body. She would pay and the world would fear him again.


	34. Chapter 34

**I know this is building slowly. Though I had not intended it come to near stop! Thanks for hanging in there. Love to hear what you think.**

The door opened, catching the attention of none but a select few. Andy felt his pulse leap, again, his heart fall, again, when he saw a man walk up to the bar. He shifted his focus to the couples dancing. The birthday party had morphed into a night of celebration for more than Andy. As he watched Fiona and her fellow soldiers laughing and dancing he knew he owed her an apology. The trick would be giving it without Provenza sticking his two cents in.

A plate of corned beef sliders was set down on the table in front of him. "Andy you should try these, they're really good." Sharon said as took one and bit in with a smile.

Provenza called from the next table, "Doesn't eat meat." He grinned and took two, "Which is fine by me. Leaves more for the rest of us. And you're right Captain, these are good."

David frowned at the bare plate and grumbled, "I wouldn't know anything about that. That is the third plate I've gotten and you people have picked it clean before I got a chance to even taste them."

"You people? Who you callin 'you people?" Provenza asked.

"You! All of you. You see food and you swarm in like a plague of locust. Now I am going to get ANOTHER plate of food and I don't want anyone reaching for anything." David stood and informed them all.

Provenza responded with a snort. "What are you going to do, shoot me?"

"We're in a bar Lt., you know I don't have my gun on me." David answered and quietly enjoyed the raised eye brows and he walked away.

The stories had started, few fit for young or delicate ears. Between cops and soldiers there wasn't a shortage of grizzly tails and all brought laughs. And no matter how bloody, no one paused in their eating. _Go figure,_ Andy thought.

The three men in the corner nursed their drinks and kept a close eye on the party. But not so close as to be noticed.

"Can I get you another?" Liam asked the lone man at the bar as he set a plate of food in front of his. He was easy to overlook since he hadn't moved since coming through the door. But Liam was not about to ignore one of his customers.

"Another of the same, thanks." He said as he passed his empty glass across the bar and nodded his thanks for the food.

The Bruno Mars song Grenade began playing and the room erupted with impromptu karaoke. As soon as Caitlin sang the verse "I'd catch a grenade for ya." The competition was on.

One yelled out "Throw my hand on a blade for ya."

Fiona added "I'd take an RPG for ya."

"Jump in front of a sniper for ya."

Julio sang off key to Provenza, "I take a bullet for ya."

"I'd eject from a plane for ya."

Sharon nudged Andy adding, "He'd fall on a blade for ya"

All sang out "Take a bullet in the brain for ya."

It wasn't the best singing but it was the loudest most enthusiastic the squad had heard in a long time if not ever. It was also reason for another round of drinks for everyone.

Julio took a seat and Fiona sat on his lap as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Kathy and Sharon exchanged looks and Mike slip the marriage pool off the table. He passed it to Kathy and she tucked it into her purse.

Seam moved his chair closed to Sharon's, "Never officially thanked you for letting us know about Andy. Your call did wonders for Mary, calmed her right down."

Sharon felt Andy's hard gaze but refused to make eye contact. "It really wasn't a big deal Sean. Forget about it, I had until you mentioned it."

"What call?" Andy asked.

"You can say that all you like, but none of us will be forgetting your kindness."

"What call?" Andy said a little louder.

When it was clear he wasn't going to get an answer from Sharon he tapped Sean on the shoulder. "What call Sean?"

"A few years back, when you go knifed in the parking lot. This sweet lass called the family to let us know you were going to be okay."

"Sweet lass?" Andy all but growled.

"Indeed she was."

"You called my family? Funny I don't remember being asked permission to contact my family." He was being an ass, no doubt about it. But he'd been feeling like shit all night, he had a bad feeling that something was wrong and it was miracle he was still here, and now he had a target for his temper.

Sharon felt his anger and a part of her understood. It wasn't like they were friends. As far as he was concerned she was the enemy. Funny how that had slipped her mind earlier. _Well it had been fun while it lasted_, she thought as she reached for her purse.

"Apologize boyo. You're out of line." Liam told him.

"Oh a, since when do you tell me what to do?"

"Since you're being a horse's ass. If not for her call, you would have had the whole lot of us here crowding you hospital room."

Andy scowled and snorted.

"It made the national news Andy. Mary was terrified you were going ta die." Connor informed him.

"I… I didn't know. No one said anything."

"We was all fool enough ta wait for you ta tell us you feckin eejit." Connor bit out. His brogue always got thick when he was pissed and Andy always had a way of pissing him off.

Andy took a deep breath and scanned the faces around him, his family. In his eyes his family had always included the squad and to his surprise tonight had grown by one more, Captain Sharon Raydor. Who would believe it?

"I can admit when I'm wrong." That drew some laughs from those around him. "Hey I can, it just doesn't happen often. Thanks Sharon that was real thoughtful of you."

"Yes it was. But don't worry Lt. it won't happen again." She reassured him adding a pat on the arm for good measure.

Andy realized this had just made his decision that much harder. An hour ago he was certain moving back to New York would be for the best, now he wasn't so sure. Heaving a heavy sigh he swirled the ice in his cranberry juice and wondered again what Brenda was doing.

Sharon elbowed him, "Come on and dance with me Andy. Oh don't look so glum. As long as you and Provenza are on the force it's only a matter of time before someone files a complaint against you, I'll open an investigation and everything will be back to normal."

Provenza raised his glass, "Here, here I'll drink to that."

He couldn't help it, he laughed. Partly because Sharon Raydor was funny in dry sort of way, but mostly because it was true. He held out his hand, "Come on sweet lass and dance with me."


	35. Chapter 35

Fritz sat staring the ball game on the tv but wasn't really aware of what was happening. His thoughts were running like a hamster in a wheel round and round in his head.

"How could I have been such a fool? Why couldn't I just… stop…. talking?" He asked out loud to no one.

He leaned back and closed his eyes. It could have gone worse but he didn't see how. All the way back to DC he tried to think what he could say to her to change her mind, to get her to take his calls, to give him a chance to explain. Nothing came to mind but the awful scene in the alley. Why did it have to be Flynn? Guilt had been eating him alive and then he saw Flynn and exploded. But Flynn hadn't said a word to her. He hadn't been the cruel one that crushed her heart that was all Fritz.

The distance, not taking her calls, the cheating. He had tried to convince himself his actions were justified. She hadn't treated him right. She hadn't paid enough attention or made him feel special. She hadn't loved him enough to make sacrifices like he had. She wasn't grateful enough.

He'd wanted the chance to redeem himself. To prove he wasn't that drunk he had been. He wanted that ata boy, the praise from fellow agents. He'd shut her out in some twisted attempt to gain it.

His gut churned when he was done listing all his perceived wounds. "When did I turn into such a whining weak ass? Why the hell was I blaming you, Brenda?"

His suitcase was next to the door, just where he had dropped it after walking into the apartment. Unpacking was too final. He had torn up the divorce papers and given them back to her. He picked up the phone again and dialed her number. His eyes closed he listened to the ring, counting, know she wasn't going to pick up. Then her voice filled his head, _"Sorry I missed yew. Please leave a message. Thank yew."_ He hung up and hit redial.

Brenda lay curled in a ball of pain beyond anything she had ever experience. It rolled over her in waves with no end in sight. The pain even filled here head. She knew people were talking but they all sounded like they were under water. Words floated around her but she couldn't make out what they were saying and it took too much out of her to try and understand them.

In those moments the pain eased flashes of disconnected thought raced through her head. She has caused this. She had pushed everyone away, denied her feelings, stepped on people close to her and crushed those with an ounce of gentleness in them. To Brenda it was sign of weakness, something to snuff out and never let grow.

The cancer, she had made a home for it in her body. She had done awful things to get her way, hurt loving people, set wheels in motion that had left a trail of bodies and blood leading to her door. Most had been the worst of the worst but there was a small voice in her head telling her she had gone too far. But like everything else, Brenda had strangled that voice.

Now there was a new voice talking in her head. It was loud telling her she was dying and it was her own doing. She had created a home for cancer and it going to win this battle. It was killing the small life inside her. The life she had pushed from her mind as she did everything else. A laugh bubbled up; _Poor Hamid didn't get his revenge._

The muffled voices were back, louder than before, maybe even angry. Someone was tugging on her arm. She felt a jab and a sudden rush of heat flow through her body. She her world went blessedly black.

"I need you to wait outside." The doctor said he stood over Brenda while the nurse began removing her cloths and getting her in a gown.

"No can do doc. I go where she goes. And I need names of everyone attending to her."

"She running a fever and there are tests we need to run. I don't have time to deal with you as well." The emergency room doctor did not like taking orders from anyone. The expression the nurses face made it clear to Simms this had nothing to do with him.

Simms nodded to the doc and stepped to the door of the exam room. Poking his head out he said "Find out what's keeping them. I need that team here now." then shifted to corner making it clear he wasn't leaving.

Simms looked at Brenda and frowned. In the few minutes since arriving it was clear she was not doing well. Her face was ghostly pale and she was obviously out of it. She was muttering incoherently. Thank goodness no one here had a clue what she was saying in the few instances when she managed to form a clear sentence.

Another nurse walked in with needle and Simms stopped her before she could use it. "What is it?" His tone left no room to do anything but answer.

"The doctor ordered a Morphine injection."

He took a deep breath then nodded.


	36. Chapter 36

Brenda reluctantly opened her eyes. She had been drifting between a drugged sleep and foggy wakefulness for the last few hours. Her fever was twisting her dreams. Pulling her back to her childhood, to memories she had spent a lifetime burying. But they hadn't been buried deep enough. Places, faces, sound and pain floored out of the box she had ruthlessly crammed them into.

One by one the dominos were falling, each one a decision she had made, an emotion she had denied and all leading back to her childhood. Back to that little eight year old girl standing in the driveway of another home on another military post, saying goodbye to her best friend, again.

Brenda felt her heart break all over again as if it was happening now rather than thirty plus years ago. The last domino feel and she was back in the moment making the decision that would color every one she had made since. Every one of those decisions had led her to this moment, in a bed in a hospital.

Her current condition had a direct lin back to that painful moment that she stood hugging Cindy, the two little girls crying and making promises to stay best friends forever and her mother pulling them apart. "Get in the car Brenda Leigh. We have to go."

Her brothers were teasing her about being a cry baby. None of them understood. None of them cared.

"You heard your mother young lady. Get in this car now. You've said your goodbyes just like the rest of us. It's time to go." Clay snapped impatiently, gunning the engine to make his point.

Willie Rey tugged the girls apart, "Run on home now Cindy. Brenda will send you a post card as soon as we get settled."

Cindy reluctantly started for home, dragging the toes of her shiny black shoes with each step.

"Young lady you march yourself over that car right now. Your daddy said it was time to go. You know his job is hard enough without you making him feel bad with all these tears. Now be a good little soldier and do as you're told."

"Brenda Leigh!" Clay bellowed.

Brenda took one last look at Cindy walking away, her shoulders shaking as she cried. Dragging her arm across her eyes she scrubbed away her tears and walked to the car. She ignored the neighbors waving as they drove past. Refused to take one last look at the place that had been her home for last two years. She closed her eyes and ears to it all. But more importantly she closed her heart.

At that moment she hated daddy. Hated that he was in the army. It was all his fault. He didn't care one whit about her and she hated him for that. She tipped her face up to the wind coming through the window to dry the last of her tears. With a dry face eight year old Brenda Leigh Johnson made a vow that from this moment on that she was never going to cry over anyone ever, ever again.

Her daddy didn't have a heart; he didn't feel bad or cry about anything. The only way to not get hurt was to be just like daddy and not care about anyone, ever again. So she going to be just like him. She was going to be the bestest, toughest little soldier there was, tougher than all three of her brothers put together.

As the car droned down the highway an exhausted Brenda feel asleep, the first domino hardening her heart was in place. It would be years before she fully understood the consequences of her decision.


End file.
